Loser
so i feel like a total icompetent. i've decided I'm not going to college. I mean i can't even send out one lousy application and zach, (go zach, you rule, i wanna carry all ur babies!)is already ACCEPTED! to like a good school. not like a sucky, just in case school, but like a good one! i just don't know how I'm going to do it all. I can't seem to write any good essays. all the ones' i write are crappy and vague and don't say who i really am. I need to get my counselour/ teacher ecommendations out by the end of this week so that i have them. that's the hardest thing to get. and i haven't updated my resume. I just can't get motivated, you think the prospect of college would be enough, or at least the fear of being the only person not going to college this year. If i don't get in, my mother will disown me and i'll be a big loser and a disapointment. "all that potential" bullshit. i'm not kidding, i don't think I'll be going to college next fall, seriously.
I'm scared quite frankly. I wanna leave but i don't. change hasn't been frequent in my life and i have the feeling that i'll drop dead in two seconds and all my work would have been in vain. i can't shake th efeeling that somethings going to happen to me. i don't want it to, but i'm really scared. like i think about that more than twice a day. im morbid, yes i know, but....that's just the way it is.
even if i get accepted to a college if i can't pay for it i won't go. i won't do my mother like that. i'd rather be a bum and sit on my ass all day than do that. i'd rather become a drug dealer or a prostitute than do that. i just don't know if i'll ever be anything worth wild. for all my talk of the future, mine looks bleak.
I'm scared quite frankly. I wanna leave but i don't. change hasn't been frequent in my life and i have the feeling that i'll drop dead in two seconds and all my work would have been in vain. i can't shake th efeeling that somethings going to happen to me. i don't want it to, but i'm really scared. like i think about that more than twice a day. im morbid, yes i know, but....that's just the way it is.
even if i get accepted to a college if i can't pay for it i won't go. i won't do my mother like that. i'd rather be a bum and sit on my ass all day than do that. i'd rather become a drug dealer or a prostitute than do that. i just don't know if i'll ever be anything worth wild. for all my talk of the future, mine looks bleak.