(no subject)
I feel so disconnected from everyone sometimes.
I try and try and I give all of myself.
Then I end up exhausted and behind with everything in my life.
Then I try to be selfish and fix myself, but I can't do it.
My conscious kicks in.
Even when I try to distract myself from Wells, my distractions backfire.
I told some close people some things tonight.
Things I thought I would never share.
Private things that are a part of me.
I think maybe it was one last effort to reach out and make an imprint, and impact. To get reaction and care and mutualism. I have few relationships these days that refelct mutualism. And its funny because some of the people who think they give more, is the one I have to make the most adjustments for.
Its really my own fault though. I make myself too accessabile. I don't ever say no. And when i try I don't even follow through. I guess I'm just so tired of being forced to care about people who I don't even respect. What do you do when there's no one you can turn to?
Any ways I just am not sure what to do anymore with myself. Its funny because the people who i like being there for, and I would have no problem being there for, don't even seem like they need me. There are some people who I just think are so amazing and fascinating and fun, that i feel so excited after spending time with them. Some people just radiate, ya know? I wish I could bottle it all up and give it to everyone. I don't think some people get enough respect and recognition. I find this a reocurring theme in my frustration. So yeah here's a shout out to all the kick ass people who don't get the respect and such that they deserve.
And I think thats all I have to say. I guess i want to say sorry to it. Sorry to the pieces of me that no longer exist. Sorry, and i guess i didn't know what else to do. But I've been told it was right, so I'll stick with that, and i'll run with it. I think I touched someone last night, and that was my aim, so i guess im just all done.
I'm throwing my hands up.
I'm signing off.
You win.
Peace out.
I try and try and I give all of myself.
Then I end up exhausted and behind with everything in my life.
Then I try to be selfish and fix myself, but I can't do it.
My conscious kicks in.
Even when I try to distract myself from Wells, my distractions backfire.
I told some close people some things tonight.
Things I thought I would never share.
Private things that are a part of me.
I think maybe it was one last effort to reach out and make an imprint, and impact. To get reaction and care and mutualism. I have few relationships these days that refelct mutualism. And its funny because some of the people who think they give more, is the one I have to make the most adjustments for.
Its really my own fault though. I make myself too accessabile. I don't ever say no. And when i try I don't even follow through. I guess I'm just so tired of being forced to care about people who I don't even respect. What do you do when there's no one you can turn to?
Any ways I just am not sure what to do anymore with myself. Its funny because the people who i like being there for, and I would have no problem being there for, don't even seem like they need me. There are some people who I just think are so amazing and fascinating and fun, that i feel so excited after spending time with them. Some people just radiate, ya know? I wish I could bottle it all up and give it to everyone. I don't think some people get enough respect and recognition. I find this a reocurring theme in my frustration. So yeah here's a shout out to all the kick ass people who don't get the respect and such that they deserve.
And I think thats all I have to say. I guess i want to say sorry to it. Sorry to the pieces of me that no longer exist. Sorry, and i guess i didn't know what else to do. But I've been told it was right, so I'll stick with that, and i'll run with it. I think I touched someone last night, and that was my aim, so i guess im just all done.
I'm throwing my hands up.
I'm signing off.
You win.
Peace out.