ScAtTeReD
I am falling apart. And the more that I fall apart, the more peices I lose. I am being missunderstood and mislead. I dont know how much more I can deal with. I havnt been like this in a long time. Being an emotional wreck USED to be my thing, I dont like it to be. I dont know what to do. I have no one to really lean on. Ember is always busy, Gavin is too busy or we just fight because I am being missunderstood with every fucking work that happens to come out of my mouth, everyone hates me, my family cant stand me because I am so ownry all the time, I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO. I got my first real hug today, from like the whole week, becasue I was bawling at work and Jake happened to be working and knew I was upset. I am so happy Jake works with me now, I dont know how Cory could have let him go because he is a good guy. He helped me all day and talked with me and listened, gave me advice and wasnt a dick about it and didnt point out every little thing I was doing wrong. I have the rest of the week off which is good cuz I need it, I need to find me. I dont know anything anymore. Everything is so unsure and so unstable. School is too hectic and I am going to die in English, I have 5 body paragraphs due tomorrow and I have ONE done cuz I was too upset to do it tonight. I need someone. I dont care who it is. I just need someone, someone who I can call at any time of the day and will help me, who i can cry infront of and not feel ashamed, or vulnerable, someone with love and hugs, someone to hold me up while i am down. No one is listening cuz all I do is bitch, but if everything wasnt so hard, when things go wrong for me, they all go wrong at once, not little by little. I WOULD KILL TO BE HAPPY RIGHT NOW. i cant force a fake smile. I woke up every morning this week, wishing I hadnt. I just want someone to hold me while I cry. Bayli did but she is too far away. The only person who really did besides my mom. Im sick of feeling like something awful is always coming my way. Everything tears in to me, things that dont usually get to me are. Whats another word for desperate? I dont know whats happening......