No Hands (LOTR RPS: VM/OB) (R)
Title: No Hands
Author: Leale
Rating: R
Fandom: LOTR RPS, VM/OB
Summary: "Vig. Go take that boy home. He's been waiting for you to do it all night."
Feedback: Would make my day complete, thank you. :)
Archive: Sure, just let me know.
Author's Note: More adoration to valour for releasing the muse and for the beta. Two lines in this are all her. :) Somewhat inspired by Orlando Bloom's birthday today--er, yesterday. Close enough.
Disclaimer: I have never met the men mentioned in this story and I have no knowledge of their sexuality. Everything in this story has come completely from my imagination.
No Hands
"Ok, ok, stop me if you've heard this one. A rabbi, a priest and a prostitute walk into a bar…."
Viggo Mortenson shook his head and lifted his glass to his mouth. Beside him, Sean Bean groaned.
"It's his birthday," Elijah Wood pointed out morosely, swilling back another mouthful of beer. "We have to humor him."
"His birthday's not 'til tomorrow," Viggo murmured quietly enough that Orlando and the group laughing over his joke--which really was pretty horrid--couldn't hear him. "We don't have to do anything of the sort."
Elijah grinned, but didn't take advantage of Viggo's logic to make Orlando shut up. He drained his glass and stood up, pushing Bean out of the booth on his way.
"C'mon," he ordered the older man. "You're going to need more to drink than that if you let him get to the punchline."
"Need anything?" Bean asked Viggo. He shook his head in the negative.
He watched Elijah and Sean walk away and then directed his attention to the *other* end of the table where Orlando was holding court. His young lover was wearing a pointed paper hat with a pink raffia tassel, had a red bow stuck on his tie, and was surrounded by empty glasses of various shapes and sizes.
Viggo chuckled to himself and sipped his drink. Orlando was having a marvelous time and Viggo was happy to see it. He worried, sometimes, about keeping Orlando from the life he should be leading. But Orlando swore that he needed Viggo to keep him sane and so far no insanity had arisen so there might be something to that.
Orlando looked up and caught his eye. The grin on his face widened, impossibly, and Viggo grinned back at him, feeling his chest warm. The affectionate gleam in Orlando's eyes turned wicked and Viggo couldn't help but shake his head again, chuckling softly. He was too far away to talk to Orlando properly so he just pursed his lips in a mockery of an air kiss.
Orlando blew him a kiss back and winked before turning back to his friends.
"Whoo, make way, make way, coming through" Elijah announced, leaning over the table with an armful of glasses. He let them all drop an inch or so to the table, clinking glassware overriding most of the chatter. "All right. Me and Sean--" He moved two glasses away from the rest. Viggo reached out and positioned them in their rightful places as Elijah surveyed the rest of the drinks. "Ok, Dom, Johnny, Bill, Liv, crap, everyone just take what looks like yours."
Everyone at Orlando's end of the table leaned into the middle to retrieve their drinks, temporarily obscuring Viggo's view of Orlando.
"And this one, birthday boy," Elijah announces, setting a foam-crowned shot glass down in front of Orlando, "is all yours."
"Fuck, Lij," Orlando said, loud enough for Viggo to hear, even at the far end of the table. He poked one finger experimentally into the foamy substance, which didn't seem to be dissolving. "What is this?" His tongue darted out to taste the white dab on his finger and Viggo watched with interest. "Whipped cream?"
"It's called," Elijah announced with the air of one who is quite pleased with himself, "a Blowjob."
Orlando's face split into another, wider, grin and Viggo chuckled as he realized how much Orlando's been smiling all night.
"The rules," Elijah continued, "are simple. No hands."
"No hands?" Orlando interrupted.
"No hands," Elijah confirmed with a nod. "You can only use your mouth to pick up the glass, you must swallow the entire shot at one time, and there's no whipped cream in the glass when you put it down. You ready?"
"Ready and willing," Orlando called, to the mirth of his friends.
Viggo leaned back in his seat and let his fingertips play over the condensation on his glass. Orlando looked flushed and alive as he bounced in his chair, trying to find the perfect position in which to attack his new task. His curls were combed back and his necktie was at half-mast already. Viggo had a sound feeling that he was going to be applying damp washcloths to the back of Orlando's neck the next morning and wondered just what it meant that the idea didn't make him feel, well, churlish. Taking care of a hung over lover was something he'd thought he'd left in his past, but as Bean slid into the seat beside him, Viggo amended his thinking.
He wanted Orlando to be young and have fun, and he had to admit that he didn't mind taking care of his lover in the aftermath. Orlando worked hard and despite the wild parties and omnipresent laughter, he was a responsible young man and Viggo enjoyed the way he enjoyed life.
Particularly when he was enjoying life in Viggo's bed.
With that thought clear in his mind, Viggo turned his attention to Orlando's antics with the shot glass. Orlando's hands were hovering in the air and his head ducked below them, fastening over the shot glass. He'd had a few false starts, his mouth slipping off the glass, and Viggo had to shift in his seat as Orlando finally sealed his lips around mouth of the shot glass.
"Whoo! Look at that technique!" someone catcalled.
Viggo's lips felt dry and his shirt scratched at his neck as Orlando tossed his head back, Adam's apple shifting as he opened his throat to the drink. He jerked his head up, blinking for a moment, the glass still held in his mouth, a trail of whipped cream sliding down the inside and sticking to the bottom.
Viggo licked his lips.
"You have to get all the whipped cream before the glass hits the table," Elijah reminded them.
Orlando looked vaguely distressed until one of the girls called, "Use your tongue!" His eyes gleamed and fastened right on Viggo as his tongue slid out and caught up the last drops of whipped cream. The glass fell from his mouth as he did so, but when Elijah snatched it up, it was completely empty.
"Let's hear it for the Pro!" Elijah cried, his eyes crinkling in laughter. Catcalls and whoops circled the table.
Sean looked straight at Viggo and smiled. "Boy's got talent," he commented.
"Heh," was all Viggo could manage as he watched Orlando laugh and wave his hands and describe how he was sure that he was going to choke on the whipped cream.
"Vig." Bean was swiping his drink now and that just wasn't acceptable.
"Give that."
"Vig. Go take that boy home. He's been waiting for you to do it all night."
That got Viggo's attention and he turned to study the laugh-lined green eyes of his friend.
"He's been having fun," Viggo said. "I'm not going to take him away from that."
Bean raised his eyebrows and nodded once to the end of the table.
Orlando was showing Liv a juvenile trick that made his thumb appear to part at the first knuckle, but he was watching Viggo out of the corner of one eye.
Viggo smiled and the mirrored expression could have lit up Manhattan at midnight.
Viggo stood, moving to pass his drink to Sean, but Bean already had it in front of him and was sipping at it.
"Fuck you," Viggo said amiably, pushing in his chair and slinging his jacket over his shoulder. He walked the length of the table slowly, then reached around Dom and rested a hand on Orlando's shoulder.
Orlando popped up immediately, excusing himself from Liv and almost tripping over Elijah to get close enough to hear Viggo in the noisy room.
"I've got a blow job for you, too," Viggo said casually, cupping Orlando's far cheek in his hand to keep the conversation between them. "But it doesn't come in a glass."
He can feel Orlando's cheek and jaw moving against his own and Orlando's breath in his ear as he answers.
"Then where does it come?"
Viggo drew back and grinned widely. Orlando answered him in kind, and turned to excuse himself from the party.
"You mind leaving early?" Viggo asked, his arm slung around Orlando's shoulders as they left the earshot of their friends.
Orlando leaned up and kissed his cheek before replying.
"I've been waiting for it all night."
Author: Leale
Rating: R
Fandom: LOTR RPS, VM/OB
Summary: "Vig. Go take that boy home. He's been waiting for you to do it all night."
Feedback: Would make my day complete, thank you. :)
Archive: Sure, just let me know.
Author's Note: More adoration to valour for releasing the muse and for the beta. Two lines in this are all her. :) Somewhat inspired by Orlando Bloom's birthday today--er, yesterday. Close enough.
Disclaimer: I have never met the men mentioned in this story and I have no knowledge of their sexuality. Everything in this story has come completely from my imagination.
No Hands
"Ok, ok, stop me if you've heard this one. A rabbi, a priest and a prostitute walk into a bar…."
Viggo Mortenson shook his head and lifted his glass to his mouth. Beside him, Sean Bean groaned.
"It's his birthday," Elijah Wood pointed out morosely, swilling back another mouthful of beer. "We have to humor him."
"His birthday's not 'til tomorrow," Viggo murmured quietly enough that Orlando and the group laughing over his joke--which really was pretty horrid--couldn't hear him. "We don't have to do anything of the sort."
Elijah grinned, but didn't take advantage of Viggo's logic to make Orlando shut up. He drained his glass and stood up, pushing Bean out of the booth on his way.
"C'mon," he ordered the older man. "You're going to need more to drink than that if you let him get to the punchline."
"Need anything?" Bean asked Viggo. He shook his head in the negative.
He watched Elijah and Sean walk away and then directed his attention to the *other* end of the table where Orlando was holding court. His young lover was wearing a pointed paper hat with a pink raffia tassel, had a red bow stuck on his tie, and was surrounded by empty glasses of various shapes and sizes.
Viggo chuckled to himself and sipped his drink. Orlando was having a marvelous time and Viggo was happy to see it. He worried, sometimes, about keeping Orlando from the life he should be leading. But Orlando swore that he needed Viggo to keep him sane and so far no insanity had arisen so there might be something to that.
Orlando looked up and caught his eye. The grin on his face widened, impossibly, and Viggo grinned back at him, feeling his chest warm. The affectionate gleam in Orlando's eyes turned wicked and Viggo couldn't help but shake his head again, chuckling softly. He was too far away to talk to Orlando properly so he just pursed his lips in a mockery of an air kiss.
Orlando blew him a kiss back and winked before turning back to his friends.
"Whoo, make way, make way, coming through" Elijah announced, leaning over the table with an armful of glasses. He let them all drop an inch or so to the table, clinking glassware overriding most of the chatter. "All right. Me and Sean--" He moved two glasses away from the rest. Viggo reached out and positioned them in their rightful places as Elijah surveyed the rest of the drinks. "Ok, Dom, Johnny, Bill, Liv, crap, everyone just take what looks like yours."
Everyone at Orlando's end of the table leaned into the middle to retrieve their drinks, temporarily obscuring Viggo's view of Orlando.
"And this one, birthday boy," Elijah announces, setting a foam-crowned shot glass down in front of Orlando, "is all yours."
"Fuck, Lij," Orlando said, loud enough for Viggo to hear, even at the far end of the table. He poked one finger experimentally into the foamy substance, which didn't seem to be dissolving. "What is this?" His tongue darted out to taste the white dab on his finger and Viggo watched with interest. "Whipped cream?"
"It's called," Elijah announced with the air of one who is quite pleased with himself, "a Blowjob."
Orlando's face split into another, wider, grin and Viggo chuckled as he realized how much Orlando's been smiling all night.
"The rules," Elijah continued, "are simple. No hands."
"No hands?" Orlando interrupted.
"No hands," Elijah confirmed with a nod. "You can only use your mouth to pick up the glass, you must swallow the entire shot at one time, and there's no whipped cream in the glass when you put it down. You ready?"
"Ready and willing," Orlando called, to the mirth of his friends.
Viggo leaned back in his seat and let his fingertips play over the condensation on his glass. Orlando looked flushed and alive as he bounced in his chair, trying to find the perfect position in which to attack his new task. His curls were combed back and his necktie was at half-mast already. Viggo had a sound feeling that he was going to be applying damp washcloths to the back of Orlando's neck the next morning and wondered just what it meant that the idea didn't make him feel, well, churlish. Taking care of a hung over lover was something he'd thought he'd left in his past, but as Bean slid into the seat beside him, Viggo amended his thinking.
He wanted Orlando to be young and have fun, and he had to admit that he didn't mind taking care of his lover in the aftermath. Orlando worked hard and despite the wild parties and omnipresent laughter, he was a responsible young man and Viggo enjoyed the way he enjoyed life.
Particularly when he was enjoying life in Viggo's bed.
With that thought clear in his mind, Viggo turned his attention to Orlando's antics with the shot glass. Orlando's hands were hovering in the air and his head ducked below them, fastening over the shot glass. He'd had a few false starts, his mouth slipping off the glass, and Viggo had to shift in his seat as Orlando finally sealed his lips around mouth of the shot glass.
"Whoo! Look at that technique!" someone catcalled.
Viggo's lips felt dry and his shirt scratched at his neck as Orlando tossed his head back, Adam's apple shifting as he opened his throat to the drink. He jerked his head up, blinking for a moment, the glass still held in his mouth, a trail of whipped cream sliding down the inside and sticking to the bottom.
Viggo licked his lips.
"You have to get all the whipped cream before the glass hits the table," Elijah reminded them.
Orlando looked vaguely distressed until one of the girls called, "Use your tongue!" His eyes gleamed and fastened right on Viggo as his tongue slid out and caught up the last drops of whipped cream. The glass fell from his mouth as he did so, but when Elijah snatched it up, it was completely empty.
"Let's hear it for the Pro!" Elijah cried, his eyes crinkling in laughter. Catcalls and whoops circled the table.
Sean looked straight at Viggo and smiled. "Boy's got talent," he commented.
"Heh," was all Viggo could manage as he watched Orlando laugh and wave his hands and describe how he was sure that he was going to choke on the whipped cream.
"Vig." Bean was swiping his drink now and that just wasn't acceptable.
"Give that."
"Vig. Go take that boy home. He's been waiting for you to do it all night."
That got Viggo's attention and he turned to study the laugh-lined green eyes of his friend.
"He's been having fun," Viggo said. "I'm not going to take him away from that."
Bean raised his eyebrows and nodded once to the end of the table.
Orlando was showing Liv a juvenile trick that made his thumb appear to part at the first knuckle, but he was watching Viggo out of the corner of one eye.
Viggo smiled and the mirrored expression could have lit up Manhattan at midnight.
Viggo stood, moving to pass his drink to Sean, but Bean already had it in front of him and was sipping at it.
"Fuck you," Viggo said amiably, pushing in his chair and slinging his jacket over his shoulder. He walked the length of the table slowly, then reached around Dom and rested a hand on Orlando's shoulder.
Orlando popped up immediately, excusing himself from Liv and almost tripping over Elijah to get close enough to hear Viggo in the noisy room.
"I've got a blow job for you, too," Viggo said casually, cupping Orlando's far cheek in his hand to keep the conversation between them. "But it doesn't come in a glass."
He can feel Orlando's cheek and jaw moving against his own and Orlando's breath in his ear as he answers.
"Then where does it come?"
Viggo drew back and grinned widely. Orlando answered him in kind, and turned to excuse himself from the party.
"You mind leaving early?" Viggo asked, his arm slung around Orlando's shoulders as they left the earshot of their friends.
Orlando leaned up and kissed his cheek before replying.
"I've been waiting for it all night."