Well, they called me back and said everything was fixed. It wasn't. Unless by "everything" they meant "nothing". And apparently I can't do it in person. There's no explanation as for why I can't. Maybe I am at risk of alligators. Maybe the required forms are guarded by ninjas. I'll just have to sit and wait for them to start doing their job.
But I just had to do this, a sequel to the previous thing.