Into the Wild
Not really organized at all, but I'm tired, so I'm just spewing out thoughts so I can sleep with a clear head-----
I finally watched the movie 'Into the Wild'. It's based on the true story of this guy who graduates college and then disappears- donates his life savings to charity, burns/cuts up his money and identification, and goes off to live off the land. He camps around, in a lot of different places, takes on a job whenever he needs it, and hitchikes and explores and it's pretty sweet.
As I've written about before, I find that awful appealing. Leaving behind everything and going into the mountains with all my possessions on my back. Sa-weet. It's always been a little fantasy of mine. Getting diagnosed w/a disease where I'm dependent on a pharmacy every month kind of threw a wrench in that dream... Oh well. I always figured I'm too wimpy to actually do it anyways. But I haven't actually decided which takes more courage. Walking away from everything to rough it in the wild, or staying in civilization and dealing with all the rules, obligations, expectations, and relationships. Living life can be rough and hard. Running away into the wild to pursue complete freedom could be seen as taking the wimpy way out.
From a religious/spiritual standpoint, this is a bad thing to do. "This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine..." - I can't shine very well to other people when I'm hermitting in the woods. I'm supposed to be a light to people, encourage them, and let them encourage me... Fellowship and relationships are supposedly pretty important.
The guy in the movie recognizes that relationships are important. For most of the movie, he thinks that happiness is getting out on your own into nature and just living, but at the end, right before he dies, he writes "Happiness only real when shared."
It could be considered a moral of the story, and I see where he's coming from, and I believe it to a degree (sure, friends are nice). But I think that's something I'll need to learn for myself, I'm not gonna get it from watching a movie or hearing other people say it. For now, I'm still happiest, and I feel most alive, when I'm on top of a mountain that I climbed looking out over God's creation. It feels good. Now ideally, I wouldn't be completely alone. A dog would be perfect. I like having my dog up there with me. But throw in another person and it gets a little iffy. I guess it depends on the person. There are very few people I'd feel comfortable sharing that with. That sounds kind of weird... but it's true. I'd feel uncomfortable and awkward sharing awesome beauty moments like that with most people. I'd rather do it by myself. With my dog.
And besides, the guy wasn't completely alone all the time. He met a lot of cool people along his journey...
I think I try to downplay the importance of relationships because I'm not good at them. I'm sure those deep ones I hear about are nice and worth it, but I don't know from experience, so it's easy for me to dismiss- I don't know what I'm missing. It might be an extreme comparison, but my life looks kind of like the movie- move from place to place, meet people, and then leave them for something new, not really expecting to see them ever again. People are temporary. True happiness needs to come from myself- can't depend on other people to fulfill me. That might change when I get to a marriagey stage of life, but that's what I'm thinking here now as a single Steph.
I've been doing a lot of group hanging out lately and it's been awesome. A lot of fun. But it's a temporary happiness fix. Let me go for a day or so without hanging out with those people, and where does that leave me?
If my happiness level can rapidly rise and fall so much depending on how much I'm around people, then I don't think it's true happiness. It looks and feels like happiness, but really, it's just me being too busy hanging out to have time to feel lonely and sad. It's shallow and superficial happiness.
Happiness only real when it can be felt alone.
I finally watched the movie 'Into the Wild'. It's based on the true story of this guy who graduates college and then disappears- donates his life savings to charity, burns/cuts up his money and identification, and goes off to live off the land. He camps around, in a lot of different places, takes on a job whenever he needs it, and hitchikes and explores and it's pretty sweet.
As I've written about before, I find that awful appealing. Leaving behind everything and going into the mountains with all my possessions on my back. Sa-weet. It's always been a little fantasy of mine. Getting diagnosed w/a disease where I'm dependent on a pharmacy every month kind of threw a wrench in that dream... Oh well. I always figured I'm too wimpy to actually do it anyways. But I haven't actually decided which takes more courage. Walking away from everything to rough it in the wild, or staying in civilization and dealing with all the rules, obligations, expectations, and relationships. Living life can be rough and hard. Running away into the wild to pursue complete freedom could be seen as taking the wimpy way out.
From a religious/spiritual standpoint, this is a bad thing to do. "This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine..." - I can't shine very well to other people when I'm hermitting in the woods. I'm supposed to be a light to people, encourage them, and let them encourage me... Fellowship and relationships are supposedly pretty important.
The guy in the movie recognizes that relationships are important. For most of the movie, he thinks that happiness is getting out on your own into nature and just living, but at the end, right before he dies, he writes "Happiness only real when shared."
It could be considered a moral of the story, and I see where he's coming from, and I believe it to a degree (sure, friends are nice). But I think that's something I'll need to learn for myself, I'm not gonna get it from watching a movie or hearing other people say it. For now, I'm still happiest, and I feel most alive, when I'm on top of a mountain that I climbed looking out over God's creation. It feels good. Now ideally, I wouldn't be completely alone. A dog would be perfect. I like having my dog up there with me. But throw in another person and it gets a little iffy. I guess it depends on the person. There are very few people I'd feel comfortable sharing that with. That sounds kind of weird... but it's true. I'd feel uncomfortable and awkward sharing awesome beauty moments like that with most people. I'd rather do it by myself. With my dog.
And besides, the guy wasn't completely alone all the time. He met a lot of cool people along his journey...
I think I try to downplay the importance of relationships because I'm not good at them. I'm sure those deep ones I hear about are nice and worth it, but I don't know from experience, so it's easy for me to dismiss- I don't know what I'm missing. It might be an extreme comparison, but my life looks kind of like the movie- move from place to place, meet people, and then leave them for something new, not really expecting to see them ever again. People are temporary. True happiness needs to come from myself- can't depend on other people to fulfill me. That might change when I get to a marriagey stage of life, but that's what I'm thinking here now as a single Steph.
I've been doing a lot of group hanging out lately and it's been awesome. A lot of fun. But it's a temporary happiness fix. Let me go for a day or so without hanging out with those people, and where does that leave me?
If my happiness level can rapidly rise and fall so much depending on how much I'm around people, then I don't think it's true happiness. It looks and feels like happiness, but really, it's just me being too busy hanging out to have time to feel lonely and sad. It's shallow and superficial happiness.
Happiness only real when it can be felt alone.