Inappropriate Consequences.
The communicator was ringing.
Normally, this occurrence could have signified a new mission, a great danger of some form or another, and had the general population of the Star ship on their toes, ready to go in moments.
This instant, though, James Tiberius Kirk, newly commissioned Captain of the Enterprise, could not give a flying fuck if there was an attack being mounted against the new settlement on Delta V, where his brother was currently camped out.
No, this moment he didn't give a flying fuck what was wrong outside of his quarters, because for god's sake, they had JUST docked, he had just gone through an ungodly amount of time awake, without caffeine, without alcohol, and without sex; all while loosing an entire planet alongside over three quarters of the goddamn 'fleet, almost loosing Admiral Pike, being knocked out TWICE, being hypo'd TOO MANY TIMES TO COUNT, being strangled no less than three times, saving the entirety of Earth from crazed maniacs from another time stream, mind-melding with an emotionally challenged version of an older Spock, and topping it all off with one HELL of a stiff function at Star fleet base for an award ceremony that- while completely worth it, in retrospect- had eaten into what energy and patience he had remaining.
No, James Tiberius Kirk was in no mood to haul his ass out of bed and answer the goddamn Comm this moment; especially not since he had a very warm, very willing body spread beneath him and a slightly clouded pair of hazel eyes were watching him and for god's sake begging him. And Jim was GOING to enjoy the few days he had off before they started all over, because for fuck's sake, after this they'd be on a god-forsaken FIVE YEAR MISSION.
But of course, the warm pliant body beneath him couldn't just let it go.
"Jim, if you don't answer the goddamn Comm we're gonna get in trouble and it's not even a full twenty-four hours into you bein' a goddamn Captain."
The Gruff voice made Jim scowl down into the slightly distracted face of one, Leonard "Bones" McCoy once again.
"There's no way to get you to let me ignore it, is there, Bones?" Jim's voice held a low, guttural quality that had Bones's toes curling into the blankets under them, but he scowled.
"Not a Chance."
That had been the first time Jim had rolled off of a very willing bones to open his Communicator and kill the mood.
"Jim? This is Spock- Spock Prime."
"Fuck."
The Second time, He'd finally convinced Bones that it had been a misunderstanding on Prime's part.
He was half way done unbuttoning McCoy's 'Fleet-issue pants when the ringing started.
They had both frozen and Jim had looked up at Bones with an eye twitching. Bones, however, had only quirked an eyebrow and writhed against the wall where he was pinned.
"Best get that, Captain, it could be an imminent attack."
Jim scowled as he tried to find a way around Bones' words unsuccessfully.
"You stay RIGHT there." He commanded as he turned to search the trail of clothing across the room- the good doctor's quarters this time- to find his Comm. in a puddle of yellow Star fleet fabric near the desk.
"Kirk here; this had better be good."
There was a pause from the other end, and Jim Kirk felt himself straighten, ready to attack, when the voice answered.
"Sorry to disturb you, Captain. This is Spock Prime."
Bones' door slamming on his ass hadn't been quite as painful as his pride when he realized his vindictive lover had thrown him out, sans pants.
The Third time it happened, Jim didn't even answer before violently throwing his head against the headboard.
Bones was hovering above him, a lovely sight with nothing but a sarcastically quirked brow on him.
"If that's him, I'm going to kill you." It wasn't a threat so much as a promise, but Bones hadn't moved and Jim took that as a sign of willingness to be open about the matter.
"Kirk here?" His voice wasn't quite as annoyed as the first two times, but he was mildly frightened about ending up without pants three floors away from his own quarters again.
"Captain. This is Prime."
Jim didn't wait for Bones to start throwing things at him and screaming at him to 'get the hell out of my rooms, and take your Vulcan with you!'
No, he'd learned.
That's how Jim Kirk found himself locked in Leonard "Bones" McCoy's bathroom for the entire off shift, trying to explain to Prime once more the situation.
The Fourth time, Jim didn't even get a chance to touch the god-forsaken device.
The wonderfully half-naked form that was underneath him one instant was suddenly throwing him off of his warm person and grabbing the evil device.
"McCoy; If this is Prime, I will find a way to reach through this comm link and ensure you never find it in yourself to touch another connection to Kirk."
There was a long pause from the other end of the Comm link as Jim stared in a mix of appreciation- for not being glared at as if it was his fault again- and fear- because, really, Bones could be fucking scary.
A gentle, low, cough cut through the tension in the air and a voice, very familiar but different, filtered into the room.
"This is not Prime, Doctor McCoy. The comm requires Captain Kirk's presence; we have picked up a distress signal and are en route." Spock's voice wasn't quite as assuring as Uhura's or even Sulu's would have been, and Jim still found himself kicked out of Bones's room moments later.
Thankfully with pants.
The Fifth time it happened...
The fifth time, Jim wanted to die.
He'd been so fucking close!
Bones was still inside him as he stopped writhing, both staring at the pile of cloth that was ringing.
"If that's..."
"You know it is."
Bones was gone so fast that Jim was somewhat surprised he could stand, knees slightly shaking and body completely frustrated from being denied from being that fucking close.
"Ambassador Spock..."
There was silence from the other end of the comm.
"I told you to STOP calling here. Jim's with ME in this universe. STOP FUCKING WITH MY SEX LIFE."
And the Comm call ended.
"Well done, Bones."
The good doctor turned slowly, and Jim swallowed hard at the glare he was pinned with.
"If I ever catch you with that Spock or any other goddamn Vulcan, I'll kill you." Bones' words were slow and menacing as he stepped back into the hot spray from the shower.
"Shut up and fuck me." was his only reply.
And He did just that.
Normally, this occurrence could have signified a new mission, a great danger of some form or another, and had the general population of the Star ship on their toes, ready to go in moments.
This instant, though, James Tiberius Kirk, newly commissioned Captain of the Enterprise, could not give a flying fuck if there was an attack being mounted against the new settlement on Delta V, where his brother was currently camped out.
No, this moment he didn't give a flying fuck what was wrong outside of his quarters, because for god's sake, they had JUST docked, he had just gone through an ungodly amount of time awake, without caffeine, without alcohol, and without sex; all while loosing an entire planet alongside over three quarters of the goddamn 'fleet, almost loosing Admiral Pike, being knocked out TWICE, being hypo'd TOO MANY TIMES TO COUNT, being strangled no less than three times, saving the entirety of Earth from crazed maniacs from another time stream, mind-melding with an emotionally challenged version of an older Spock, and topping it all off with one HELL of a stiff function at Star fleet base for an award ceremony that- while completely worth it, in retrospect- had eaten into what energy and patience he had remaining.
No, James Tiberius Kirk was in no mood to haul his ass out of bed and answer the goddamn Comm this moment; especially not since he had a very warm, very willing body spread beneath him and a slightly clouded pair of hazel eyes were watching him and for god's sake begging him. And Jim was GOING to enjoy the few days he had off before they started all over, because for fuck's sake, after this they'd be on a god-forsaken FIVE YEAR MISSION.
But of course, the warm pliant body beneath him couldn't just let it go.
"Jim, if you don't answer the goddamn Comm we're gonna get in trouble and it's not even a full twenty-four hours into you bein' a goddamn Captain."
The Gruff voice made Jim scowl down into the slightly distracted face of one, Leonard "Bones" McCoy once again.
"There's no way to get you to let me ignore it, is there, Bones?" Jim's voice held a low, guttural quality that had Bones's toes curling into the blankets under them, but he scowled.
"Not a Chance."
That had been the first time Jim had rolled off of a very willing bones to open his Communicator and kill the mood.
"Jim? This is Spock- Spock Prime."
"Fuck."
The Second time, He'd finally convinced Bones that it had been a misunderstanding on Prime's part.
He was half way done unbuttoning McCoy's 'Fleet-issue pants when the ringing started.
They had both frozen and Jim had looked up at Bones with an eye twitching. Bones, however, had only quirked an eyebrow and writhed against the wall where he was pinned.
"Best get that, Captain, it could be an imminent attack."
Jim scowled as he tried to find a way around Bones' words unsuccessfully.
"You stay RIGHT there." He commanded as he turned to search the trail of clothing across the room- the good doctor's quarters this time- to find his Comm. in a puddle of yellow Star fleet fabric near the desk.
"Kirk here; this had better be good."
There was a pause from the other end, and Jim Kirk felt himself straighten, ready to attack, when the voice answered.
"Sorry to disturb you, Captain. This is Spock Prime."
Bones' door slamming on his ass hadn't been quite as painful as his pride when he realized his vindictive lover had thrown him out, sans pants.
The Third time it happened, Jim didn't even answer before violently throwing his head against the headboard.
Bones was hovering above him, a lovely sight with nothing but a sarcastically quirked brow on him.
"If that's him, I'm going to kill you." It wasn't a threat so much as a promise, but Bones hadn't moved and Jim took that as a sign of willingness to be open about the matter.
"Kirk here?" His voice wasn't quite as annoyed as the first two times, but he was mildly frightened about ending up without pants three floors away from his own quarters again.
"Captain. This is Prime."
Jim didn't wait for Bones to start throwing things at him and screaming at him to 'get the hell out of my rooms, and take your Vulcan with you!'
No, he'd learned.
That's how Jim Kirk found himself locked in Leonard "Bones" McCoy's bathroom for the entire off shift, trying to explain to Prime once more the situation.
The Fourth time, Jim didn't even get a chance to touch the god-forsaken device.
The wonderfully half-naked form that was underneath him one instant was suddenly throwing him off of his warm person and grabbing the evil device.
"McCoy; If this is Prime, I will find a way to reach through this comm link and ensure you never find it in yourself to touch another connection to Kirk."
There was a long pause from the other end of the Comm link as Jim stared in a mix of appreciation- for not being glared at as if it was his fault again- and fear- because, really, Bones could be fucking scary.
A gentle, low, cough cut through the tension in the air and a voice, very familiar but different, filtered into the room.
"This is not Prime, Doctor McCoy. The comm requires Captain Kirk's presence; we have picked up a distress signal and are en route." Spock's voice wasn't quite as assuring as Uhura's or even Sulu's would have been, and Jim still found himself kicked out of Bones's room moments later.
Thankfully with pants.
The Fifth time it happened...
The fifth time, Jim wanted to die.
He'd been so fucking close!
Bones was still inside him as he stopped writhing, both staring at the pile of cloth that was ringing.
"If that's..."
"You know it is."
Bones was gone so fast that Jim was somewhat surprised he could stand, knees slightly shaking and body completely frustrated from being denied from being that fucking close.
"Ambassador Spock..."
There was silence from the other end of the comm.
"I told you to STOP calling here. Jim's with ME in this universe. STOP FUCKING WITH MY SEX LIFE."
And the Comm call ended.
"Well done, Bones."
The good doctor turned slowly, and Jim swallowed hard at the glare he was pinned with.
"If I ever catch you with that Spock or any other goddamn Vulcan, I'll kill you." Bones' words were slow and menacing as he stepped back into the hot spray from the shower.
"Shut up and fuck me." was his only reply.
And He did just that.