Reason #37 WHY COPS SUCK: They don't have a sense of humor when it's a simple stupid issue.
So this eve, around midnight, I drove into campus with our lovly trash galore.
Upon dumpage of the first bag, I felt an evil glow of headlights coming from behind me. I hoped to god that it was just the girl I saw getting into her car seconds earlier, maybe pulling a three point turn in my general direction, but alas, it was UNH security.
The old man asked me where I was from, etc etc. I began to lie, told him I was from the Upper Quad and helping my friends from Dover, but gave up fearing I might have to elaborate and prove it. Plus, as I've come to realize, my guilt kicks my ass every time I try. (Why couldn't I have become a pro fibber? I'm not even religious, god dammit.)
The old man saw right through me, and told me to stay- he was calling the cops.
I waited, standing in my rediclous hat, skirt and jean jacket, as three people I knew walked by.
"Hey Jan."
"Hey K.Lee, how's it going?"
"Good." I'm held hostage in the headlights of a UNH security van next to a dumpster waiting for an intimate date with the cops. What could be better?
The above conversation happened one and a half more times.
The bitch came in her little cruiser. Short and frowning.
She asked how much I dumped and how much more was left. I was lucky she didn't take a peek at all the beer bottles, but then again she was probably too damn short to peer over the lip of the gate. The old man was unbiased, but added that I had "only thrown one in." Before the cop came he tried to explain to me why it was illegal, namely because those immigrant janitors would like to dump their trash here too, and that's simply uncalled for. It didn't matter that I was a full time student. It didn't matter that I had lived here just a few months ago. I no longer did, so it was a crime.
The woman took my license and jotted down my stats. The Portsmouth address wan't enough so she took my Dover one too. I could have exaggerated by explaining, 'no use taking that address, I'm not on the lease. I don't really live there-' but I didn't want to dig my grave any deeper.
"If you put another bag in, I WILL arrest you," she claimed. So sassy. And all I wanted to do was say,
"Hey, don't I remind you of Arlo right now?"
With a little smirk she then added, "And buy some Dover trash bags."
So I drove off after the Van drove off, and she in her lil' cruiser sat and watched me go by.
I contemplated getting out at the next dumpster, right in her view, to dump the rest of it. But I knew I'd call WoonChul to bail me out, and luck would have it his phone would be off and I'd have to call Momma as back up. And she be confused and just yell at me for causing her confusion, and I'd try to sing to her "but you can get anything you want, at Alice's Restaurant." But she probably wouldn't think it was funny at the time, so I'd have to sleep at the station (amoung the unh father rapers and mother stabbers, or maybe even the Snipper.)
So whatever, I'm home in Dover now, soon to find my picture on Wanted posters around campus. And I still have a pickup full of glorious trash.
Upon dumpage of the first bag, I felt an evil glow of headlights coming from behind me. I hoped to god that it was just the girl I saw getting into her car seconds earlier, maybe pulling a three point turn in my general direction, but alas, it was UNH security.
The old man asked me where I was from, etc etc. I began to lie, told him I was from the Upper Quad and helping my friends from Dover, but gave up fearing I might have to elaborate and prove it. Plus, as I've come to realize, my guilt kicks my ass every time I try. (Why couldn't I have become a pro fibber? I'm not even religious, god dammit.)
The old man saw right through me, and told me to stay- he was calling the cops.
I waited, standing in my rediclous hat, skirt and jean jacket, as three people I knew walked by.
"Hey Jan."
"Hey K.Lee, how's it going?"
"Good." I'm held hostage in the headlights of a UNH security van next to a dumpster waiting for an intimate date with the cops. What could be better?
The above conversation happened one and a half more times.
The bitch came in her little cruiser. Short and frowning.
She asked how much I dumped and how much more was left. I was lucky she didn't take a peek at all the beer bottles, but then again she was probably too damn short to peer over the lip of the gate. The old man was unbiased, but added that I had "only thrown one in." Before the cop came he tried to explain to me why it was illegal, namely because those immigrant janitors would like to dump their trash here too, and that's simply uncalled for. It didn't matter that I was a full time student. It didn't matter that I had lived here just a few months ago. I no longer did, so it was a crime.
The woman took my license and jotted down my stats. The Portsmouth address wan't enough so she took my Dover one too. I could have exaggerated by explaining, 'no use taking that address, I'm not on the lease. I don't really live there-' but I didn't want to dig my grave any deeper.
"If you put another bag in, I WILL arrest you," she claimed. So sassy. And all I wanted to do was say,
"Hey, don't I remind you of Arlo right now?"
With a little smirk she then added, "And buy some Dover trash bags."
So I drove off after the Van drove off, and she in her lil' cruiser sat and watched me go by.
I contemplated getting out at the next dumpster, right in her view, to dump the rest of it. But I knew I'd call WoonChul to bail me out, and luck would have it his phone would be off and I'd have to call Momma as back up. And she be confused and just yell at me for causing her confusion, and I'd try to sing to her "but you can get anything you want, at Alice's Restaurant." But she probably wouldn't think it was funny at the time, so I'd have to sleep at the station (amoung the unh father rapers and mother stabbers, or maybe even the Snipper.)
So whatever, I'm home in Dover now, soon to find my picture on Wanted posters around campus. And I still have a pickup full of glorious trash.