suffering
Remember in freshman theology how we wrote that paper about whether or not teenagers suffer? I said that we didn't really, compared to the horrific lives of people all around the world, who are homeless, starving, ravaged, and alone.
But i've suffered. I mean, i am healthy, i am blessed, i have a grand life. really. but emotionally? i certainly feel like i've suffered quite a bit. but isn't that only because I'm selfish? like i want things to work out one way, and in most cases, they dont go exactly according to my hopes and plans--as a result, i suffer emotional distress and unhappiness, assuming that i really do want "my way" (there are cases where the other way is better, and even fewer cases where we realize this and accept and enjoy it).
we were talking about buddhism viewing life as "suffering punctuated by moments of happiness" (we as in brendan and i and a couple other guys). and well, for us, that is in NO WAY the case. i mean think about it!! all our suffering is emotional really--we are in general healthy, safe, and not really utterly alone. emotions are hard to control--we alllllll know that--but it's not impossible. if life is just suffering with some happiness thrown in there, then why not make those moments a little more often? sure, i could easily be brought down thinking about this and that, and feeling alone, and wanting more. and i am sometimes. but i mean look around u. the world's a beautiful place, even on nasty thunderstormy days. we got a lot of oppurtunities, all of us. if ur reading this, u have a computer, and that puts u in like the top 1% of the world or something (warning: made up statistic). individual people arent nearly as bad or stupid as they may seem. there are some people who i strongly dislike, for numerous reasons. and thats too bad. there are just so many "haters" out here. so many people get angry and desensitized to each other and so alone and and full of pent up emotion. and a good deal of it comes out as hate. but everyone has good qualities, even people who i wanna punch right in the skull. theyre kind, or smart, or skilled, or funny, or open, or friendly, or good one-on-one. everybody has at least ONE good thing about them, even if the bad things seem to envelop them. focus on that right? that might make it better. dont talk shit, u know? i do that too much, talking about someone who's kinda weird, or annoying. but theyre trying just like all of us.
life's hard, i guess, but damm, it sure IS a beautiful world.
look, i know nothing, but im trying. im writing this for myself maybe, it helps me sort through it all. trying to be good is important to me, and even tho i fail, i know i gotta keep plowing through. so take no offense, im not trying to be a dick and push my thoughts on you--do whatever floats your boat, and ill do the same--i just hope your boat is a loving one.
theology class has really shaped my life, come to think of it. good.
im coming home soon. im excited to see you-know-who, but im probably more excited than i should be--why cant i just let it go, let it be, move on? ya know? everyone else realizes it, so why cant i just let it be? cause im a fool, that's why! looking forward to seeing everyone else as well. give me a call if ur in the greater manchester area.
But i've suffered. I mean, i am healthy, i am blessed, i have a grand life. really. but emotionally? i certainly feel like i've suffered quite a bit. but isn't that only because I'm selfish? like i want things to work out one way, and in most cases, they dont go exactly according to my hopes and plans--as a result, i suffer emotional distress and unhappiness, assuming that i really do want "my way" (there are cases where the other way is better, and even fewer cases where we realize this and accept and enjoy it).
we were talking about buddhism viewing life as "suffering punctuated by moments of happiness" (we as in brendan and i and a couple other guys). and well, for us, that is in NO WAY the case. i mean think about it!! all our suffering is emotional really--we are in general healthy, safe, and not really utterly alone. emotions are hard to control--we alllllll know that--but it's not impossible. if life is just suffering with some happiness thrown in there, then why not make those moments a little more often? sure, i could easily be brought down thinking about this and that, and feeling alone, and wanting more. and i am sometimes. but i mean look around u. the world's a beautiful place, even on nasty thunderstormy days. we got a lot of oppurtunities, all of us. if ur reading this, u have a computer, and that puts u in like the top 1% of the world or something (warning: made up statistic). individual people arent nearly as bad or stupid as they may seem. there are some people who i strongly dislike, for numerous reasons. and thats too bad. there are just so many "haters" out here. so many people get angry and desensitized to each other and so alone and and full of pent up emotion. and a good deal of it comes out as hate. but everyone has good qualities, even people who i wanna punch right in the skull. theyre kind, or smart, or skilled, or funny, or open, or friendly, or good one-on-one. everybody has at least ONE good thing about them, even if the bad things seem to envelop them. focus on that right? that might make it better. dont talk shit, u know? i do that too much, talking about someone who's kinda weird, or annoying. but theyre trying just like all of us.
life's hard, i guess, but damm, it sure IS a beautiful world.
look, i know nothing, but im trying. im writing this for myself maybe, it helps me sort through it all. trying to be good is important to me, and even tho i fail, i know i gotta keep plowing through. so take no offense, im not trying to be a dick and push my thoughts on you--do whatever floats your boat, and ill do the same--i just hope your boat is a loving one.
theology class has really shaped my life, come to think of it. good.
im coming home soon. im excited to see you-know-who, but im probably more excited than i should be--why cant i just let it go, let it be, move on? ya know? everyone else realizes it, so why cant i just let it be? cause im a fool, that's why! looking forward to seeing everyone else as well. give me a call if ur in the greater manchester area.