(no subject)
I know, I know, it has been far too long since the last of my LJ posts. And I apologize to all of you because I have actually managed to not read anything on here in about a month, so if it seems as if I don't know what is going on in anybody else's lives (which is not like me at all), that is the reason. I don't know why I have been so absent lately. It's not that I don't dearly love and miss everyone up there in Seattle, I guess I am just going through a very self centered stage. My feeling is that I almost have to be down here. I have to concentrate on me, and really focus on keeping the me that I found intact. I honestly feel that if I don't put all of my energy into that task, everything I have worked for and learned in this past year will just disappear; and that can't happen. I can't go back, and more, I don't want to. But this place, it's, I don't even know how to describe what it is to me. It is my past, and my present, but there is this time between past and present that has changed me, and made me not belong here. Yet I don't feel like I can belong in Seattle either because my heart is here. Damn, why can't it just be simple? Why can't the man I love let himself love me back? Why can I only find happiness with the guys that can't give me anything in return? Oh well. In a week I will head back to the place that makes my soul happy, and leave the place where all the men I have ever loved live. What does that say, what does it mean that the town I can't exist in is also the place that I find love?