2 AM
Alright, so it is 2AM and I just got back from the Hill after a really fun night of drinking really cheap beer and hanging out with some really cool people. However, there is one small problem, one of those people...well I guess I don't know quite how to explain it. What I feel for them is more then a crush (regardless of what I said in my drunken ramblings), but is clearly one sided. God, I am really starting to hate this. Why can't someone that I find attractive, or someone that I am interested in ever think the same way about me? I mean I know that I'm not the greatest catch in the world. God knows I could loose a few (dozen) pounds, and that my life will be at best chaotic next year, but damnit, I want to be wanted. I want someone to have some kind of feeling towards me that is more then friendship. Is it so unfathomable that someone find me attractive? And I know, I know, all my friends think I am pretty and stuff, but lets face it guys, you aren't attracted to me. I mean I got dressed up in an outfit tonight that included my lowest cut tank top, short skirt and my black boots yet the only person that even seemed to notice was the drunk guy on the AVE that said I had nice legs. And if I'm not hot enough in that outfit, if I can't get people to notice me when I try my hardest then maybe I will just stop.
So then this more then a crush person. You all know who it is, it's not like it has been any kind of a secret, but it is really throwing me for a loop. I haven't felt this way about a person in a long time, and it is so damn hard to know that nothing is going to happen. That once again I am not what someone could want.
On to my last purge of the night...I have two, what I consider to be very close friends that both seem to care very little for our friendship right now. I know that people are busy/moving but that is no excuse for not returning phone calls and not stopping by. Do you know how much it hurts to see the road that these relationships are going? And the question could be asked, why don't you do something Kelsey? Well the thing is, I am always the one that has to reach out, give in, put my self out there to get hurt and I'm fucking sick of it.
That was my night and my thoughts, I know it may seem like I am just bitching, and yeah, that may be the case, but a lot of this I need to get out so I hope you all understand.
So then this more then a crush person. You all know who it is, it's not like it has been any kind of a secret, but it is really throwing me for a loop. I haven't felt this way about a person in a long time, and it is so damn hard to know that nothing is going to happen. That once again I am not what someone could want.
On to my last purge of the night...I have two, what I consider to be very close friends that both seem to care very little for our friendship right now. I know that people are busy/moving but that is no excuse for not returning phone calls and not stopping by. Do you know how much it hurts to see the road that these relationships are going? And the question could be asked, why don't you do something Kelsey? Well the thing is, I am always the one that has to reach out, give in, put my self out there to get hurt and I'm fucking sick of it.
That was my night and my thoughts, I know it may seem like I am just bitching, and yeah, that may be the case, but a lot of this I need to get out so I hope you all understand.