Lonelyness and Heartache
I feel very lonely right now. I dont think that i should though. I am also very cold cause i am sitting in somone elses house to get away from my own cause i can not study there, but im not really studying here either, so ha i have decided that its the internet, although i need the internet to turn in an assignment that im doing, so i guess it all comes down to discipline, which i do not always have. i mostly do not have this all the time, there are few instances that i do, but it seems that i always remember the times i dont. I am lonely, but not only that i am anxious and excited. I am anxous that school will be over soon and, life, i at least think it will get less stressful next semester. I really hope i do not fail my interp class. cause well for starters its my major, i have hated that class since the 3rd one and i do not know if it is the profession or the professor which i do not like. I figure i will go another semester with it and see what happens. i yet again feel that my life has no direction and i am hanging by a thred trying to understand. I really do not have a specific desire to do all my life, even having a family is fleeting. which leaves me with what? God...and thats the only consant thing in life. I know that. It should be enough shouldnt it, if thats what i believe and feel whole heartedly. I doubt though. a lot. i doubt his existance and why i should follow somthing i do not see. Just cause somone is a christian it does not mean that they have life figured out, if they say that then there full of crap, and lieing to themselves, not only to you. Being a christian is harder than not. There is a standard a christian must live up to and follow. there is a saying that states " the most unhappy people in the world are christians who are not living out there faith in the way it was intended" I belive that 100% because i have been there. ITs not enough that i am a good person or that i have been all my life, but that i realize my ( YAY I DO HAVE A FRIEND!!!!, i just got a phone call!) downfalls and confess them and move closer to Christ through His love and forgivness. Ugh life is interesting, noone asks to be born, we just are and then we have to figure life out, as if we really want to. ... more to come, i have to go
But real quick before i go, i found this recently! it gives me hope.
Psalm 38
6 I am troubled, I am bowed down greatly;
I go mourning all the day long.
7 For my loins are full of inflammation,
And there is no soundness in my flesh.
8 I am feeble and severely broken;
I groan because of the turmoil of my heart.
9 Lord, all my desire is before You;
And my sighing is not hidden from You.
10 My heart pants, my strength fails me;
As for the light of my eyes, it also has gone from me.
11 My loved ones and my friends stand aloof from my plague,
And my relatives stand afar off.
12 Those also who seek my life lay snares for me;
Those who seek my hurt speak of destruction,
And plan deception all the day long.
(It is encouraging because im not alone in my thinking)
But real quick before i go, i found this recently! it gives me hope.
Psalm 38
6 I am troubled, I am bowed down greatly;
I go mourning all the day long.
7 For my loins are full of inflammation,
And there is no soundness in my flesh.
8 I am feeble and severely broken;
I groan because of the turmoil of my heart.
9 Lord, all my desire is before You;
And my sighing is not hidden from You.
10 My heart pants, my strength fails me;
As for the light of my eyes, it also has gone from me.
11 My loved ones and my friends stand aloof from my plague,
And my relatives stand afar off.
12 Those also who seek my life lay snares for me;
Those who seek my hurt speak of destruction,
And plan deception all the day long.
(It is encouraging because im not alone in my thinking)