The Quest [Oneshot]
Title: The Quest
Author: k_chan91
Disclaimer: I own nothing but my unrequited love for the duckbutt
Pairing: Jaemin
Length: Oneshot
Genre: crack...just...crack...
Rating: PG
Warnings: Crack, Jaejoong and crack
Summary: All Changmin wanted was a sandwich. What he got was The Quest.
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The Quest
"Wah...?"
"I said, where's-- Give me that."
"Hey!"
Changmin briefly considers himself on the level of an evil baby-stealing villain after the look Junsu gives him. Okay, he has a few options now. He can apologize profusely to save face or make himself into even more of an ass.
A single tear slides down the swell of Junsu's cheek.
"Agghhhhh," Changmin surrenders. "Sorry."
When he gingerly returns the controller back into the other's hand, a massive weight is lifted off his chest when Junsu's smile returns. Dammit, how does he do that?
"Will you answer my question this time?" Changmin tries again.
"Wah...?" Junsu's brain has again gone to mush and the flashing colors of the television screen reflect off his pupils.
Changmin grinds his teeth together with a smile plastered crookedly on his face, erasing any sentences containing words such as "hate," "choke," and "stab" from his vocabulary for the time being.
"Junsu," His voice is sweet. Kind of.
"Eh...?" Junsu doesn't notice.
"Can you tell me if Jaejoong is home?" Smile.
Junsu's thumbs flick buttons and knobs this way and that, eyes glued to the screen. "I dunno."
"That's not an answer, Susu." Twitch.
"Level up!"
Changmin waits until he's behind the couch and out of sight before making obscene, hateful choking, stabby gestures at Junsu's head. He pauses with his invisible sword raised high in the air, Junsu's invisible blood oozing off the blade. He reaches inside the hood of Junsu's hoodie. A scrap piece of blue paper.
Hunt the hunted.
Changmin digs another shred of paper out of his pocket, this one bright orange. The one that had been taped to the refrigerator. Of course he had found that one first.
Thou hath stumbled upon The Quest, o ye brave knight.
First, awaken the brain-dead beast.
He sighs.
There were many lunatics in this house. But only one was quite this colorful.
Two clues down.
Changmin goes up the stairs, taking two at a time. He barges into his eldest hyung's room. Nothing. Another sigh. Guess there's no getting around this game. He crosses the hallway to his other hyung's room.
"Shit! Shut the door, Min!"
Changmin's eyes squint to adjust to the sudden absence of light. "Yoochun, where's hyung?"
Yoochun, who is crouched on the floor beneath his window and peeking out the blinds like a deranged fugitive, flails at Changmin unintelligibly. "Which hyung--Shut the door, shut the door!"
Changmin does. All goes pitch black. "Yoochun?"
"Has anyone rung the doorbell?" Yoochun takes another frenzied glance through the blinds.
"No." So, please stop hiding out in your room.
"He'll come." Yoochun nods solemnly. "I know he will. He's pissed."
"You mean Jaejoong?" Changmin knows it isn't but he gives it a shot.
Yoochun shoots him a look. "NO."
"Then where is he?"
"Probably out buying liquor and guns..."
"No, Jaejoong."
"I'm not Jaejoong. I'm Yoochun."
"I know."
"Then why are you talking to me? You're gonna blow my cover."
"Because I don't know where Jaejoong is."
"You think I give a shit where Jaejoong is?" Changmin can see the whites of Yoochun's eyes through blankets of darkness. "Unless Jaejoong knows death lotus kung fu, don't bother me."
"What if I said he did? Would you help me find him?"
Yoochun's answer is a flying shoe. It bounces off Changmin's head.
Changmin might have silently picked it up and carefully jammed it all the way down to Yoochun's intestines if a small piece of red paper hadn't tumbled out of the shoe. He grabs it and leaves Yoochun warily taking watch over the front yard from his window.
Outside Yoochun's room, Changmin opens the tightly folded message. He stares at the crinkled mess. It's blank.
He flips it over and flips it over again and flips it another time, convincing himself that it just might be normal for Yoochun to hide an intricately folded piece of blank paper in his shoe. Til he finds a bit of black ink up in the corner. Changmin squints at the 3 point font.
Answer the troll's three inquiries.
It is then that Yunho comes out of his room and stares at Changmin.
"Hyung," Changmin sighs. "I'm sorry." He pats Yunho down, searching his front pockets, back pockets, shoes, socks, hair--
Yunho shakes his head. "Changmin," He unravels a yellow balled up piece of paper in his hand and looks at it reluctantly. He takes a breath. On the exhale, he crumples it back up again and throws it on the floor, shaking his head.
"What's Jaejoong up to now?"
"Is that one of my three questions?" Changmin asks, only half curious as to how Jaejoong had gotten Yunho involved.
"It is now. Unless you want me to ask you 'how many shillings it takes to buy a dragon's muzzle.'"
"Fair enough. Then I have no earthly clue."
"Do you really want to get involved in his games? It won't be pretty."
"I know. Please help me, hyung..."
"Why did Jaejoong refer to me as a troll?"
"Again, I have no earthly clue."
Yunho sighs, devoid of hope. He reaches behind his ear and pulls out a tiny pink ball of paper. He tosses it to Changmin and passes the maknae, heading for the stairs. "Escape while you still can." Yunho was still shaking his head.
Changmin unfolds the ball.
Return to your village, ye brave knight.
Changmin clutches the tiny paper and its obnoxiously tinier writing in a fist. He heads for his own room.
It will all be over soon. He will find his answers. And he can finally continue his peaceful existence amongst a house of lunatics. And Yunho.
He swings open the door and flips the light switch.
Jaejoong lies draped over the purple, silk sheets of Changmin's bed--Wait a minute. Those aren't his sheets.
He is completely naked but Changmin suspects he had rubbed some kind of oil all over to give his muscles an extra shine. He wears nothing but a paper crown he must have swiped from Burger King and a greasy smile.
"Thou hath discovered the sweet damsel in distress. Rescue me, Minnie, rescue me~"
Changmin's eyebrow twitches.
Without a word, he spins on his heel and slams the door behind him, heads down the stairs, taking two at a time.
When he opens the front door, he finds Heechul with a hand poised to knock and a couple of massive, muscled men lined up behind him. They all carry Nerf guns and bottles of soju. Heechul smiles sweetly and wordlessly lets himself inside.
As Changmin watches Heechul, plus Thugs silently close his door behind them, Changmin decides he needs a walk. But he desperately needs new roommates.
-------------------------
Okay, so I was looking through some of my unfinished stuff and stumbled upon this little half-written gem. I had long forgotten all about it and after reading it, I had no idea where I was going with it but if my own writing cracks me up so much I nearly fall on the floor, it's gotta be worth something, right? So I finished it. Still not sure where I was going with it. x'''DDD
Post/read more happy fics like this at meh comm dbkrackweens! ♥
Comments please~<3
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Author: k_chan91
Disclaimer: I own nothing but my unrequited love for the duckbutt
Pairing: Jaemin
Length: Oneshot
Genre: crack...just...crack...
Rating: PG
Warnings: Crack, Jaejoong and crack
Summary: All Changmin wanted was a sandwich. What he got was The Quest.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Quest
"Wah...?"
"I said, where's-- Give me that."
"Hey!"
Changmin briefly considers himself on the level of an evil baby-stealing villain after the look Junsu gives him. Okay, he has a few options now. He can apologize profusely to save face or make himself into even more of an ass.
A single tear slides down the swell of Junsu's cheek.
"Agghhhhh," Changmin surrenders. "Sorry."
When he gingerly returns the controller back into the other's hand, a massive weight is lifted off his chest when Junsu's smile returns. Dammit, how does he do that?
"Will you answer my question this time?" Changmin tries again.
"Wah...?" Junsu's brain has again gone to mush and the flashing colors of the television screen reflect off his pupils.
Changmin grinds his teeth together with a smile plastered crookedly on his face, erasing any sentences containing words such as "hate," "choke," and "stab" from his vocabulary for the time being.
"Junsu," His voice is sweet. Kind of.
"Eh...?" Junsu doesn't notice.
"Can you tell me if Jaejoong is home?" Smile.
Junsu's thumbs flick buttons and knobs this way and that, eyes glued to the screen. "I dunno."
"That's not an answer, Susu." Twitch.
"Level up!"
Changmin waits until he's behind the couch and out of sight before making obscene, hateful choking, stabby gestures at Junsu's head. He pauses with his invisible sword raised high in the air, Junsu's invisible blood oozing off the blade. He reaches inside the hood of Junsu's hoodie. A scrap piece of blue paper.
Hunt the hunted.
Changmin digs another shred of paper out of his pocket, this one bright orange. The one that had been taped to the refrigerator. Of course he had found that one first.
Thou hath stumbled upon The Quest, o ye brave knight.
First, awaken the brain-dead beast.
He sighs.
There were many lunatics in this house. But only one was quite this colorful.
Two clues down.
Changmin goes up the stairs, taking two at a time. He barges into his eldest hyung's room. Nothing. Another sigh. Guess there's no getting around this game. He crosses the hallway to his other hyung's room.
"Shit! Shut the door, Min!"
Changmin's eyes squint to adjust to the sudden absence of light. "Yoochun, where's hyung?"
Yoochun, who is crouched on the floor beneath his window and peeking out the blinds like a deranged fugitive, flails at Changmin unintelligibly. "Which hyung--Shut the door, shut the door!"
Changmin does. All goes pitch black. "Yoochun?"
"Has anyone rung the doorbell?" Yoochun takes another frenzied glance through the blinds.
"No." So, please stop hiding out in your room.
"He'll come." Yoochun nods solemnly. "I know he will. He's pissed."
"You mean Jaejoong?" Changmin knows it isn't but he gives it a shot.
Yoochun shoots him a look. "NO."
"Then where is he?"
"Probably out buying liquor and guns..."
"No, Jaejoong."
"I'm not Jaejoong. I'm Yoochun."
"I know."
"Then why are you talking to me? You're gonna blow my cover."
"Because I don't know where Jaejoong is."
"You think I give a shit where Jaejoong is?" Changmin can see the whites of Yoochun's eyes through blankets of darkness. "Unless Jaejoong knows death lotus kung fu, don't bother me."
"What if I said he did? Would you help me find him?"
Yoochun's answer is a flying shoe. It bounces off Changmin's head.
Changmin might have silently picked it up and carefully jammed it all the way down to Yoochun's intestines if a small piece of red paper hadn't tumbled out of the shoe. He grabs it and leaves Yoochun warily taking watch over the front yard from his window.
Outside Yoochun's room, Changmin opens the tightly folded message. He stares at the crinkled mess. It's blank.
He flips it over and flips it over again and flips it another time, convincing himself that it just might be normal for Yoochun to hide an intricately folded piece of blank paper in his shoe. Til he finds a bit of black ink up in the corner. Changmin squints at the 3 point font.
Answer the troll's three inquiries.
It is then that Yunho comes out of his room and stares at Changmin.
"Hyung," Changmin sighs. "I'm sorry." He pats Yunho down, searching his front pockets, back pockets, shoes, socks, hair--
Yunho shakes his head. "Changmin," He unravels a yellow balled up piece of paper in his hand and looks at it reluctantly. He takes a breath. On the exhale, he crumples it back up again and throws it on the floor, shaking his head.
"What's Jaejoong up to now?"
"Is that one of my three questions?" Changmin asks, only half curious as to how Jaejoong had gotten Yunho involved.
"It is now. Unless you want me to ask you 'how many shillings it takes to buy a dragon's muzzle.'"
"Fair enough. Then I have no earthly clue."
"Do you really want to get involved in his games? It won't be pretty."
"I know. Please help me, hyung..."
"Why did Jaejoong refer to me as a troll?"
"Again, I have no earthly clue."
Yunho sighs, devoid of hope. He reaches behind his ear and pulls out a tiny pink ball of paper. He tosses it to Changmin and passes the maknae, heading for the stairs. "Escape while you still can." Yunho was still shaking his head.
Changmin unfolds the ball.
Return to your village, ye brave knight.
Changmin clutches the tiny paper and its obnoxiously tinier writing in a fist. He heads for his own room.
It will all be over soon. He will find his answers. And he can finally continue his peaceful existence amongst a house of lunatics. And Yunho.
He swings open the door and flips the light switch.
Jaejoong lies draped over the purple, silk sheets of Changmin's bed--Wait a minute. Those aren't his sheets.
He is completely naked but Changmin suspects he had rubbed some kind of oil all over to give his muscles an extra shine. He wears nothing but a paper crown he must have swiped from Burger King and a greasy smile.
"Thou hath discovered the sweet damsel in distress. Rescue me, Minnie, rescue me~"
Changmin's eyebrow twitches.
Without a word, he spins on his heel and slams the door behind him, heads down the stairs, taking two at a time.
When he opens the front door, he finds Heechul with a hand poised to knock and a couple of massive, muscled men lined up behind him. They all carry Nerf guns and bottles of soju. Heechul smiles sweetly and wordlessly lets himself inside.
As Changmin watches Heechul, plus Thugs silently close his door behind them, Changmin decides he needs a walk. But he desperately needs new roommates.
-------------------------
Okay, so I was looking through some of my unfinished stuff and stumbled upon this little half-written gem. I had long forgotten all about it and after reading it, I had no idea where I was going with it but if my own writing cracks me up so much I nearly fall on the floor, it's gotta be worth something, right? So I finished it. Still not sure where I was going with it. x'''DDD
Post/read more happy fics like this at meh comm dbkrackweens! ♥
Comments please~<3
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