ggggggggrrrrrrr
Yay, all my friends are in long term, stable, wonderful, fantastic relationships. Not me. Not this girl. Everytime i turn, everytime i blink i am reminded of this. It is starting to get to me. I don't even necessarily want a boyfriend (although that would be fabulous) i just want a good friend in Winona, i have a good friend but she is in Madison, it makes being a good friend hard, and i am in no way at all mad at her about this. it's just one of those things. i have been in winona for 4 years and i feel like i have nothing, just like when i got here. everyone says that college is where you make your life long friends and i feel like i have nothing. yeah, i have friends, and people i do things with but i don't forsee them being "life long friendships." Maybe i am wrong, i guess time will tell on that one.
I guess my main thoughts right now are 'why the fuck am i home alone on a friday night?'
What did i do wrong? Where did i fuck everything up? I have no idea. If anyone knows, tell me.
I want to start over. I want to start life over. Is that possible? Hopefully when i get my internship somewhere (place undecided at moment) things will get better. Hopefully I can "start over" there. I have looked at myself, and realized i suck at everything most people are good at. I guess I am me and that is not good enough or what i should be. So i will change me. I will adapt myself to be what i need to be to be happy. I am sick of being sad/unhappy/depressed. I have been good for awhile now, but this whole day off with nothing to do but sit and think has really tore into me. Time to think is never a good thing i have realized. so starting today i will keep myself busy. I will step up the studying and offer to work more hours. Something, anything. I hate being like this. I have about 83747283 projects started that have never been finished, so instead of sitting around pondering why no one wants to hang out with me or never calls me i am just going to keep busy. Stay at it. Busy from the moment i wake up til the moment i go to sleep. Hopefully this works. HOPEFULLY.
So, if you read this, i am sorry. I am sorry you read this, i am sorry if you took offense to anything. not my intentions. Just how i feel. I still love you all, i just need to fix myself.