(no subject)
so i'm sitting here in the black rock building in the center of midtown at my poor excuse of a cubical while sara sits behind me playing her game...chloe eats her popcorn...kevin eats his homemade meatballs with hot sauce while monitoring the chat channel..lloyd plans his next photography exihibit...ruben whistles the salt and pepa while dealing with a country code issue...theo emails me about suzzane and driving to VA..the sales team is debating whether a mayo sandwich constitutes an actual sandwich...nora is working accross the street..nikki texts me...carol ims me...shaugn and i are planning dinner... At every given moment there are hundreds of things going on that I take for granted. sometimes i realise it and i cant take it. everytime i feel unhappy, i try to remember that i have to appreciate the way things are now, instead of worrying so much about what they will be in the future.
i looked back at my past entry i wrote during the fog that they called the paladyne implementation and realised what a great accomplishment it was. the storm blew over and my life has returned to normal. not without casualties (joe kicked me to the curb a few days after that last entry) but i got my kate-ness back and am in a much better place.
tyler put it perfectly when we were at evelyns on saturday surrounded by some of my closest friends "at times like this, i love life".
for the past couple of months, i've been enjoying my weekends...taking my saturdays to sleep and primp myself for saturday night festivities. sundays are for pool/christie/cleaning car/jen. some days i just feel like a million bucks and on those days, i must glow.
guys have come and gone in my life since the past entry...none of which i felt particularly attached to. its not a priority and never will be. I am much more content living my life surrounded by amazing friends and a supportive family with a job i can tolerate in a place that i absolutely adore than worrying about reeling in a man to "fill a void". the truth is, there is no void. i am content. i am a complete person by myself. the right person may come along to compliment, but not complete my life.
unfortunately i had to nix a what-could-have-been wonderful person. he still had the "i'm going to be a dj and work in night clubs for the rest of my life" attitude, had no intentions of leading a practical life, used drugs heavily, drank himself into oblivion, and worst of all, smelled really bad. we got along great, and i would have loved to be friends, i just couldnt settle for a person who just didnt want the same thing out of life that i do. unfortunately, when i told him that, he told me he no longer wanted to talk to me because it would be too hard. for the first time in my life, i felt like an asshole. never had i not given someone a chance to prove themselves, but somehow i knew it wasnt worth the wait.
i looked back at my past entry i wrote during the fog that they called the paladyne implementation and realised what a great accomplishment it was. the storm blew over and my life has returned to normal. not without casualties (joe kicked me to the curb a few days after that last entry) but i got my kate-ness back and am in a much better place.
tyler put it perfectly when we were at evelyns on saturday surrounded by some of my closest friends "at times like this, i love life".
for the past couple of months, i've been enjoying my weekends...taking my saturdays to sleep and primp myself for saturday night festivities. sundays are for pool/christie/cleaning car/jen. some days i just feel like a million bucks and on those days, i must glow.
guys have come and gone in my life since the past entry...none of which i felt particularly attached to. its not a priority and never will be. I am much more content living my life surrounded by amazing friends and a supportive family with a job i can tolerate in a place that i absolutely adore than worrying about reeling in a man to "fill a void". the truth is, there is no void. i am content. i am a complete person by myself. the right person may come along to compliment, but not complete my life.
unfortunately i had to nix a what-could-have-been wonderful person. he still had the "i'm going to be a dj and work in night clubs for the rest of my life" attitude, had no intentions of leading a practical life, used drugs heavily, drank himself into oblivion, and worst of all, smelled really bad. we got along great, and i would have loved to be friends, i just couldnt settle for a person who just didnt want the same thing out of life that i do. unfortunately, when i told him that, he told me he no longer wanted to talk to me because it would be too hard. for the first time in my life, i felt like an asshole. never had i not given someone a chance to prove themselves, but somehow i knew it wasnt worth the wait.