depression
Sometimes I feel like an empty soul, with nobody to love me, with no fulfillment of happiness left. The words that come out of everyone’s mouth now seem fake, unreal, or said just to please me. With the loss of passion, with the loss of truth, and full with hatred it’s hard for anyone to see where you are coming from when you are depressed, their lack of understanding kills me, it feels as though my insides are being ripped out and I am left soulless, heartless, I am now nothing. I cant sleep at night, I toss, I turn, I start growing nervous feelings inside me, that make me want to puke, but I am nothing, I have nothing to throw up. The days and nights grow longer, the people grow further away, and by noon I am already wishing the day would end. The words “I love you”, coming from my boyfriends mouth seem like a chore to him now. I want out, I want everything to seem real again, real was happy. Everyone, right now is a plastic doll, on the dark side, there are no Babies, flowers, or even sunshine. A cloud follows me wherever I go. Sometimes if I get lucky, I can get a hint of sunshine for a short amount of time. But, never long enough to let me catch it and hold on to it. It comes in the blink of an eye and then it vanishes again. The only truths I see are from my parents. I dislike almost everyone now. I am no longer nice, either. Every word that comes out of people’s mouths is flipped to be an insult. I cry more than ever, I feel more alone than anyone could ever. The little things that used to make me happy now don’t, I sit there wishing I could feel a taste of my old self again, but it hardly ever works. My tears seem longer too, never ending, on thing leads to another. I need comforting, but it seems as though nobody understands that. I don’t need people to try and figure me out, or understand why I am doing the things I do. I just need them to be there for me, through it all, I need them to wait, I will escape, just right now is not the time…