adrift
There's been a bit of downtime to my posts lately, I've even had troubles keeping up with the slander on the forums (and the Dailies site) and replying to fan mail.
To say that I've been lethargic would be the first large understatement of the new year.
Officially I blame the shitty economy and lack of tech jobs here in Missoula. I like to lie and say that causality has bred my ennui but it's deeper than that. Much deeper.
I had this dream once, of being a teacher. I would travel around Asia teaching English, starting in Shinjuku then Kita-ku, going through the Chinese Guangdong and Guizhou provinces and spending summers on the gorgeous Thai beaches of Phuket. I'd write in the meantime, hopefully not ending up like Harry Nicolaides. I always figured I would finish my degree here in the states because it's obligatory, especially for those who live in academia.
And it's not even as though my 'dream' is that implausible or out of reach, I've just lost all drive to follow through with it.
There was a good period of time where women in our society had their lives planned out for them. If you were born with an XX karyotype you were raised to be thrifty, make a good home, care for child and husband, and be a polite hostess; everything up to that point was biding your time. In the 1960's and 70's there was a new wave of Free-Ager mentality and the family dynamic began to evolve. Society itself bore witness to the female sex declaring its independence. And with that independence the next generations of women were born without this master plan hanging over their heads.
Some of us still do choose the Better Homes & Gardens route while others are discovering what that earned independence means. And then there are those, like myself, who wish to find a balance.
I've still yet to see the sun set over the Great Wall or watch the Sakura bloom in the springtime. I believe that beauty still exists in this world and I yearn to experience it. I also desire a family as even now my maternal instincts begin to awaken like an atrophied limb. I just don't know where to start, or how conducive one aspiration is to the other. For now I'm focusing on my volunteer work, doing what I can in my local (and national) communities until I devise my game plan. Funny how even though I know that life seldom sticks to it, I always feel better once I have a plan.
I can feel a change coming, and as Spring blooms I will shake off this haze and focus my energies elsewhere. If I can get myself away from my current routine, that is.
To say that I've been lethargic would be the first large understatement of the new year.
Officially I blame the shitty economy and lack of tech jobs here in Missoula. I like to lie and say that causality has bred my ennui but it's deeper than that. Much deeper.
I had this dream once, of being a teacher. I would travel around Asia teaching English, starting in Shinjuku then Kita-ku, going through the Chinese Guangdong and Guizhou provinces and spending summers on the gorgeous Thai beaches of Phuket. I'd write in the meantime, hopefully not ending up like Harry Nicolaides. I always figured I would finish my degree here in the states because it's obligatory, especially for those who live in academia.
And it's not even as though my 'dream' is that implausible or out of reach, I've just lost all drive to follow through with it.
There was a good period of time where women in our society had their lives planned out for them. If you were born with an XX karyotype you were raised to be thrifty, make a good home, care for child and husband, and be a polite hostess; everything up to that point was biding your time. In the 1960's and 70's there was a new wave of Free-Ager mentality and the family dynamic began to evolve. Society itself bore witness to the female sex declaring its independence. And with that independence the next generations of women were born without this master plan hanging over their heads.
Some of us still do choose the Better Homes & Gardens route while others are discovering what that earned independence means. And then there are those, like myself, who wish to find a balance.
I've still yet to see the sun set over the Great Wall or watch the Sakura bloom in the springtime. I believe that beauty still exists in this world and I yearn to experience it. I also desire a family as even now my maternal instincts begin to awaken like an atrophied limb. I just don't know where to start, or how conducive one aspiration is to the other. For now I'm focusing on my volunteer work, doing what I can in my local (and national) communities until I devise my game plan. Funny how even though I know that life seldom sticks to it, I always feel better once I have a plan.
I can feel a change coming, and as Spring blooms I will shake off this haze and focus my energies elsewhere. If I can get myself away from my current routine, that is.