Your Beard Is Good.
Life of LB:
I know that you have all been looking forward this year (as you do every year) to the Top ## Things I've Learned Before I Turn ##. But, I realize that I haven't learned much this year so I'm going to change it up a bit.
The Top 23 Things You Never Needed To Know About Me As I Turn 23:
1. I have a jar of oil that looks suspiciously like a jar of urine on top of my fridge.
2. I have a huge boner for the image of men eating cereal.
3. My capacity for sexual violence is not only noteworthy, it's bookable.
4. My favourite breakfast, lunch and dinner item is a wrap (warmed for 20 seconds) with sambal oelek.
5. I pretty much never shower anymore.
6. I wrote a fan letter to Doogie Howser when I was 5 years old. It broke my little 5 year old heart when he didn't write me back and I've been bitter ever since.
7. On the days when I should be out getting my life together I'm probably at home watching 15 second clips of tentacle rape porn on the internet.
8. Neither of my big toes have feeling.
9. I'm am of that 8% of women who can receive an orgasm via their boobies.
10. I stopped holding my breath like Jeffrey Dahmer when I found out that Jeffrey Dahmer did it.
11. I hate when people don't wear their bike helmets.
12. Generally, Avril Lavigne songs perfectly articulate what I'm feeling at a completely perfect moment.
13. If I can't sleep I review as much Kevin Smith trivia as I possibly can.
14. I carry an amethyst in my purse that one of my ex's mom gave me.
15. I study dead languages.
16. I practice the most minor of conversations in front of the mirror.
17. I was a foot model for a small print of fetish photographs
18. Sometimes I think about who would come to my funeral and what they would wear.
Okay, I was struggling to think of more things but as it is I've decided that if I made it to 19 a virgin I can leave your "why the fuck would she tell that to anyone??" virgin eyes safely in their sockets. And that, boys ad girls, is the Life of LB.
Be good.
LB.
Special Thanks to: Bettina, Austin, Jason, Bubba, Kyle, Gibas, Chorstore and Brian. You're all my Bret and Jermaines.
I know that you have all been looking forward this year (as you do every year) to the Top ## Things I've Learned Before I Turn ##. But, I realize that I haven't learned much this year so I'm going to change it up a bit.
The Top 23 Things You Never Needed To Know About Me As I Turn 23:
1. I have a jar of oil that looks suspiciously like a jar of urine on top of my fridge.
2. I have a huge boner for the image of men eating cereal.
3. My capacity for sexual violence is not only noteworthy, it's bookable.
4. My favourite breakfast, lunch and dinner item is a wrap (warmed for 20 seconds) with sambal oelek.
5. I pretty much never shower anymore.
6. I wrote a fan letter to Doogie Howser when I was 5 years old. It broke my little 5 year old heart when he didn't write me back and I've been bitter ever since.
7. On the days when I should be out getting my life together I'm probably at home watching 15 second clips of tentacle rape porn on the internet.
8. Neither of my big toes have feeling.
9. I'm am of that 8% of women who can receive an orgasm via their boobies.
10. I stopped holding my breath like Jeffrey Dahmer when I found out that Jeffrey Dahmer did it.
11. I hate when people don't wear their bike helmets.
12. Generally, Avril Lavigne songs perfectly articulate what I'm feeling at a completely perfect moment.
13. If I can't sleep I review as much Kevin Smith trivia as I possibly can.
14. I carry an amethyst in my purse that one of my ex's mom gave me.
15. I study dead languages.
16. I practice the most minor of conversations in front of the mirror.
17. I was a foot model for a small print of fetish photographs
18. Sometimes I think about who would come to my funeral and what they would wear.
Okay, I was struggling to think of more things but as it is I've decided that if I made it to 19 a virgin I can leave your "why the fuck would she tell that to anyone??" virgin eyes safely in their sockets. And that, boys ad girls, is the Life of LB.
Be good.
LB.
Special Thanks to: Bettina, Austin, Jason, Bubba, Kyle, Gibas, Chorstore and Brian. You're all my Bret and Jermaines.