One

[k1ll_the_k1ds]

Know whats great right now? being all fucked up in the head. its so goddamned fun. i fucking love it. i know i have problems, and i learned to deal with them. i worked around them, and they were so mild, that i could ignore them. after 6 months of research, i concluded that i had type I, residual schizophrenia. Residual schizophrenia is when symptoms of the disease are present, but very mildly. the problem is now, after 9 months of research, i know much more about the disease. i know so much about the different types, and symptoms, etc. i know the disease is progressing. i know that i am getting worse. i can see all these symptoms popping up that werent there before. the worst part is that i am so educated on this illness. i know exactly what is happening to me, but i cant do anything about it. its like the snakes with the poison that paralyzes a victim, instead of killing it. the mouse is alive and knows that the snake is killing it, but it cant move to get away.

i am the mouse, and this disease is the snake. i am paralyzed, and i dont know what to do next.

I Hold my breath as I wish for death, Oh Please God help me.