Darling I think it’s time that I let you go..
Well, last night Matt came over after he got out of work. We took a walk and went in new houses. Then we went back to my house and he wanted to cuddle. Hmmmf. So i unpacked from Columbia and just cleaned up and then put in a movie and laid down. He was hugging me and kissing me and just...idk...i was like "why are you doing this?" and he said "to show u how much i missed u!" and i told him that he has to stop making me happy bc it will hurt me more in the long run if he just lives lies..and that he needs to find out what he wants. I also ended up finding out that the reason he lost feelings for me was because there was another girl. He works with her..she's in college..and she used to date his like..only guy friend. Wait, they were talking...my bad. He asked her to be his girlfriend..and out on a date..while we were still together..she told him no. I asked him why he liked her and he said because she had long hair. Wow. What a great reason to like someone. I didn't get upset at the time..but now that i think about it..if she had said yes..he would have thrown everything away. How could he do that? I know that i should not give him another chance..but the fact of the matter is..that i'm stupid and listening to everyone telling me not to take him back, including myself, doesn't do anything. I still love and care about him and i don't want to lose him. He has me wrapped around his finger. Then today we went to church together..and he told Father that i was his girlfriend. Why does he do these things? He said last night that when i touch him he gets all tingly and its a really good feeling..then why does he doubt?? It just does not make any sense. I wish that I could find someone who is interested in me..as much as i am with them. i told him that i want him to take her out and kiss her to see if he really has feelings for me. It will kill me.. but that's the only way we will know what to do. Gahh..fucking heartbreaker. Playing with my emotions.
I just wanna tell you so you know..here i go scream my lungs out try to get to you. you are my only one i let go theres just no one who gets me like you do you are my only my only one. made my mistakes let you down and i cant hold on for too long. ran my whole life in the ground and i cant get up when youre gone