Title: Island
Pairing: Nanase Haruka/OC
Rating: PG-13
Summary: When graduation is right around the corner...
Note: This is the third and last part of the fourth installment. You may find the previous installments here:
CoastlineSoup-PortHarbor On a cloudy Saturday, just when Miharu’s thoughts start to gather in her favor, they scatter once more. And they somehow literally do when she bumps into someone and almost trips over. She had just bought a book she has been looking for since a few days ago, finally finding a copy in one of the bookstores in the next town over and had just been happily walking out of the small building. Fortunately, the person she collided into manages to hold her wrist and prevent her from completely falling, pulling her over to lean against their chest.
“I-I’m so sorry-“ Miharu says in a panic but before she could say anything more, she freezes. Sousuke is looking down at her with his brows knitted together.
“Hasegawa-san, was it?” Aiichirou speaks up, running to the side from behind Sousuke. “Are you okay? Good thing Yamazaki-senpai caught you!”
Sousuke lets go of Miharu, who seems to be in a daze for a second before she snaps back to reality and picks up the paper bag she just dropped. He bends down as well so he can get the can of mandarin oranges that jumped out from the plastic bag he’s carrying. He instinctively looks up at Miharu since she has already stood up and once they meet gazes again, she swiftly looks away, awkward. He stands up then and puts the can inside the bag. As he towers over the girl, he remembers what Rin told him before.
“Do you have a minute?” Sousuke asks out of the blue, surprising Miharu.
“Huh?”
It almost feels natural to be in that park at that moment. Somehow, it’s like it was predestined to happen. As they walk around side by side, Miharu and Sousuke become shrouded in silence. They have left Aiichirou on a bench by the entrance, Sousuke forcing him to keep watch on the groceries so that the younger boy wouldn’t interfere with his intentions. Aiichirou didn’t protest though. If he did, then maybe Sousuke wouldn’t feel that being alone with Miharu then is so-called karma for his insensitivity a few days before.
“What I said before-“
“It’s all right,” Miharu cuts in. Sousuke can see her clutching the paper bag in her hands through his peripheral vision.
She’s trembling huh.
Sousuke pockets his hands in his hoodie. He knows Miharu is scared of him but they need to talk normally if he wants to set things right. “Miharu-san.”
“Y-Yes?”
Sighing, Sousuke turns to look at his companion. “I apologize for acting the way I did before but I won’t take back my words. I hope you understand that.” Miharu nods quietly. She bows her head low enough to make her hair part behind her which prompts Sousuke to look down at her and stare at her nape. “Turns out that Rin is actually the one worried about you,” he says, finally looking away.
“I didn’t mean to…” Miharu starts but she trails off.
“I know,” Sousuke replies, combing his hair back with a hand. “You’re just fond of running away, aren’t you?” Expectedly, there is no answer and so he continues, “You should be exhausted from doing that by now.”
“Not really…”
Sousuke stops walking. They’re standing under a tree now, its shade partially shadowing them. The clouds overhead have gotten darker and the breeze has gotten colder. It’s going to rain soon. “Don’t you think continuing like this will make it even more difficult?” he adds, raising his voice a little. “Shouldn’t you face your fears already?”
Looking up at Sousuke, Miharu replies, “I’m trying.” She appears calm but there’s this look in her eyes that dances wildly, so very evident that Sousuke can’t seem to tear his attention away.
“Are you?” he taunts unintentionally.
“I…” Miharu clears her throat. “I don’t have to prove myself to you. All I can truly say is that I’m really, really trying my best.”
At that instant, Sousuke realizes why the look of determination in Miharu’s eyes seems so familiar.
Rin has that same look in his eyes back when we were kids…
“You…” Sousuke murmurs as he stares at Miharu, grinning.
Alarmed, Miharu steps back a little. Once she feels like she’s been backed into a corner, she makes herself appear like she can put up a good fight, her confidence solid. “W-What?”
Sousuke chuckles to himself, confusing Miharu as she tilts her head to one side. “You remind me of someone really important to me.”
“Eh?”
His cool returning, Sousuke shakes his head. “Never mind that. But you’re right,” he says as he starts walking again, the girl following cautiously. “You don’t need to prove yourself to anyone but yourself.”
“Exactly.” Miharu nods proudly.
“But to do that, you need to slow down. There’s no point in hurrying off to someplace far to figure things out, without even being sure if, once you leave, you can go back to that same spot and be strong.” Sousuke sighs deeply this time. Memories from when after Rin left for Australia flood his conscience. What stops him from reliving painful moments is Miharu’s sneeze then. He turns to her at the same time she covers half of her face with her handkerchief, narrowing her eyes at something in the distance. She looks utterly funny like that. “Hey.”
Miharu looks up at Sousuke as they stop a little ways away from where they left Aiichirou. The tall boy has this smirk on his face that Miharu finds both cool and arrogant. She has never been sure on what level she is in front of Sousuke, not sure of where she stands under his gaze, especially at that moment when his attention is glued to her, his eyes softening. Initially, Miharu thought he was a bit of a bully but with his following words, she decides to rethink her opinion of him.
“Don’t push away the people who care about you. After all, they’re the ones who’re going to welcome you back when you decide to stop running away.” Sousuke reaches a hand out toward Miharu and combs his fingers past her bangs, holding the strands up despite the girl’s incessant protests. The sight of her wide forehead makes him look at her weirdly and teasingly. “You seem stubborn but don’t get too ahead of yourself. You’ll give Nanase a hard time.”
At the mention of Haruka’s name, Miharu’s rambling protests come to an ultimate halt. “W-Wait. Why did you-“
“The news says it’s going to rain,” Sousuke interrupts as he lets go of Miharu’s hair and starts to walk toward Aiichirou. He doesn’t look back at her, thinking that her face is probably red from embarrassment and that he doesn’t need to see another amusing thing to laugh at.
“Welcome back, senpai,” Aiichirou greets with a smile as Sousuke grabs the plastic bag he is supposed to carry.
“Let’s go.”
“But what about Hasegawa-san?” Aiichirou asks as he turns around to look for Miharu but she’s not there anymore. “She’s gone.”
“It’s gotten late.”
Chuckling, Aiichirou runs after the other boy who has started to walk ahead. “You’re right. Oh but Yamazaki-senpai.”
“What is it?”
A mischievous, teasing smile appears on Aiichirou’s face. Sousuke cocks a brow at the sight. “You seem to be fond of Hasegawa-san.”
“What?” Sousuke scoffs in disbelief.
“I mean just a while ago, were you patting her head? I couldn’t really see-“
“You were imagining things.”
“Was I?” Aiichirou muses aloud, seriously considering the possibility. “But anyway, Hasegawa-san is such a petite girl. She looks so tiny standing next to you, Yamazaki-senpai.”
Sousuke keeps quiet. Those things don’t really matter to him.
“Hey, senpai.”
“What is it now?”
“When you were with Hasegawa-san earlier…” Aiichirou trails off for a bit before he ends up chuckling again. “It’s like you were giving affection to a stray cat.”
Passively, Sousuke recalls Miharu’s mannerisms and reactions, how they are both so weird and, most definitely, amusing.
A cat, huh? She does act like one…
“Yamazaki-senpai?” Aiichirou calls out. The other boy has indeed spaced out there.
Sousuke sighs. “She’s just too immature. That’s all.”
“Hmm~” the younger boy hums, curious but satisfied with his upperclassman’s answer nonetheless. “You two look good together, in my opinion,” he comments. It’s obvious then that Aiichirou doesn’t know about Haruka and Miharu’s relationship, much less suspect them of the sort. Those two seem to surprise Sousuke more and more.
“Shut up.”
“S-Sorry, senpai!”
As much as possible, Sousuke doesn’t want to get too involved with Miharu. It just so happens that if she doesn’t fix herself sooner, Rin would get even more distracted. He won’t just sit around and watch his best friend mess up because of a little girl. It’s too pathetic.
As Sousuke stops walking to look up at the evening sky, drops of water come falling on his cheeks. “It’s raining.”
“Yamazaki-senpai, hurry!” Aiichirou shouts as he begins to run toward the dorm.
Sousuke doesn’t run though. He walks at his own pace and upon reaching the dorm’s entrance, in the corner where the lamps’ light barely reaches, he glimpses a white kitten taking shade in the darkness. It’s soaked from the rain, shivering pitifully by itself. It has no strength left to run as Sousuke approaches it, kneeling before it and carefully reaching out a hand to pet it.
“Sousuke?”
“Hey,” Sousuke replies without looking back. Rin is standing behind him now.
“Huh? How’d that get here?” Rin asks upon seeing the kitten. Sousuke passes the plastic bag to the other boy so he can carry the tiny creature with both hands, being watched curiously. “Are you going to take it in?”
Realization striking him, Sousuke pauses as he gazes into the kitten’s green eyes. It’s not scared of him, nor is it trying to earn his pity. The creature simply stares back at him.
“We’re not allowed to keep animals here but maybe we can let it rest for a night. We can let it go once the rain stops,” Rin suggests as he starts for the door.
“But-“
“Sousuke.” Rin grins over his shoulder. “You took notice of it so take responsibility for a while.”
Reluctant to protest, Sousuke sighs as he casually hides the kitten in his jacket, following his best friend into the building. Against his fingers, he can feel the kitten nuzzle its head. The tiny warmth against his skin reminds him of the embarrassed look on Miharu’s face before he left her and it’s random, really, but Sousuke’s mind lingers to that time anyway.
The following weeks come in a tornado of confusion, exhaustion, frustration and destructive isolation. Haruka and the others have gone to their respective competitions while Miharu has been busy with university application forms, going back and forth from Iwatobi Town to Tokyo, securing her classes and whatnot. Her schedule has been so busy that she only gets the time to visit Haruka and the others after the events. Throughout such days, she decided not to bother the team too much so she was partly fortunate to be busy. However, there was a long period of time when Miharu couldn’t contact Haruka at all and whenever she asked Makoto about him, the boy would only shake his head and tell her to not worry. Of course she worried and even tried to visit him but he wasn’t there.
It was only a day after the nationals that Haruka decided to call Miharu. She was at Tokyo at the time, looking for an apartment room to rent.
“Haru?”
There’s an abrupt silence as if the quiet boy didn’t at all think about what to say if she picked up. When a moment passes, Haruka finally sighs lightly into the receiver. “Where are you?”
“I’m at Tokyo right now.” Miharu stops as she gasps, remembering the news Gou emailed her the day before. “I promise I’ll make it up to you and the others next time but congratulations on winning! I know the team did extremely well.”
Another silence slips in but it’s not so sudden as that of the previous one. Miharu isn’t certain how she can tell but there are moments of different kinds of silence with Haruka. Some are abrupt, which are often spent contemplating; others are passive, often spent when words become too much of a burden to create answers; and most are meaningful, spent to be savored. The silence then, Miharu knows, is meaningful for when Haruka speaks again, it’s as if he’s smiling and because he doesn’t show his smile often, Miharu knows exactly the tone of his voice when he does.
“Thank you.”
Miharu leans against the door of the empty room she’s in. She wants to see Haruka as soon as possible.
“Miharu.”
“Hm?”
“I have a dream now.”
Honestly, Haruka will never know how those words wash over Miharu like a wave of both relief and genuine happiness. The confidence in his voice makes the girl shiver in delight and she really just wants to see him and talk to him and listen to his dream and just simply be there with him.
“I want to see you, Haru,” she whispers with borrowed courage because she doesn’t know how much she needed before that moment.
On the other line, Miharu may never know but from the initial surprised look on his face to the softening of his eyes and a fond little smile forming on his lips, Haruka feels his heart race yet he isn’t certain if what he’s feeling then is relief because he hasn’t seen Miharu for far too long and hearing her voice has become a gift or if it’s completely the happiness from hearing his girlfriend say the same words he wants to say. Either way, Haruka knows what he truly wants to do.
“I want to see you, too.”
It goes without saying, really, that as soon as Miharu’s hectic schedule is cleared, she goes to visit Haruka at his house. It also goes without saying that the moment Haruka lets Miharu inside his home, he quietly hugs her from behind, just tight enough to press the feelings in his chest against her body so that when he lets go, Miharu turns to him and holds his hand, squeezing it to return the sentiment.
“Rin took me to Australia before the nationals,” Haruka starts as a continuation of his confession a few days before. “He brought me to a place where I want to continue swimming. To earn my place there, I decided to go to Tokyo.”
Miharu smiles from beside Haruka. They’re sitting outside, at the engawa, watching birds fly up in the sky. The summer sun is shining so brightly that Miharu can barely keep her attention on the clouds for even a minute. Haruka, on the other hand, has turned his focus on the cracks on the ground. The lines stretch almost endlessly across the parched land that they almost look like black threads scattered about, waiting for someone to rope them in.
“I took an early entrance examination to X University, for Literature,” Miharu shares now as she pulls her legs up and hugs them, resting her chin atop her knees. Through her peripheral vision, she can see Haruka staring at her, waiting. “I passed. So that while you and the others were off at competitions, I was going back and forth from here to Tokyo just to secure my classes and a place to stay at.” She turns to Haruka with a self-pitying smile. She remembers the gossip floating in school about a certain boy who stopped swimming in the middle of a race and stood stock still in the water as if he just suddenly found it useless to continue. But some way or another, hearing those false, judgmental accusations and knowing the boy in question and his recent struggles, Miharu instantly knew that, at that time, the point to continue swimming had really eluded Haruka, and it pained her when she couldn’t find him. “I’m sorry for not being there when you needed someone, Haru.”
As Miharu lowers her gaze to the ground, on the pair of sandals Haruka always lets her borrow whenever she comes over, the boy leans over, resting his head against her shoulder. He breathes in deeply and a tad shakily. He wants to believe that it’s just the heat that’s making him weak then and not a certain someone’s sad smile. “You’re here now,” he points out simply, sighing. Though his words are really so very simple, Haruka unconsciously hopes that they set Miharu’s mind at ease. And they do.
“Yeah…” Miharu mumbles as she leans her head against Haruka’s own, closing her eyes to savor the summer breeze and the boy’s warmth. “I’m right here.”
When there are no more words left to say, Haruka walks Miharu home, under an umbrella of meaningful silence and hushed lingering secrets.
A scorching afternoon, it is, when Miharu finishes checking her favorite bookstore to pass the day and decides to walk into a nearby café to cool off. Not a lot of people are around, to Miharu’s relief. She walks up toward the counter and gets in line behind this tall fellow. It sounds like he’s ordering a box of brownies but something seems off, Miharu feels. She listens to the guy in front of her and his voice sounds really familiar, resonating within her scattered memories. As she tries to sort out her conscience, the fellow in front of her turns around and then it finally hits her.
“Yamazaki-kun!”
At the amusing squeak of his name, Sousuke looks down at Miharu and stares at her surprised face for a while until he smiles a lopsided grin. “Hey.”
To the few customers around, the ones with curious gazes, Miharu and Sousuke must look like strangers who happen to be sitting right across from each other. To those who have teasing smiles and mischievous glints in their eyes, Miharu and Sousuke probably look like a couple who got into an argument and are not on speaking terms at that moment. To those who occasionally glance at them, Miharu and Sousuke most probably just look like two individuals who are just sitting with each other until the latter’s order of boxed brownies arrive so he can leave and the former can relax with her vanilla frappe. That’s all there is to it, really.
“Are you meeting Nanase here?”
Though she’s not facing Sousuke then, Miharu narrows her eyes, her lips forming into a very forced smile. “No.”
Following Miharu’s gaze, Sousuke looks out the window as well. The street is colored with umbrellas of different hues. It’s like there’s a parade out there, with no particular synchronization whatsoever. With both of their focus outside, Miharu and Sousuke don’t notice the waitress standing beside their table and it takes a while, even after the waitress speaks, for both of them to turn to the lady and see that she has served the box of brownies Sousuke had ordered.
“Thank you,” Miharu says by reflex. As soon as the waitress tips her head and leaves, Miharu shakes her head as if to rack her brain so that her thoughts return to their respective places.
“Are you going to stay here long?” Sousuke asks whilst checking his order.
Miharu glances at the sun outside and then looks back to observe Sousuke securing his purchase. “Only until the sun disappears. It’s too hot outside.”
“All right,” he replies, reclining in his seat. Miharu looks at him weirdly then. “What?”
“You’re not leaving?” comes Miharu’s abrupt and somewhat rude question which she immediately realizes and says, “Sorry. I mean, you got your order already so I assumed you’d be taking your leave.”
Sousuke shrugs. “It’s too hot outside.”
“I see…” she mumbles as she looks down at her lap.
“What? You don’t want to hang out with me?” Sousuke jokes dryly, crossing his arms. Though it’s not directed at him, he can see Miharu scowling.
“That’s a terrible joke.”
“Hm.” he hums nonchalantly, checking his phone then.
Curiously, Miharu eyes the box in front of her companion. It says ‘Cinnamon Bons’ on the surface and it’s a rather big box so its contents might be too much for someone like Sousuke, who doesn’t at all seem to have a sweet tooth. Nagisa might be able to finish all of those brownies by himself but that’s Nagisa - he can eat a lot.
“Do you like sweets, Yamazaki-kun?”
Pocketing his phone, Sousuke genuinely gives some thought to Miharu’s question. “Not that much.”
“Do you like cinnamon then?”
“I hate it.”
Miharu and Sousuke stare at each other quietly before the former lowers her gaze to the box again, the latter following suit.
“What?” Sousuke asks after a while of awkward silence. He finds Miharu’s curious face amusing though.
“No, it’s just…” Miharu trails off until she dismisses her unnecessary curiosity. “You ordered cinnamon-flavored brownies. That’s all.”
Humming in understanding, Sousuke explains, “This isn’t for me. Rin asked me to buy some for Gou.”
Miharu chuckles at her silliness. “Is that so?”
“Do you like sweets?”
“I do, but I can’t handle too many pastries.”
“Why is that?”
“I get sick easily. That’s why I like eating candies better.”
“Isn’t it the same?”
“Not at all!” Miharu defends. “Candies have fewer amounts of sugar compared to pastries.”
“But they’re sweet all the same,” Sousuke retorts. “If you eat a certain amount of candies, then it’s like eating one or two brownies.”
Miharu frowns. “That’s not right at all. Sugar is basically the foundation of pastries so they’re used in much more amounts. You can’t really count how many candies you need to eat to say that you’ve already eaten one brownie. Unless you really want to know and you’re fond of tedious work, most likely you’d want to measure the candies and compare whatever the results are to that of the sugar measurement of one brownie but that all depends on certain brands of candies and brownies and what equipment you would be using. Really, it’s hard and, maybe, depending on what side you’re on, unnecessary work.”
It comes out abruptly, Sousuke’s laughter. It’s not sarcastic or mocking or anything remotely bad. He’s simply laughing. Ever since the first time they were introduced, Miharu has been intimidated by Sousuke but now that she watches him laugh and hears the genuine amusement in his voice, she realizes that she’s been talking to Sousuke all that time without feeling scared at all. Yes, it’s totally awkward sitting with each other alone like that but talking came as naturally as Sousuke’s smile then.
“You just suddenly started defending sugar intakes,” Sousuke says with a bit of amusement left in his tone. “And you looked so into it, too.”
“Whatever…” Miharu groans.
The waitress appears again and this time she serves the vanilla frappe. Miharu says her thanks and peels the cover off of her straw and dips the thin tube into her drink to stir it. Sousuke stares dazedly at the girl as she takes a sip off her drink. He catches a small, contented smile stretch momentarily on her lips. Miharu looks like a little girl who just had a taste of heaven.
“Do you talk with Nanase like this?”
“Hm?”
Realizing what he just said, Sousuke shakes his head then looks outside again. “It’s nothing.”
Miharu shrugs before she takes another sip. “Shouldn’t you be heading back by now? Gou-chan and Rin must be waiting for you.”
Sousuke looks back at her then down at the box on the table. He stares at it passively. He really does need to go back. The sun has already hidden itself behind the clouds and the street is ridded of pedestrians. It’s the perfect time to leave. It really is. From across the table, Miharu probably thinks the same. What’s stopping him?
“Did you just say Rin’s name? Just ‘Rin’?”
“That’s not the point here…” Miharu replies quietly though the blush on her cheeks is evident. Sousuke doesn’t need to wonder about Miharu’s closeness with Rin, having suspected something from that particular conversation with his best friend before. He just somehow wants to forget that he really does need to leave.
“I’ll wait for a bit.”
“Wait for what?”
“That time when I feel like leaving.”
It’s such a vague answer. The words said mean what they really mean, and nothing else; nothing extraordinary, just simply vague but straightforward. It seems that way to Miharu but it rings differently, for some reason, in Sousuke’s mind. The words just came out, like his mind blanked out when they left his tongue. It’s strange, yes, but Sousuke doesn’t want to pay much mind to it.
“Hey, Yamazaki-kun.”
“Hm?”
“Nothing. I was just trying to break the ice.”
“I don’t think you’re doing it right.”
“At least I tried.”
“’Miharu’, was it?”
“Y-Yeah?”
“Do you mind if I call your name like that?”
Wordlessly, Miharu shakes her head, obviously embarrassed yet she still has the strength to put on a seemingly indifferent expression in front of Sousuke.
“Then it’s ‘Sousuke’.”
“Yamazaki-kun.”
“You’re really stubborn, aren’t you?” Sousuke remarks with a sigh. Miharu chuckles suddenly.
“See? You’re trying to break the ice, too.”
The smile directed at him is small but true. It’s a passing smile but Sousuke feels like he can trust it for a while, like how it seems that the sun that day is melting more than just the ice in the tall glass of vanilla frappe and the chocolate sprinkles on the carefully baked and boxed cinnamon bons.
Their last summer in high school is slowly coming to an end. Miharu has been spending the last days of this scorching period of the year visiting the local pool to watch Makoto teach the town kids how to swim. He did this before the summer break but he had to stop to concentrate on training. Lately, though, he has started to help out again. Haruka comes along most of the times but other times, he has been readying himself for the university he’s enrolling to, having been scouted and given the best deal. That particular day, Haruka has to go to Tokyo to meet up with his future coach so Miharu has to visit Makoto alone.
“Miharu-chan!” Makoto calls out as he sees the girl waiting by the pool exit.
“Miharu-chan~” another calls out quite more playfully than Makoto, who freezes midway to talk to the girl. A rather tall guy appears from the exit Miharu is standing next to. He towers over her and tousles her hair.
“Kisumi!” Makoto calls out as well, now jogging hurriedly toward Miharu and the newcomer.
“Hi there!” Kisumi greets happily.
Shigino Kisumi - that’s the tall guy’s name. Since Miharu has been visiting the pool for the past few days, she has become quite close with Kisumi, who visits his younger brother Hayato during his swimming lessons and who apparently went to the same middle school as Haruka and Makoto, as well as the same elementary school as Rin and Sousuke. It just so happens that Makoto is Hayato’s favorite instructor so Miharu has become good friends with the little boy as well.
It’s quite obvious why Makoto is being discreetly protective of Miharu whenever Kisumi is around. After all, the boy is quite popular with the girls and he does come off as a bit of a flirt when he’s trying to make friends with the females although he means well. Despite visiting the pool with Haruka on most days, Kisumi still doesn’t know that Miharu is actually his old classmate’s girlfriend. To Makoto, this is hard to believe. Whenever Haruka is around and Kisumi tries to strike up a friendly conversation with Miharu, the quiet boy purposely pulls the girl to his side so he can stand in between her and Kisumi, who takes such an action as nothing but Haruka’s way of saying, “Stop bothering her” or “You’re too noisy”. Makoto has his own variation of the situation wherein he reads Haruka’s facial expression that discreetly shows his overprotectiveness over Miharu and, as he stands in between Kisumi and Miharu, saying, “Stop talking to my girlfriend”. But Makoto knows how Haruka uses actions more than words and how Kisumi can be clueless in some situations. Miharu can be dense, too, he has observed.
“I worry about them…” Makoto would mumble to himself whenever he witnesses Haruka, Kisumi and Miharu in that kind of situation.
But when Haruka isn’t around, Makoto takes it upon himself to ward off Kisumi’s approaches that seem too friendly, like tousling Miharu’s hair.
“Oh? Haru isn’t here today?” Kisumi asks now. He and Miharu are keeping Makoto company as he eats his lunch. Hayato has gone to the other side of the visitor’s area to eat with his friends and in so doing, leaving his older brother feeling a tad ignored.
“He has some things to take care of today,” Makoto explains briefly before he serves himself an egg roll.
Kisumi leans back in his seat. “Hm~ so it’s only going to be me and Miharu-chan?”
Miharu laughs. “You make it sound like it’s a punishment to hang out with me.”
“Don’t say that!” Kisumi bursts as he leans forward to look at Miharu. Makoto has made sure to sit in between them so Kisumi has to exert more effort. “I love hanging out with Miharu-chan!”
“You’re kidding,” she says, suspicious, a brow raised at the jubilant boy.
“Miharu-chan is so fun to be with! Why would I lie?”
Makoto coughs to divert the other boy’s attention away from the troubled girl. “Hayato-kun has been doing really well lately.”
At the mention of his little brother’s name, Kisumi’s ears perk up. If there’s anything that will completely distract Kisumi, then it’s Hayato. “I know! The way he smiles when he jumps into the water is so priceless. I really can’t thank you enough, Makoto.”
“Anything to be of help,” Makoto replies humbly. He gets embarrassed easily whenever Kisumi acts that way.
Listening to Kisumi fawn over Hayato always makes Miharu smile, even when Makoto talks about Ren and Ran on some occasions. Both of them remind her of her older sisters. All three of them are close, so close that they oftentimes think the same thoughts or even say the same words at the same time. She’s the youngest in the family so being babied is only natural but it’s completely different, to be babied by one’s older siblings. It’s a connection that can’t be easily put into words. To Miharu, seeing someone baby their younger siblings is like witnessing that precious connection.
“You’re such a good older brother, Kisumi-kun,” Miharu comments calmly. Kisumi and Makoto stare at her, their eyes softening.
“Thank you, Miharu-chan,” he says happily, smiling warmly at the girl who smiles back.
Makoto looks at both Kisumi and Miharu. Though they’re completely different persons, they have this innocence shrouding them. It’s like watching over two kids, he thinks.
After lunch, Kisumi takes his leave to go grocery shopping, promising to come back for Hayato later in the afternoon. Makoto returns to his class, pulling Miharu along so she can stand close by. He doesn’t want her to be by herself so having her close makes it easier for him to keep an eye on her.
It’s funny how Miharu-chan really is like a younger sister to me.
As the class continues, from time to time, Makoto glimpses Miharu watching the kids swim with great focus, so intently that she begins to look distant, unreachable…
“Miharu-chan.”
Everything turns into black suddenly. Miharu hears her heart beating loudly in the darkness and she feels herself lose balance. When she comes to, she sees the floor and a pair of feet in front of hers. She feels someone holding her arm and when she looks up, she stares right into Makoto’s worried eyes. His lips are moving - he’s talking, but she can’t hear what he’s saying. It takes a while for her to understand him and when she does, it’s like she just emerged from the water.
“Can you hear me? Are you okay?” Makoto repeats, almost in a panic. The kids in the water are watching them curiously.
Miharu manages to smile. “I’m sorry. I just got a little dizzy.”
Makoto lets go of Miharu’s arm but his eyes are still focused on her suddenly pale face. “Are you sure? Do you want some medicine then? I can get some in the office-“
“I’m really okay now, Makoto-kun. Please stop worrying,” she says to reassure the boy. She still feels lightheaded but it’s not something to fuss over. She knows she’ll be just fine.
Coach Sasabe Goro happens to be passing by and had witnessed the incident. He asks Makoto to rest for a while to keep Miharu company. The two sit on one of the benches facing the diving blocks. Miharu has been apologizing to Makoto for the nth time then but the boy simply shakes his head.
“Haru will get upset with me if I fail to watch over you,” Makoto jokes but instead of making Miharu laugh, he makes her smile sadly to herself.
“I’m really okay, Makoto-kun. You don’t have to force yourself to watch over me,” Miharu says in a quiet voice.
Smiling, Makoto pats her head gently. “I’m not forcing myself. I want to watch over you not only for Haru’s sake, but also for mine.”
“Mm…” Miharu hums lowly, reluctant to believe Makoto’s words. The caring boy knows this well.
They rest quietly, watching the children run around the pool before jumping into the water. The other instructors are holding their classes and their students are clearly enjoying the lessons. The carefree smiles of those children reflect clearly in Miharu’s dark brown orbs before the scenery becomes blurry and she closes her eyes, covering them with her hands.
“What’s wrong, Miharu-chan?” Makoto asks as he turns to his companion.
“It’s nothing…” she mumbles. Even with her eyes closed, in the darkness, the children’s smiles flash before her so brightly that her heart constricts so painfully to squeeze out warm tears. She hurriedly wipes them away with her palms but a lone tear catches Makoto’s attention.
Makoto doesn’t speak as he waits for Miharu to put her hands down and open her eyes. No matter how hard she tries to hide her voice, Makoto can still hear her muffled sobs against her tear-stained palms. Even at this sort of moment, Miharu refuses to rely on Makoto; refuses to lean on him and cry; refuses to let him hear how much she needs help. But Makoto knows that Miharu really is strong, so strong that she becomes unreachable and she probably doesn’t know but when she distances herself, others fear her complete disappearance. That’s why he had to call out her name a while ago and bring her back.
“I’m right here, Miharu-chan,” Makoto whispers as he closes his eyes. He says these words as if Miharu has forgotten his existence beside her. She has forgotten, really, for she slowly continues to hide herself, distancing herself away, losing herself in her darkness.
“I know,” comes Miharu’s reply in between sobs. “I know that…”
For some unknown reason, Makoto starts to remember Nagisa and Rei’s concerns a few months back, about Miharu not wanting to learn proper strokes. It slipped his mind, in between the cracks of his thoughts of the future and their competitions. It intrigues him now as he opens his eyes and observes the children swimming. He can see Hayato floating in the middle of the pool, his friends swimming alongside him. The sight makes him feel nostalgic, his heart twisting.
“Do you want to learn the proper strokes?” Makoto unconsciously asks in a whisper. It’s so quiet that he’s convinced that Miharu didn’t hear him. That’s only until the girl finally puts her hands down and Makoto notices leftover tears glistening on her long eyelashes. She’s smiling at nothing, tired as her eyes focus on the ripples of the water.
Miharu shakes her head. “Thank you for the offer, Makoto-kun.”
Makoto smiles to himself, understanding. “All right.”
The day ends when Kisumi comes back and fetches Hayato, who has been waiting for him by the entrance with Makoto and Miharu. He takes Hayato’s hand in his and pats Miharu’s head as a ‘Thank you’ gesture before Makoto steps in, laughing awkwardly whilst saying good-bye to the Shigino brothers. When they’re gone, Makoto offers to walk Miharu home but she politely declines, reasoning out that Makoto must be tired so she’d rather have him get home as soon as possible.
“I’ll be fine on my own,” Miharu says with a smile before she bids him good-bye, walking off by herself. Makoto watches her leave with a sad smile on his face.
You keep saying that, Miharu-chan. But it still makes me worry…
The sun has only begun to set when Miharu gets home. Her parents are still at work so there’s only her nanny to greet, and the other helpers. She proceeds to her room lazily and when she gets inside, she promptly climbs up to the second bunk of her bed and buries her face in her pillow. Underneath it, she feels around for her phone and checks her mails as soon as she finds it. Haruka has left a message saying that he just got home two hours ago. Lying on her back, she holds her phone over her eyes to stare at the message.
At the Nanase residence, Haruka is up in his room, lying on his bed. He turns to the side to get his phone on the floor, hearing the device ringing. He checks the caller’s number and then answers the call, sitting up. “Hello?”
“Welcome home,” Miharu whispers on the other line.
“I’m home,” Haruka replies in a whisper as well. He waits for Miharu to speak again but when she doesn’t, he clears his throat. “What were you doing today?”
Miharu holds her phone close, holding her breath. “I went to visit Makoto-kun at the pool.”
“How was it?”
“Well, Kisumi-kun was there to visit Hayato-kun,” she starts. Of course she can’t see Haruka’s narrowed eyes, annoyed at the thought of Kisumi hanging around her. “But he left after Makoto-kun ate his lunch. Makoto-kun kept me company for the rest of my stay. I got dizzy at some point and Coach Sasabe had to make him rest so he could keep an eye on me. I felt really bad…”
Haruka lies back on the bed, staring at the ceiling. “You made Makoto worry again.”
“I’m sorry…”
Letting out a sigh, Haruka holds his free arm over his eyes. “Are you okay now?”
“I-I am.”
The tone in Miharu’s answer then doesn’t convince Haruka one bit, worse because of her stutter. With his vision closed off, he focuses on his hearing. He listens to her breathing, as if she’s right next to him. Even her so very quiet chuckle then makes him believe she’s only a touch away.
“I wish I was a kid again.” Haruka lifts his arm once more just as Miharu hums in thought. “If I was a kid again, I can enroll in Makoto-kun’s swimming classes. That would be really fun.”
For some reason, Haruka doesn’t understand Miharu’s words. Her voice is smiling but the sound of her words doesn’t match her tone. They seem so lonely; she does. Though she speaks in a tone of curiosity and wonder, her words mean so much more, like her cheerfulness is only a cover over what she truly wants to say. Haruka has learned that Miharu has a way of playing with words. Whether she’s aware of it or not, she actually has a habit of hiding words within the words she lets go and sometimes people understand, but oftentimes they don’t. Haruka is in the middle because he understands but he doesn’t say that he does. He wants Miharu to speak those hidden words to him; he doesn’t want to pull them out of her through questions. To him, that’s not communication at all.
“Haru?”
“Yeah…”
“I’ll let you rest.” Miharu curls into a ball. “I’m going to hang up now.”
Haruka looks at the space beside him. He stretches his free hand over it and rests it there, closing his eyes again. In that empty space, Miharu is curled right next to him. “All right.”
“I’ll talk to you soon.” Then she hangs up.
Haruka puts his phone away then lies on his side, facing the space where Miharu happens to be, in his darkness.
We can’t go back to being kids.
“We can’t go back to the times when everything was simple,” he whispers to the space beside him.
A few days before summer break ends, Rin shows up in front of Haruka’s house. He initially came over to tell him about how he finished preparations for when he moves to Australia after graduation. And they do talk about what’s going to happen after they go their separate ways; about Makoto and the others; about when they could probably meet up again; about Miharu.
“I’ve been meaning to tell you something, Haru.”
Haruka looks up from his cup of juice, at Rin across the table. The other boy is frowning, his brows meeting in the middle - the perfect image of his problematic childhood rival. And Haruka somehow feels like he knows what Rin is about to say but he won’t race him to it. Not now.
“Have you talked to Miharu lately?”
“Why do you need to know?”
Rin clenches his fists. “You need to know.”
“Know what?” Haruka retorts.
“Miharu…” Rin pauses as he shakes his head. “If you don’t talk to her, it’s going to be the same as that time.”
“She’s different, Rin. She’s not leaving.”
“How do you know?!” Rin bursts, slamming his hands on the table as he rises on his knees. “If she does, what will you do?!”
Haruka stays silent as he diverts his attention away.
“Haru, she’s-“
“I want her to tell me.”
Rin closes his mouth. Right before him, Haruka is the same - distant, unreachable, far away into the depths of his own existence. But there’s something different, something new. In front of him, Haruka looks like he’s waiting; he has stopped in that time to wait for someone; he’s completely slowing down his own pace purposely, just waiting for someone. Waiting. Rin suddenly, somehow, understands what his childhood rival is trying to say; that Haruka, much in contrast to how he would usually leave things as they are, is saying that he’ll stay there and wait until that person comes to him so that they’ll move on - together.
Together…
He can’t say for sure but Rin is certain about one thing: Haruka has finally made a decision and whenever he does, he will definitely see it through.
The following day, right after lunch, Haruka calls Miharu and tells her to come over.
“It’s a date,” he says simply. On the other line, Miharu’s face has become totally red.
When Miharu arrives, Haruka has changed into casual clothes and before she can say anything, he opens the umbrella in his hands and holds it up over the two of them.
“Um…”
“It’s okay,” Haruka says as they begin to go down the steps from his house. “You’re not supposed to be under the sun for too long.”
“Right…” Miharu mumbles. It’s not that she’s awkward; she’s nervous. She has been alone with Haruka on numerous occasions but to hear from the boy that they’re going on a date - their first date - simply gave her the butterflies.
As they take the usual way to the school, Miharu stares at the sea alongside the path. The waves are calm that day and the beach is empty. When she looks at Haruka beside her, she catches him staring out at the sea as well.
“Haru.” The two of them stop in front of the stairs to the beach. Haruka looks at Miharu then, the girl pointing at the sea. “Let’s stay there,” she says with a smile. It’s that smile - the very same one Haruka seems to have become very fond of.
“Okay.”
They remove their sneakers and socks and start treading upon warm sand toward the cool waters. They sit only a distance away from where the waves stop before they go back to the sea. Sitting under a dark blue umbrella, from the heavens, they must look like a lonely dot - a speck that indicates simply that they are there, at that exact moment.
“I can’t remember the last time I swam here,” Miharu begins quietly as she and Haruka watch the waves trying to reach them. “I remember getting sunburned once though.”
“I used to swim here whenever the pool was closed,” Haruka shares just as quietly as Miharu. “It was when I was a kid, and Makoto would laugh at me when I got too tanned.”
“Really? I wish I could’ve seen you tanned.”
“I wish I could’ve seen you sunburned.”
Miharu pouts to herself while Haruka looks to the side. The boats tied to the port in the distance are bobbing carefully to the currents. The ropes that secure their sails are wound loosely so that the sailcloth makes passing fluttering noises to the course of the wind. Haruka and Miharu are thinking the same thing - someday really soon, they would have to spend their days away from this beach, not hearing the waves or seeing the endlessness of both the sky and the sea. But what truly means a lot to them that they have to let go when the time comes is that moment; that summer day, the footprints they made on the sand, the silence that both of them understand, the end of ‘that’ yesterday when tomorrow arrives. They would have to let all those yesterdays go.
“I used to think that I’ll be a high school student forever,” Miharu says with a chuckle as she hugs her legs. “I know that I’d have to graduate someday but I didn’t know that it would be this hard to move on from it.”
“Spring isn’t here yet.”
“But it will come.” She takes in a deep breath and sighs it all out. “It’s definitely going to come and then it will be over, just like that. Spring is like that split second when you blink; that momentary darkness, with cherry blossoms.”
Haruka rests the base of the umbrella against his shoulder to add more support. His arm is getting tired and Miharu must have noticed because she straightens up and tries to take the handle away from him but he doesn’t let go, making Miharu, who can be really stubborn, rest her palm over his own so that the two of them can hold the umbrella together. It should have been an awkward moment and someone should have let go but no one does that and it doesn’t feel that way at all.
“Is that what you really think?”
“About spring?” Haruka nods. “I guess only about this spring,” she clarifies. “Don’t you think so?”
“Maybe.”
“Maybe…”
“Does it bother you?”
“Spring?”
Haruka shakes his head. “How it’s going to end.”
Miharu nods a little nod. “It does,” she admits, “it bothers me a great deal.”
Remembering all of his days at Iwatobi Town, with Makoto, Nagisa, Rei and Rin and all of the others, Haruka feels a weight appear over his heart. He recalls all those memories about Miharu as well, passively thinking how late into his life she decided to become a part of. He didn’t even know she would become a part of his life, much less become anything more than just a passing fragment of a memory. She has strayed so far from her place, reaching out to him and just staying there. That moment when Miharu first said she liked him - it’s funny how he remembers even the simplest details of that day, like the strawberry-flavored Pocky stick trapped in between her lips when she offered him one, or the smile that countered his and Makoto’s confused and stiff expressions. He remembers the first time he saw her; how he got a peek of her from behind Makoto and then the morning after when the three of them walked to their classroom, talking about how they study for tests. He remembers that afternoon when he and Miharu named the white kitten that strayed from behind his house and how she smiled at him afterwards. He remembers Miharu’s birthday and how he made her cry. Sometimes, he can still feel the kiss she left on his cheek that day, her soft lips that curve into the smile he unconsciously yearns for all the time now. Haruka remembers all of these moments not because they’re going to end after graduation; he remembers them because he doesn’t want them to end at all.
“I’m so sorry.”
Haruka feels the hand over his disappear. He looks at Miharu and observes how she has covered her face against her knees then.
“I keep running away.” Miharu inhales deeply, letting the air out in muffled, choked sobs. “I don’t know how to swim like you and the others. I swim because I want to get away from where I am. I don’t know the proper strokes and I don’t really think I want to learn them. If I do, I can’t help but think that, if I swim that way, I won’t be able to get away. I just want to clear my head and proper strokes don’t really help me with that. I told Rin before that, as long as I don’t drown, I’ll be okay.”
The words come in strange intervals. This is the third time Haruka has heard Miharu cry but the thought of not knowing how many times she has cried when he wasn’t there makes the pain in his chest hurt tenfold.
“Yamazaki-kun told me that I have to stop pushing the people who care about me away because once I stop running, they’ll be the ones to welcome me back. I’ve been trying really hard to figure things out by myself because I don’t want to rely on anyone so much. I’m scared that, if I do, I might start depending on them too much and that might drive them away and if they do disappear, then I might just break down without them. Learning proper strokes is like that, to me. Perhaps it’s because you and the others are swimmers but learning seems such a big deal and I can’t help but feel that I’m disappointing you all.” She looks up, her knuckles rubbing at her eyes. “I don’t like thinking when I swim. Once I swim and I start to think, I drown. I don’t want to rely on proper strokes to keep me alive; I want to learn how to live with my own thoughts, with my own style.”
Everything is finally coming to light. This is what Haruka has been waiting for.
“I hate it. I hate how I’m like this because I keep making others worry. That’s why I want to learn how to rely only on myself - so that I won’t worry others and be a bother to them. I don’t understand how I run away so far and yet there are still people who wait for me even when I’ve been so selfish. I don’t know how to go back after that. I don’t want to be left behind either. I just want to-“
The umbrella flies away to the dancing wind yet the sunlight doesn’t burn Miharu’s skin at all. Haruka has her in his arms, his body completely covering her own. She suddenly becomes so small, so delicate and, always, fitting so perfectly in his embrace, where he selfishly wants her to stay.
“I want to stay with you, Haru!”
Finally…
Haruka holds Miharu closer, tighter so that not even the waves or the breeze can take her away from him. He wants her close as can be. If she’s there, that moment will never end.
“You don’t have to swim properly. You don’t have to worry about people waiting for you to come back. They stay because they want to. Just swim like how you used to. Swim for yourself. Be as free as you want,” Haruka whispers his honesty against the crown of Miharu’s head. It’s his turn to say everything he has been waiting to say. “I’m right here. I won’t go away.”
More tears stain his shirt. The patch on his chest is so warm that he swears it almost burns a hole right into his heart. But that doesn’t matter because Haruka has been convinced that Miharu belongs in that precious space, since that autumn day and for many summers to come.
“We don’t have to let this moment to end,” Haruka whispers as he cups Miharu’s cheeks now, resting his forehead against hers. He is beginning to think that her crying face can be as cute as her smiling one and it surprises him a little, this sudden yet lingering thought of wanting to catch all of Miharu’s tears in a jar and keeping it for himself, just like her smile. “I don’t want it to end, Miharu.”
The sun has begun to set. It’s unfair, time is, but both Haruka and Miharu know that. They know that so well that they will stop racing against it and just let it be. That moment is all that matters to them, and they will let it continue for as long as they can.
<<< Part 2