another update
basically my life right now, dating for distractions, wanting to avoid a relationship, and a dating/ sexual experience if possible, trying to not get mistaken like i have on one date for messing around and what not, and bel ess nieve when asked to " just sleep" men arent safe, and arent trust worty even if they are more easily able to get along with. attempting to only hang out with women this mnth , and a coupel peoplei am basically okay, or comfertable with. trying to get over certain hang ups i have, and move to my now new expectations, adn ideas of a guy, after 21 years of living i finally have expectations, of what i want and have been conviced i deserve.
wanting to avoid added stresses as i reach my 60 hr a week work limit, and try to find anohter job so i might maintain 60-80 as i loose hours at the mall job. missing certain people am clsoe to yet trying to be a friend when i can ( at work and slowly else where ) for others who seem to need a friend, ( Am a sucker for that yet am catious abou it now) i cant afford to have anyone person or mulitiple peopl take up my time and i not evenly distribute it despite that some peopel are less stress and calmiing help me deal with myself ina better way then others. miss my best friend who turned out not to be so good of a friend despite his nice guy aires. and some how seem to avoid things i am not readfy to deal with but slowly get myself able to deal with them. am finding out that some one i care about and have grown fond to has a illness that may take them away from me one day and trying tocope with that as well as family issuesmoved into a home where i am now a role model for a 6 year old and will at some opoint be a role model for a new baby. no ac( barely everon) at teh place and sleeping on a hard wood floor, made the mistatke of drinking anmd my ex almost tried to make out with me and i wanted to get back at him by turning him on and laving, but i didnt i was good adn aware, now he is kinda against seing if he can borrow a truck so i can get my matress out of the garage adn not sleep on the floor, ( i just gave him two hugs the second he attempted on teh second)
okay thats my update sadly not a very good one, am becomming hard adn into a mental state that i hope is more focused. wether or not i actually go on another date past the banker , or tom is something i am not really thinking about now. we'll see.
lost in the midst of uncontrolled chaos
wanting to avoid added stresses as i reach my 60 hr a week work limit, and try to find anohter job so i might maintain 60-80 as i loose hours at the mall job. missing certain people am clsoe to yet trying to be a friend when i can ( at work and slowly else where ) for others who seem to need a friend, ( Am a sucker for that yet am catious abou it now) i cant afford to have anyone person or mulitiple peopl take up my time and i not evenly distribute it despite that some peopel are less stress and calmiing help me deal with myself ina better way then others. miss my best friend who turned out not to be so good of a friend despite his nice guy aires. and some how seem to avoid things i am not readfy to deal with but slowly get myself able to deal with them. am finding out that some one i care about and have grown fond to has a illness that may take them away from me one day and trying tocope with that as well as family issuesmoved into a home where i am now a role model for a 6 year old and will at some opoint be a role model for a new baby. no ac( barely everon) at teh place and sleeping on a hard wood floor, made the mistatke of drinking anmd my ex almost tried to make out with me and i wanted to get back at him by turning him on and laving, but i didnt i was good adn aware, now he is kinda against seing if he can borrow a truck so i can get my matress out of the garage adn not sleep on the floor, ( i just gave him two hugs the second he attempted on teh second)
okay thats my update sadly not a very good one, am becomming hard adn into a mental state that i hope is more focused. wether or not i actually go on another date past the banker , or tom is something i am not really thinking about now. we'll see.
lost in the midst of uncontrolled chaos