I will miss you on live journal and your random posts. Keep this alive baby!
You are right though about your feelings. I know this is hard on you and Malik, Laura, and I should not bring you into this. My therapist and you both said to me the same thing: you have to take care of yourself. I find this to be true.
Gabby, I found your comments in Emma's thread in regards to me disheartening. Of course it is unfair of me to say these things, however the problem is - you were not here to witness everything. You can't pass judgement until you hear the whole story. Hell, I thought I knew the whole story, but apparently I did not. However, I did find your other entry, your personal story, very thought provoking.
I am looking at your response to AJ. He and Malik were the only people there for me. Emma had everyone else. What Emma doesn't realize is that it is very difficult for us to process this, even more so for AJ. Also, Emma is having a lot of difficulty understanding how many people were affected by this. We are not being ignorant, we know she is in pain as well. However, she held back A LOT of information and a lot of us feel very manipulated. Of course, I do understand that you don't think so, however - you would understand the situation a whole lot better had you been here. I hope my entry doesn't come off as rude. Malik is not trying to do anything, he actually cares quite a bit about her and we have both been to Tammy, as well as Laura to make sure Emma is ok. we do care, however, we also have to move on - and for the record, she has broken contact a lot of times. Sorry to be so blunt, but you have to hear the whole story before passing judgement. I am not trying to write in a hasty or threatening manner, i'm trying to be as friendly as possible. Just thought you should know.
She has read the reports as well.emmaliahMarch 4 2005, 11:18:06 UTC
Gabi has read Tammy's and res life's reports as well as heard the story. I never lied to anyone and I don't think that it is right that you keep bringing up "information" that I witheld when you are not even going to tell me what it means. I admit that I made the mistake of getting angry over what another person said to me, I believe this person to be playing on both sides but not in a good way, but I did not see that until now. It is very hard to get the truth without being able to talk about it. What I would really like to know is: what did I lie about?? I do realize how many people I have affected, but it really does go both ways. I have apologized as much as possible, I still feel guilty for what happened, but at the same time, I too need to take care of myself and realize that I was very ill during that week and it is obvious because people who are not ill, do not want to die - I did. According to Tammy, we have the same story so I really want to be let in on what I did wrong. To be perfectly honest, I would really like to set up meeting times between us and her so that this can be straightened out, because I hate to carry hate as I'm sure most everyone else does. This does not mean we are going to like each other, but what it does mean is that their could be some clarity. That would work both ways - if I am doing something wrong or I lied and Tammy wants to say that to me, then good I should be informed, if one of you guys got the wrong impression, then good, this ends and we can all go on our own little paths. I have not been there to hear first hand, to explain anything, or to ask questions so I feel that in order for us all to move on, there needs to be some real closure, and closure means getting the answers, and everyone hearing the same story because I feel that this has gotten completly out of hand and I want it to end just as everyone else does. I know that I had part in this becoming out of hand, and I think that some of you did as well, so let's get it under control so we can all move on.
I will miss you on live journal and your random posts. Keep this alive baby!
You are right though about your feelings. I know this is hard on you and Malik, Laura, and I should not bring you into this. My therapist and you both said to me the same thing: you have to take care of yourself. I find this to be true.
Gabby, I found your comments in Emma's thread in regards to me disheartening. Of course it is unfair of me to say these things, however the problem is - you were not here to witness everything. You can't pass judgement until you hear the whole story. Hell, I thought I knew the whole story, but apparently I did not. However, I did find your other entry, your personal story, very thought provoking.
I am looking at your response to AJ. He and Malik were the only people there for me. Emma had everyone else. What Emma doesn't realize is that it is very difficult for us to process this, even more so for AJ. Also, Emma is having a lot of difficulty understanding how many people were affected by this. We are not being ignorant, we know she is in pain as well. However, she held back A LOT of information and a lot of us feel very manipulated. Of course, I do understand that you don't think so, however - you would understand the situation a whole lot better had you been here. I hope my entry doesn't come off as rude. Malik is not trying to do anything, he actually cares quite a bit about her and we have both been to Tammy, as well as Laura to make sure Emma is ok. we do care, however, we also have to move on - and for the record, she has broken contact a lot of times. Sorry to be so blunt, but you have to hear the whole story before passing judgement. I am not trying to write in a hasty or threatening manner, i'm trying to be as friendly as possible. Just thought you should know.
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To be perfectly honest, I would really like to set up meeting times between us and her so that this can be straightened out, because I hate to carry hate as I'm sure most everyone else does. This does not mean we are going to like each other, but what it does mean is that their could be some clarity. That would work both ways - if I am doing something wrong or I lied and Tammy wants to say that to me, then good I should be informed, if one of you guys got the wrong impression, then good, this ends and we can all go on our own little paths. I have not been there to hear first hand, to explain anything, or to ask questions so I feel that in order for us all to move on, there needs to be some real closure, and closure means getting the answers, and everyone hearing the same story because I feel that this has gotten completly out of hand and I want it to end just as everyone else does. I know that I had part in this becoming out of hand, and I think that some of you did as well, so let's get it under control so we can all move on.
I say this out of respect to all of us.
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