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I haven't written since last week, this I am aware of. I have a lot to say, I just don't know how to verbalize any of it. I don't feel well. Not the usual tiredness, I actually feel even worse than usual, if that's at all possible. Apparently I'm still not sick enough for a doctor, even when I passed out. It's just me being dramatic, no big. It could be something inane, or it could be a cyst like Sara had. I guess we'll know if I plotz on the floor one day.
I opened a huge can of worms yesterday, and now I'm really angry with myself. I keep trying to tell myself the whole thing is creepy and weird. It's not even legal. I mean god knows it wasn't back then, but the whole thing is twice as weird now, now that I know better. It kind of makes me feel good though, knowing that I'm up to more mature standards. Or am I still immature and it's based on desperation? No one would ever think anything more of me than something that's just there when no one else is around. I'm confused, very confused. I figured out a solution though. This is what I get for trying to be nice.
I played my solos in band today. I didn't notice the key change, so a note sounded out of place but I fixed it. I took a new reed so every time I played a middle B, it sounded very guttural. I always think that Zack and Drew think I'm bad. I don't care about anyone else for some reason. I guess I'm good enough though because I don't have to take the midterm.
I'm so tired. So very tired. I just want to sleep forever.
I opened a huge can of worms yesterday, and now I'm really angry with myself. I keep trying to tell myself the whole thing is creepy and weird. It's not even legal. I mean god knows it wasn't back then, but the whole thing is twice as weird now, now that I know better. It kind of makes me feel good though, knowing that I'm up to more mature standards. Or am I still immature and it's based on desperation? No one would ever think anything more of me than something that's just there when no one else is around. I'm confused, very confused. I figured out a solution though. This is what I get for trying to be nice.
I played my solos in band today. I didn't notice the key change, so a note sounded out of place but I fixed it. I took a new reed so every time I played a middle B, it sounded very guttural. I always think that Zack and Drew think I'm bad. I don't care about anyone else for some reason. I guess I'm good enough though because I don't have to take the midterm.
I'm so tired. So very tired. I just want to sleep forever.