Eulogy for Glenna Odle

Aug 04, 2007 11:53



I would just like to say with God as my witness that Glenna Odle is taking an express elevator directly to Heaven. And I bet there are all kinds of different levels in Heaven so she’s probably in the highest level. Glenna spent her whole life in a wheelchair yet she always remained at peace with the world. She never had a cruel thought in her heart. She never had a cruel thing to say. And she never did anything mean to anyone. I don’t think too many people on the face of the earth can claim that. I know I’ll be in a long line waiting for St. Peter to go over ever detail, checking my passport three times and running me through years of red tape and I better have a good lawyer. I suppose I’ll choose Glenna as my lawyer. Let me explain.

First off if you want to get into the Kingdom of Heaven you have to be like a child. In Luke 18:17 it says, “So, let even the little children come to me, and don’t hold them back. For the kingdom of God belongs to hearts so trusting; for without a childlike faith you will never enter the kingdom.” Everyone knows children are smarter than adults. Who wants to grow up anyway? You have to get a job, you have to do responsible things eight hours a day and no one really likes to work. Glenna didn’t have to work or do anything responsible. Is it not the saddest thing in life to have to get up in the morning and go to work? Is it not the happiest time in our life when we get to retire? What does it matter? In the end we all go to the same place anyway. As it says in Ecclesiastes, “Thus I considered all my activities which my hands had done and the labor which I had exerted, and behold all was vanity and striving after the wind and there was no profit under the sun.”

The funny thing about Glenna was her two favorite things to say. When you asked her anything she knew exactly what you were talking about and would say, “I know” or “I don’t know”. This always reminded me of the philosopher Socrates who said, “I know what I know and I know what I don’t know. I also know that I know nothing and that’s what makes me the wisest man in Athens.” So being smart or clever is not a big deal at all in the eyes of God.

Glenna didn’t talk much and that’s ok too. She probably didn’t have a giant vocabulary like some arrogant professor from a university. The Tao te Ching says, “Words do not define reality” and “Those who know don’t talk and those who talk don’t know.” The wisest people say very few words and that somehow makes perfect sense. Plus who here likes to listen to a long winded story anyway? There’s nothing more painful than listening to someone babble on and on about nothing while at the same time acting like they know everything.

And since we’re on the subject, any psychologist will state that a sense of humor is clear proof of intelligence. And trust me Glenna knew how to laugh. We used to have to try not to tell a joke or make a fart sound while she was eating because there was an actual risk involved. She could get so choked up we would have to do a Heimlich maneuver just to get the food lodged out. That is serous laughter and we all knew it was coming just at the right time, in the right place and it spread all across the room.

One year for Christmas Julie bought Glenna a small toy fart machine and we all laughed for hours. And let me just state for the record as a professional comedian. There is nothing funnier than the fart sound. There’s also nothing funnier when someone else is in a little pain. Not a lot of pain. Just enough to make them jump. Glenna was good at that too. She would reach over and pinch you just to see you squirm and she’d get the biggest kick out of that. We would pinch her back and she’d punch us in the arm. The laughter would start and the fart machine would go off and her face would get red with laughter and mom would yell at us kids to leave Glenna alone. It was just constant laughter and chaos with Glenna. It was non stop jokes and no time to be serious.

The only time Glenna was serious was when it came time to opening presents at Christmas. And Glenna got a serious load of presents. She always got more than all the kids combined. That’s why it took so long. Anyone who saw that kind of loot would just roll their eyes. I can see the expression on her face now, “This is too much work. Just point out which one has the fart machine and let me get my hands on it.”

So in closing let me get back to my original point. In my life, with my ability to walk, my so called intelligence, my sharp tongue and my endless consumption of alcohol have gotten me in all kinds of trouble. I am a miserable worthless sinner with almost no chance of redemption. That’s why I’ll have to call Glenna as my defense council.

St. Peter will say James did this and James did that.

Glenna will say, “I know”

St. Peter will say, “How many times did he pinch you? How many times did he stick his tongue out at you? He’s walking around like he owns everything. I can’t let this guy just barge right into heaven.”

Glenna will nod her head again and say, “I know”.

“Did James do anything thing at all on earth that is of any importance?”

Glenna will say, “I don’t know.” But then she’ll press the button on the fart machine and St. Peter will burst out laughing. The whole host of heaven will be laughing too with all the angels and prophets and this will be enough distraction so I can walk right in while no one’s looking.

Thank you Glenna. Thank you for all your smiles and laughter. Thank you for all your pinches and punches. Thank you for your fart sounds. Thank you for being the smartest most wisest person I know and teaching me what really matters in this world. We will all truly miss you Glenna. Everyone at the Johnson County Nursing Home will miss you. Everyone in our family will miss you. The whole world will miss you. We love you so much Glenna. God is taking you home now and Mr. Elvis Aaron Presley is there too!
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