My Five Point Plan To Save Humanity
The world is filled with retards and we’re all heading toward the apocalypse with a go-cart riding drunken Shriner at the controls. I don’t know when all this started but somebody has to be pulling the strings and whoever it is has got to be one blind ass mutated half-human depraved lunatic.
First off those demonic midget wannabe martyr Palestinians need to fucking go out into the desert or wherever they came from to blow themselves up. That’s the first thing you learn as a child on the Fourth of July. GO OUT IN THE YARD IF YOU’RE GOING TO SET THAT OFF!!! You see, dad wants you to have fun because it’s the Fourth of July but he doesn’t want to have to deal with cherry bombs going off in the house. Jerusalem is Gods house and God is Dad for every Christian, Jew and Muslim but he’s tired of listening to the crap and I bet he doesn’t really care how many of these worthless fucks explode. Just go out to one of your dried up creek beds to do it!
Second. The Jews need to stop stealing land from the Palestinians and send their bulldozers to the Reichland. If there’s anyone they need to be pissed at it should be the Germans. After WWII the United Nations should have given the Jews carte blanche to fuck with any German, anywhere, anytime, with no warning, out of the blue, just free rein to beat men, women and children in the head at all hours of the day till they get their six million eye for an eye pay back. You see there’s a little psychological thing called displacement. That’s when you’re pissed at someone but you can’t get him or her back so you take it out on somebody else. The Jews are still pissed at Germany and they’re taking it out on their little retard brothers the Palestinians.
Next on the list is our chigger bite covered hillbilly President George Bush. For the love of God please step down and let someone with a fucking brain run things. It’s like watching my dad on the computer. He doesn’t know anything and he’s clicking buttons that could fuck everything up. You just want to scream at his head, “GET OUT OF THE WAY AND LET ME DO IT!! GODDAM YOU ALMOST DELETED YOUR ENTIRE HARD DRIVE!!” How George Bush ever graduated from Yale is beyond my comprehension. When he looks into the camera with that idiot smirk he reminds me of a cross-eyed divorced-suicidal-State Farm Insurance-salesman. Just get out of the way and let Cheney work the pump. You’re going to get gas all over yourself and set the entire station on fire.
This is not in any order of importance but fourth on the list is Saudi Arabia. Fifteen of the nineteen hijackers came straight out of this God forsaken sand hole and they better start kissing some serious American ass. We had their backs during the Gulf War and they send suicide bombers? We build a state of the art air base on their Martian landscape and we get 86'd because Allah says we're whitetrash? We send experts over to show them how to pump petroleum jelly out of the ground so they can sodomize their goats and they disrespect? Better send out some props to your homies Fahd or it’s going to be Disneyland, McDonalds, Hooters and Wal-Mart on every corner with HBO pumping gay snuff porn and Bill Gates subletting your entire country.
Last but not least, Colin Powel needs to either join a minstrel show or commit hari-kari on the dance floor of the UN for taking the American people on a weapons of mass destruction snipe hunt. Saddam said he didn’t have any, the UN inspection team said they didn't exist, the world news has a camera pointed in every direction and we have troops in the bath houses of Baghdad to the pig farms in Tikrit on random cavity search detail and still not one infected snot rag or x-ray tube stuffed with Pop Rocks. Nothing! Nada! Zilch! We’ve turned the entire country upside down and looked under every nook and cranny, inside every camels ass, every gyro, burnt tire, soccer ball, Sumerian lampshade and still nothing? Either Saddam is playing one hell of a slight of hand trick with these factory second mustard gas containers or we just had the wool pulled over our eyes by Massah Bush and Uncle Colin Tom’s tap dancing step and fetch the crude oil routine.
And here's point six of my five point plan. The world needs to sit back with a beer and peace the fuck out or it’s going to be Four Horses trampling on humanity’s head while the Rodeo Clowns are stuck knee deep in Beast shit. We’ll all sit bug eyed glued to the Apocalypse Live on CNN watching some kind of freakish Gunsmoke episode written by Wes Craven in collaboration with David Lynch brought to you by Satan, Mobil Oil, Exxon and Unocal.