How soon is now?
Ok. I'm a generally happy person. I rarely get really upset over stuff. Usually when something bothers me it's pretty serious. Like if i have a crush on someone i can't be with. but more on that later.
Now, while i'm a happy person, and make jokes all the time, i do have a serious side. I can listen to people when they need someone to rant to. Or just a shoulder to cry on. Really.
But what i can't take is if it happens every night from the same person. Something recently like this happened. It took me a while to deal with it(and it wasn't really even me until our "moderator" of sorts told us to deal with it). Don't worry, it's no one you guys know.
So now that that's dealt with(...i'm so vague). Back to the crush thing.
So i've told a lot of people i know that i'm bi. Finally, slowly but surely coming out. Telling people that I like men more(while it's true). But what most people don't think about when people are bi is how much it can worsen your chances as it can better them. I.e falling for a gay guy or straight girl. I've fallen for a gay guy. Now a straight girl. No one you guys know.
It...hurts more. Because it's more acceptable for a girl to fall for a gay guy. Even though she can't be with him, it's ok because at least she's straight. But if a girl falls for a straight girl, it gets even more awkward. Not just between the girl and the straight girl, but between the girl and the straight girl's friends. At least i think so. I could be totally imagining things. As I always do.
Every time i see her, think about her, talk to her, i get happy, excited, and sad at the same time. It's very bittersweet.
But here's the thing. When i fell for that gay guy a few years ago, and i told him, he treated me like complete shit. Lying to me. Claiming i was stalking him if i said "hello" to him in the hallway. What the fuck.
I'm afraid that if i tell her, she'll treat me the same way. I don't want that. Not again. I can't end up hating everyone i fall for in life, can i? Men or women. Not everyone is that cruel. Are they? Will i end up hating everyone i fall for and if it doesn't work out? I don't want to be bitter when i get old. I don't want to hate. I don't. As cliche as it sounds, and i don't give a fuck if it does, i'll just be numb with anger. I want to feel again. That time i fell for the gay guy made me numb afterwards. I'm just beginning to feel again. Please. I can't lose that again.
Now, while i'm a happy person, and make jokes all the time, i do have a serious side. I can listen to people when they need someone to rant to. Or just a shoulder to cry on. Really.
But what i can't take is if it happens every night from the same person. Something recently like this happened. It took me a while to deal with it(and it wasn't really even me until our "moderator" of sorts told us to deal with it). Don't worry, it's no one you guys know.
So now that that's dealt with(...i'm so vague). Back to the crush thing.
So i've told a lot of people i know that i'm bi. Finally, slowly but surely coming out. Telling people that I like men more(while it's true). But what most people don't think about when people are bi is how much it can worsen your chances as it can better them. I.e falling for a gay guy or straight girl. I've fallen for a gay guy. Now a straight girl. No one you guys know.
It...hurts more. Because it's more acceptable for a girl to fall for a gay guy. Even though she can't be with him, it's ok because at least she's straight. But if a girl falls for a straight girl, it gets even more awkward. Not just between the girl and the straight girl, but between the girl and the straight girl's friends. At least i think so. I could be totally imagining things. As I always do.
Every time i see her, think about her, talk to her, i get happy, excited, and sad at the same time. It's very bittersweet.
But here's the thing. When i fell for that gay guy a few years ago, and i told him, he treated me like complete shit. Lying to me. Claiming i was stalking him if i said "hello" to him in the hallway. What the fuck.
I'm afraid that if i tell her, she'll treat me the same way. I don't want that. Not again. I can't end up hating everyone i fall for in life, can i? Men or women. Not everyone is that cruel. Are they? Will i end up hating everyone i fall for and if it doesn't work out? I don't want to be bitter when i get old. I don't want to hate. I don't. As cliche as it sounds, and i don't give a fuck if it does, i'll just be numb with anger. I want to feel again. That time i fell for the gay guy made me numb afterwards. I'm just beginning to feel again. Please. I can't lose that again.