Changes and dreams
Still working on the change thing. But for now, I want to write about a dream.
Mom is much younger, and Dad is away on a business trip. We're standing at the open window of my bedroom at home, and there he is, back early. I kiss him on the cheek twice. I feel the roughness of his face, because he hasn't shaved recently.
Just when I think I've gotten over it and everything's okay, it comes back. It's usually a memory or a dream. If I allow myself to forget him long enough, I'm reminded like this.
For about a year after Dad died, I secretly wanted to die too. The whole frame of reference for your life just goes away, and the world doesn't make sense anymore. It slowly starts to make sense again, but you're forced to make sense of it on your own terms. That's why I have to fight so hard and do things on my own terms. If I don't, then I'll just stop and not do anything. I have to build my own life now, no matter hard it is. I have to fight against the people who try to tell me this is what my life should be about, because there was only one man on this earth who had the right to do that.
If I had just five more minutes whit him, I'd tell him again and again how much I love him, how much I admire him. I miss him so much.
Mom is much younger, and Dad is away on a business trip. We're standing at the open window of my bedroom at home, and there he is, back early. I kiss him on the cheek twice. I feel the roughness of his face, because he hasn't shaved recently.
Just when I think I've gotten over it and everything's okay, it comes back. It's usually a memory or a dream. If I allow myself to forget him long enough, I'm reminded like this.
For about a year after Dad died, I secretly wanted to die too. The whole frame of reference for your life just goes away, and the world doesn't make sense anymore. It slowly starts to make sense again, but you're forced to make sense of it on your own terms. That's why I have to fight so hard and do things on my own terms. If I don't, then I'll just stop and not do anything. I have to build my own life now, no matter hard it is. I have to fight against the people who try to tell me this is what my life should be about, because there was only one man on this earth who had the right to do that.
If I had just five more minutes whit him, I'd tell him again and again how much I love him, how much I admire him. I miss him so much.