promoting false niceness.
the thing that sucks about an unrequieted love is the fact that you never got to have them. What sucks even more than that is the fact that you can't stop thinking about them in the randomest of times. And the fact that it's been a long time since I fell, sucks even more then the last two sucky parts.
I had a dream that I was at school (can you tell I can't stop thinking about it lol) and I was seeing a bunch of people that I used to be friends with for like half a year. You know those people that you meet and just want to hang out with,but then the people who linked you to that crowd kind of disappear from your life, and you just accept the fact that you aren't gonna really hang out with them and all that shit. ANYWAYS...
in my dream I was looking for my class and then I ran into one of the guys that I used to talk to, Mark, and I was climbing stairs, that looked like the stairs you would find in Keira Knightley's house in Atonement (just to give you a visual) and then Mark grabbed me and started hugging me and carried me up the stairs, which was odd lol. And then I saw a bunch of other people except for the one person that I wanted to see. But instead of asking where he went I ignored the fact so completely. And then so did everyone else. Like they went out of their way not to mention his name or anything about him. And I went around so confused as to why they couldn't mention him, why I couldn't see him, where was he?
Then I asked them where he was, and they got stone face and wouldn't answer me. then I got scared because all the guys formed a circle around me and wouldn't let me get past. So I started sreaming, "WHY WON'T YOU TELL ME WHERE HE IS?" and then one of them said, "because it's too late."
then I woke up.
I HATE IT WHEN THAT HAPPENS.
oh, wait, it's not over.
to make things worse, the next night, I had a dream, and the boy was in it. I can't even remember what he said, or what I said, or anything really. but I know that it was okay.
but this could all be very cathartic. Like my subconcious is telling me it's time. you can start moving on. I hope that's what it means lol.
but I know me, and it took me like 3 years to get over my first boyfriend/love. And I never ever ever ever thought that I would get over it. But I did.
I'm hoping this will end soon. Like permanently end. Never talk, see, think of him again. Because besides the me being in deep like with him, he was a horrible friend.
I have to stop falling for the assholes.
smile pretty.