"we didn't use the word 'love' very much did we?"
Do you ever watch movies from years ago and you finally figure out why you liked them so much, or related to the character so much? Well I figured it out.
Tonight, well actually, right now, I am watching "My Best Friends Wedding". I've watched it a million and 17 times and I always loved it. I haven't seen it in years. And I'm talking a good 6 or 7 years. And I figured out why I felt like I was Julianne.
Not because her name in the movie is so close to my name. Or that her name is real life IS my name. No, it has to do with the love thing.
I am her. I am that girl who will pull away if you hug her in public. I am that girl who will realize that she loves you, but never says it. I am the girl who beats around the bush, and when it comes time to tell the truth, I lie about something extravagant.
There is this one scene where her and Michael are on the boat, and he is talking about, "If you love someone, just say it. or else the moment just,.." "passes you by". And then it comes for the time for her to just say, "Michael I love you. I've loved you, and pick me." But she doesn't. The boat goes under the bridge and into the shade and then back into the sun and the moment is gone. And she could have taken it. He wanted her to take it. But she didn't.
That is me. Completely and utterly me.
the moment has been there for me so many times. Ohmygod, so many times. I could have said, "this is stupid, I hate this game, I love you, do something about it." or "Hey. so. um. Let's just fucking do something about this chemistry that we obviously have." But no. I can't do it. It's completely against my nature to tell someone how I feel. It's so stupid and childish. But even now. thinking about telling someone (no one in practicular) my feelings, makes my hands heavy, my fingers shake, my heart beats in my throat. I cannot bite the bullet.
That's why I am Julianne. I am the girl who is goign to sit back and probably end up watching that person who she thinks she should be with marry someone else because I pushed them away.
I just always let those moments pass me by and then spend years dwelling on them.
Like right now. and now.
and now.
Tonight, well actually, right now, I am watching "My Best Friends Wedding". I've watched it a million and 17 times and I always loved it. I haven't seen it in years. And I'm talking a good 6 or 7 years. And I figured out why I felt like I was Julianne.
Not because her name in the movie is so close to my name. Or that her name is real life IS my name. No, it has to do with the love thing.
I am her. I am that girl who will pull away if you hug her in public. I am that girl who will realize that she loves you, but never says it. I am the girl who beats around the bush, and when it comes time to tell the truth, I lie about something extravagant.
There is this one scene where her and Michael are on the boat, and he is talking about, "If you love someone, just say it. or else the moment just,.." "passes you by". And then it comes for the time for her to just say, "Michael I love you. I've loved you, and pick me." But she doesn't. The boat goes under the bridge and into the shade and then back into the sun and the moment is gone. And she could have taken it. He wanted her to take it. But she didn't.
That is me. Completely and utterly me.
the moment has been there for me so many times. Ohmygod, so many times. I could have said, "this is stupid, I hate this game, I love you, do something about it." or "Hey. so. um. Let's just fucking do something about this chemistry that we obviously have." But no. I can't do it. It's completely against my nature to tell someone how I feel. It's so stupid and childish. But even now. thinking about telling someone (no one in practicular) my feelings, makes my hands heavy, my fingers shake, my heart beats in my throat. I cannot bite the bullet.
That's why I am Julianne. I am the girl who is goign to sit back and probably end up watching that person who she thinks she should be with marry someone else because I pushed them away.
I just always let those moments pass me by and then spend years dwelling on them.
Like right now. and now.
and now.