when your life's not working. you burn it down.
so I'm not depressed right now, I am just very lethargic towards everything. Like trying to complete journal entries, actually takes a lot out of me. Like seriosuly, right now, my rms feel sssuuuuppppeeerrr heavy ad my head just wants a pillow. Everytime I try and do something that may be worthwhile, my body is like, "nahhhh fuck it"
so last night I went out with a bunch of people. We went to cheaters, this dessert restaurant. They also, sometimes have killer nachos.
This group that I went out with, is not really my group of friends. Fonzi, who is one of my core friend group was there. So was her boyfriend Vinny, who is a really good guy, his friend Julian, funny, Natasha who I went to college with, Ashley, college too. Like I am keep naming people, but I won't because it is boring for people who are like, "who the fuck are they, I need a mental picture"
anyways, in that group I always felt odd one out. Like always included but never really adrift to what was going on with all of them. I know that most of them like me, maybe they all do lol, but it's just I never felt like I was part of the gang completely.
Last night we went out for this girl Sam's birthday. And then towards the end of the evening her friend pulled out a birthday card, that everyone signed. everyone but me. they even made up a story about how someone had a flat tire to get people to go and sign the card. I am pretty positive that it wasn't intentional, but still, it was like.. way to make me feel part of this circle.
But I find with me, it's always like that. Like I'm the person that if I'm not at the party, or not at the dinner, then people don't really seem to notice. But if one day I do get asked to go to the party or the dinner, people are like, "JULIA! ahh so happy to see you!" and then I kind of get brushed aside.
I'm the person who isn't really missed if they aren't there.
It's always been like that though. It really has. Even some of my best friends in high school would go to a party and not tell me or anything and then on the monday be all, "ohh why weren't you there?" "oh I just remembered that I didn't see you." it's like... thanks guys. I feel like I mean a lot to you...
ugh. this is a down putting entry. whatever. It's my journal, and I said before that I am going to talk about things that may make people uncomfortable. but fuck it. I'm too apathetic to care.
smile pretty.
so last night I went out with a bunch of people. We went to cheaters, this dessert restaurant. They also, sometimes have killer nachos.
This group that I went out with, is not really my group of friends. Fonzi, who is one of my core friend group was there. So was her boyfriend Vinny, who is a really good guy, his friend Julian, funny, Natasha who I went to college with, Ashley, college too. Like I am keep naming people, but I won't because it is boring for people who are like, "who the fuck are they, I need a mental picture"
anyways, in that group I always felt odd one out. Like always included but never really adrift to what was going on with all of them. I know that most of them like me, maybe they all do lol, but it's just I never felt like I was part of the gang completely.
Last night we went out for this girl Sam's birthday. And then towards the end of the evening her friend pulled out a birthday card, that everyone signed. everyone but me. they even made up a story about how someone had a flat tire to get people to go and sign the card. I am pretty positive that it wasn't intentional, but still, it was like.. way to make me feel part of this circle.
But I find with me, it's always like that. Like I'm the person that if I'm not at the party, or not at the dinner, then people don't really seem to notice. But if one day I do get asked to go to the party or the dinner, people are like, "JULIA! ahh so happy to see you!" and then I kind of get brushed aside.
I'm the person who isn't really missed if they aren't there.
It's always been like that though. It really has. Even some of my best friends in high school would go to a party and not tell me or anything and then on the monday be all, "ohh why weren't you there?" "oh I just remembered that I didn't see you." it's like... thanks guys. I feel like I mean a lot to you...
ugh. this is a down putting entry. whatever. It's my journal, and I said before that I am going to talk about things that may make people uncomfortable. but fuck it. I'm too apathetic to care.
smile pretty.