I think I love you, so what am I so afraid of?
I got lost, and I forgot how much I loved LiveJournal.
Well, things are much different than they were about 3 months ago...geeze. Dominic and I are done, Ryan and I are together. Thats going wonderfully, and I'm truely happy. Well, I'm happy about the relationship, but there are some things in my life that I just feel like...I don't know, maybe they are missing. Some things just feel a little empty, and I'm in the process of digging deep inside myself to find them.
My relationship with God is defintiely struggling right about now. I mean, it's not that I believe less, or that my faith has even decreased. I just feel like I'm only coming to God when things are really bad. I feel like God is just this HUGE higher power that always has been and always will be better than me, and there's no sense in going to him about small, earthly matters. But that is exactly opposite of how it should be. I should be able to just fall, crumble at His feet and weep. I should be able to spill everything that is bothering me, whether it be something as huge as someone dying, or as small as singing a wrong note in my voice testing. And I just feel distant. And it is by no means God's fault. It's all my fault, because I haven't been opening myself up. I've struggled to do that with other people too, and it just frustrates me. I just need to tip myself over, and pour it out to God. And I'm not going to wait until I'm too full to function.
I have bunches of homework to do before OnStage tonight, which is also going alright. I have to lose about 30 lbs. by January, but it's doable. I have to try, right? Right.
Love always, JayJay.
Well, things are much different than they were about 3 months ago...geeze. Dominic and I are done, Ryan and I are together. Thats going wonderfully, and I'm truely happy. Well, I'm happy about the relationship, but there are some things in my life that I just feel like...I don't know, maybe they are missing. Some things just feel a little empty, and I'm in the process of digging deep inside myself to find them.
My relationship with God is defintiely struggling right about now. I mean, it's not that I believe less, or that my faith has even decreased. I just feel like I'm only coming to God when things are really bad. I feel like God is just this HUGE higher power that always has been and always will be better than me, and there's no sense in going to him about small, earthly matters. But that is exactly opposite of how it should be. I should be able to just fall, crumble at His feet and weep. I should be able to spill everything that is bothering me, whether it be something as huge as someone dying, or as small as singing a wrong note in my voice testing. And I just feel distant. And it is by no means God's fault. It's all my fault, because I haven't been opening myself up. I've struggled to do that with other people too, and it just frustrates me. I just need to tip myself over, and pour it out to God. And I'm not going to wait until I'm too full to function.
I have bunches of homework to do before OnStage tonight, which is also going alright. I have to lose about 30 lbs. by January, but it's doable. I have to try, right? Right.
Love always, JayJay.