Musings of Jeff the intern
Season nine was kind of a rough year for most of the SV characters but what of Jeff the intern?
First introduced by Bryan Q. Miller back in Hex it turns out Jeff, just like most Smallville characters, has a more exciting life off screen than on-screen. And while he didn't have to battle Zod or team up with the Blur he did his best to navigate the corporate ladder and temper his crush on Lois Lane.
Sept 12th, 2009
Today was a sad day. They finally hired someone to replace Clark Kent and it wasn't me. Even though I've been working here years they give the job to some jerk I’ve never heard of who has a grudge against the blur. Lois is so going to kick his ass when she gets back.
Did I mention I didn't get the job that would have put my desk across from Lois?
Mood: Sad
Sept 19th, 2009
Oh my God! Greg over in IT emailed security camera footage of Lois throwing down with the boss. I guess that's why Lois hasn't come back to work.
I'm kind of scared of her now. But turned on too.
I need to make an appointment with my therapist.
Mood: Scared
Sept 25th 2009 (Savior)
Lois is back.
That new guy, John, keeps hitting on her. Jerk.
I hope she kicks his ass like she did Tess.
Mood: Irritated
October 2nd 2009 (Metallo)
Well, I missed my chance with Lois. Clark is back now too, right across from her.
It pisses me off how everybody seems to come a go from their job as they please with no repercussions while the steadfast and loyal like me aren’t rewarded.
That’s right, I’m still just a lowly intern.
At least there are free doughnuts.
Mood: Grumpy
October 9th, 2009 (Rabid)
Being an intern sucks! A bunch of rabid maniacs trashed the office last night and guess who had to help clean it up?
You'll never guess what I found by the photo copier while helping. Lois without make-up? Not pretty!
A little more scared of her now and a little less turned on.
Mood: Freaked out.
October 16th 2009 (Echo)
You know how the free doughnuts are the best part of this stinking job? Someone's been stealing mine.
Meanwhile Clark has himself all up in Lois’ grille. Would buying a monster truck to impress Lois? Parking could be a problem.
Mood: Hungry
October 23 2009 (Roulette)
An entire block of the city was shut off today and I had to take a different route to work. I thought maybe they were shooting a movie but I didn't see any cameras.
Randal said somebody called in about a man in a white suit who went crazy and police tasered him. We couldn't find any corroborating evidence or even any record of the street being closed.
Weird.
Even weirder? Clark offered to trade me some old shark movies for showing him how to play beer pong.
Mood: Suspicious
October 30 2009 (Crossfire)
I almost got a date with Lois but started having second thoughts.
I know, stupid, right?
I stumbled on her profile on an online dating site and a hacker friend of mine was more than happy to break into the system and match us up!
But then I started getting cold feet. Maybe I don't know Lois as well as I thought I did. I had no idea she likes champagne and the theater! That's not me!
And then there’s that photo copy of her I found of her drooling... who knows what.
Maybe I just have a crush on who I think she is.
Plus Oliver Queen gave me a check for $50,000 to give him another shot at her.
I've decided Oliver is not such a bad guy after all.
Mood: Elated
November 6th, 2009 (Kandor)
What's better than a vacation in Vegas? A vacation in Vegas on Oliver Queen's dime with Lois Lane!
OK, so it was a total co-incidence we were there together but it was still a blast!
Guess what? She hates champagne and can't stand theater! She's totally the girl for me.
Things were going great until she got a little too drunk, climbed up onto the craps table and starting rambling on to everyone in the casino about her sex dreams. (Hot!)
As I helped her back to her hotel room all she kept saying was "Poor Chloe. Poor Chloe." Then before she fell over and passed out on her bed she said, "Tell Chloe I lover her."
Chloe is my hacker friend. I used to hang with her ex-boyfriend, er, husband... ah never mind, it's complicated.
I gave Lois my therapist’s number. I hope she uses it because she seems pretty messed up.
Mood: Psyched
November 13th, 2009 (Idol)
Not a good day for me. A sudden fog caused me to total my car just as I arrived at work. Then a huge dog peed on my leg. Probably wouldn't have happened if I had a monster truck.
I think I'll buy one with what's left over of the money from Oliver.
Mood: Angry
November 20th, 2009 (Pandora)
Lois was in the hospital again. I dropped by to give her flowers and ran into Clark at the coffee machine. He didn't seem too happy. He was even less happy when we got back to Lois' room and she was gone.
Maybe she’s just tired of him stalking her.
Mood: Confused
January 29th 2010 (Disciple)
It's been a quiet couple of months. Not a single trip to the emergency room for Lois since she wandered off from her hospital room back in November.
Until today. If anyone could get shot with an arrow in the middle of the city it's Lois. This time I brought her balloons and offered her a ride in my monster truck. She thanked me for the balloons and took a rain check on the ride.
She's starting to cave. I can tell.
Mood: Determined
February 5th, 2010 (Absolute Justice)
Somebody has been messing in the archives again and I have to clean it up.
I hate being a stupid intern!
At least somebody other than Jimmy finally found a use for that old projector.
First gift ever from Lois today! I knew I was getting to her.
Who knew she plays chess?
Mood: Hopeful
February 12th, 2010 (Warrior)
I'm not going to wash my face for a week.
Make that two weeks.
Mood: Ecstatic
February 19th, 2010 (Persuasion)
A brand new building in the middle of down town just fell to the ground. They just don't build them like they used to.
In other news Lois quit her job and got engaged. Just when I thought she was coming around.
Mood: Sad.
February 26th, 2010 (Conspiracy)
Apparently Randal let some new guy run with the conspiracy theory story Jimmy and I had been pitching for years.
Stupid Brits. Maybe I'd advance faster if I had an accent.
On the bright side Lois' engagement fell through which means I still have a chance!
Crosses fingers.
Mood: Conflicted
April 2nd, 2010 (Escape)
Lois may be infatuated with Clark for now and going out for a romantic weekend with him but when they break up, and I know they will, I'll be waiting in the wings so I volunteered to take Lois' extra luggage back to her place for her.
She has a lot of clothes.
Mood: Exhausted.
April 9th, 2010 (Checkmate)
Maybe it's just because Lois gave me that pawn as gift but all of a sudden it seems like everyone is carrying a chess piece around with them. They all give me a little knowing nod when I’m carrying mine.
I know it's just the latest fad but it feels like I'm in an exclusive club or something. So cool!
Mood: Giddy
April 16th, 2010 (Upgrade)
I'm so bummed!
My first big break was total failure. Both Lois and Clark were MIA so Randal flew me to Seattle for an exclusive interview with Bill Gates.
Me! My big chance!
Then I totaled the rental car in a freak snow storm and missed the interview. Gates is pissed and Randal said the repairs will come out of my paycheck.
Sometimes it seems like bad luck follows me around.
I'm going to be an intern for the rest of my life!
Mood: Frustrated
April 23rd, 2010 (Charade)
Lois wore a bunny suit to work today. It impressed me but I don't know why she thought it would impress the new boss.
Speaking of which there are some sudden staff openings. This could be my second chance!
Wish me luck.
Mood: Devious
April 30th, 2010 (Sacrifice)
I was going to have lunch with Chloe for some tips in how to break from intern to reporter but her place was locked up tight and she wasn't answering her phone.
I guess she forgot we were going to meet.
Mood: Discouraged
May 7th, 2010 (Hostage)
Having the right connections will get you anything!
All the reporter spots are filled up again and I'm still just a lousy intern.
I wish I had some connections.
Can you imagine what kind of stories I could land if I knew the Blur. Or this Watchtower person?
Mood: Jealous
May 14th, 2010 (Salvation)
Tried to get out of town to take my mind off all the recent drama at work.
First trip to Washington DC? Ruined. By aliens.
But I wrote up a story about it and wired it to Randal. He said it looked good! He says if I play my cards right I might even make it to assistant in a couple years!
Best trip ever! (After Vegas.)
Mood: Hopeful
First introduced by Bryan Q. Miller back in Hex it turns out Jeff, just like most Smallville characters, has a more exciting life off screen than on-screen. And while he didn't have to battle Zod or team up with the Blur he did his best to navigate the corporate ladder and temper his crush on Lois Lane.
Sept 12th, 2009
Today was a sad day. They finally hired someone to replace Clark Kent and it wasn't me. Even though I've been working here years they give the job to some jerk I’ve never heard of who has a grudge against the blur. Lois is so going to kick his ass when she gets back.
Did I mention I didn't get the job that would have put my desk across from Lois?
Mood: Sad
Sept 19th, 2009
Oh my God! Greg over in IT emailed security camera footage of Lois throwing down with the boss. I guess that's why Lois hasn't come back to work.
I'm kind of scared of her now. But turned on too.
I need to make an appointment with my therapist.
Mood: Scared
Sept 25th 2009 (Savior)
Lois is back.
That new guy, John, keeps hitting on her. Jerk.
I hope she kicks his ass like she did Tess.
Mood: Irritated
October 2nd 2009 (Metallo)
Well, I missed my chance with Lois. Clark is back now too, right across from her.
It pisses me off how everybody seems to come a go from their job as they please with no repercussions while the steadfast and loyal like me aren’t rewarded.
That’s right, I’m still just a lowly intern.
At least there are free doughnuts.
Mood: Grumpy
October 9th, 2009 (Rabid)
Being an intern sucks! A bunch of rabid maniacs trashed the office last night and guess who had to help clean it up?
You'll never guess what I found by the photo copier while helping. Lois without make-up? Not pretty!
A little more scared of her now and a little less turned on.
Mood: Freaked out.
October 16th 2009 (Echo)
You know how the free doughnuts are the best part of this stinking job? Someone's been stealing mine.
Meanwhile Clark has himself all up in Lois’ grille. Would buying a monster truck to impress Lois? Parking could be a problem.
Mood: Hungry
October 23 2009 (Roulette)
An entire block of the city was shut off today and I had to take a different route to work. I thought maybe they were shooting a movie but I didn't see any cameras.
Randal said somebody called in about a man in a white suit who went crazy and police tasered him. We couldn't find any corroborating evidence or even any record of the street being closed.
Weird.
Even weirder? Clark offered to trade me some old shark movies for showing him how to play beer pong.
Mood: Suspicious
October 30 2009 (Crossfire)
I almost got a date with Lois but started having second thoughts.
I know, stupid, right?
I stumbled on her profile on an online dating site and a hacker friend of mine was more than happy to break into the system and match us up!
But then I started getting cold feet. Maybe I don't know Lois as well as I thought I did. I had no idea she likes champagne and the theater! That's not me!
And then there’s that photo copy of her I found of her drooling... who knows what.
Maybe I just have a crush on who I think she is.
Plus Oliver Queen gave me a check for $50,000 to give him another shot at her.
I've decided Oliver is not such a bad guy after all.
Mood: Elated
November 6th, 2009 (Kandor)
What's better than a vacation in Vegas? A vacation in Vegas on Oliver Queen's dime with Lois Lane!
OK, so it was a total co-incidence we were there together but it was still a blast!
Guess what? She hates champagne and can't stand theater! She's totally the girl for me.
Things were going great until she got a little too drunk, climbed up onto the craps table and starting rambling on to everyone in the casino about her sex dreams. (Hot!)
As I helped her back to her hotel room all she kept saying was "Poor Chloe. Poor Chloe." Then before she fell over and passed out on her bed she said, "Tell Chloe I lover her."
Chloe is my hacker friend. I used to hang with her ex-boyfriend, er, husband... ah never mind, it's complicated.
I gave Lois my therapist’s number. I hope she uses it because she seems pretty messed up.
Mood: Psyched
November 13th, 2009 (Idol)
Not a good day for me. A sudden fog caused me to total my car just as I arrived at work. Then a huge dog peed on my leg. Probably wouldn't have happened if I had a monster truck.
I think I'll buy one with what's left over of the money from Oliver.
Mood: Angry
November 20th, 2009 (Pandora)
Lois was in the hospital again. I dropped by to give her flowers and ran into Clark at the coffee machine. He didn't seem too happy. He was even less happy when we got back to Lois' room and she was gone.
Maybe she’s just tired of him stalking her.
Mood: Confused
January 29th 2010 (Disciple)
It's been a quiet couple of months. Not a single trip to the emergency room for Lois since she wandered off from her hospital room back in November.
Until today. If anyone could get shot with an arrow in the middle of the city it's Lois. This time I brought her balloons and offered her a ride in my monster truck. She thanked me for the balloons and took a rain check on the ride.
She's starting to cave. I can tell.
Mood: Determined
February 5th, 2010 (Absolute Justice)
Somebody has been messing in the archives again and I have to clean it up.
I hate being a stupid intern!
At least somebody other than Jimmy finally found a use for that old projector.
First gift ever from Lois today! I knew I was getting to her.
Who knew she plays chess?
Mood: Hopeful
February 12th, 2010 (Warrior)
I'm not going to wash my face for a week.
Make that two weeks.
Mood: Ecstatic
February 19th, 2010 (Persuasion)
A brand new building in the middle of down town just fell to the ground. They just don't build them like they used to.
In other news Lois quit her job and got engaged. Just when I thought she was coming around.
Mood: Sad.
February 26th, 2010 (Conspiracy)
Apparently Randal let some new guy run with the conspiracy theory story Jimmy and I had been pitching for years.
Stupid Brits. Maybe I'd advance faster if I had an accent.
On the bright side Lois' engagement fell through which means I still have a chance!
Crosses fingers.
Mood: Conflicted
April 2nd, 2010 (Escape)
Lois may be infatuated with Clark for now and going out for a romantic weekend with him but when they break up, and I know they will, I'll be waiting in the wings so I volunteered to take Lois' extra luggage back to her place for her.
She has a lot of clothes.
Mood: Exhausted.
April 9th, 2010 (Checkmate)
Maybe it's just because Lois gave me that pawn as gift but all of a sudden it seems like everyone is carrying a chess piece around with them. They all give me a little knowing nod when I’m carrying mine.
I know it's just the latest fad but it feels like I'm in an exclusive club or something. So cool!
Mood: Giddy
April 16th, 2010 (Upgrade)
I'm so bummed!
My first big break was total failure. Both Lois and Clark were MIA so Randal flew me to Seattle for an exclusive interview with Bill Gates.
Me! My big chance!
Then I totaled the rental car in a freak snow storm and missed the interview. Gates is pissed and Randal said the repairs will come out of my paycheck.
Sometimes it seems like bad luck follows me around.
I'm going to be an intern for the rest of my life!
Mood: Frustrated
April 23rd, 2010 (Charade)
Lois wore a bunny suit to work today. It impressed me but I don't know why she thought it would impress the new boss.
Speaking of which there are some sudden staff openings. This could be my second chance!
Wish me luck.
Mood: Devious
April 30th, 2010 (Sacrifice)
I was going to have lunch with Chloe for some tips in how to break from intern to reporter but her place was locked up tight and she wasn't answering her phone.
I guess she forgot we were going to meet.
Mood: Discouraged
May 7th, 2010 (Hostage)
Having the right connections will get you anything!
All the reporter spots are filled up again and I'm still just a lousy intern.
I wish I had some connections.
Can you imagine what kind of stories I could land if I knew the Blur. Or this Watchtower person?
Mood: Jealous
May 14th, 2010 (Salvation)
Tried to get out of town to take my mind off all the recent drama at work.
First trip to Washington DC? Ruined. By aliens.
But I wrote up a story about it and wired it to Randal. He said it looked good! He says if I play my cards right I might even make it to assistant in a couple years!
Best trip ever! (After Vegas.)
Mood: Hopeful