Letters to DC: Charade pseudo recap
I thought it'd be cool to recap Charade as a mash up a letters to Martha from Clark, Lois, and Chloe. I still think it was a cool idea but I've spent as much time as I'm willing to spend on it and unfortunately it didn't turn out nearly as cool as I hoped. I was hoping for funny and yet a lot of the funny seemed to get derailed. Nevertheless here it is for anyone interested...
The intention was to write it in a way that the various voices would be obvious. But in case they aren't you can differentiate Clark's letter as grey, Lois' letter as blue and Chloe's letter as red.
Dear Mom,
The past few days have been pretty hectic even for me. Just when I thought things couldn't get any worse than discovering Zod has abilities guess what? They got worse.
Dear Mrs. K,
I wish you could see the telescope I bought for Clark!
Dear Martha,
Can you believe Lois doesn't know how to use Craig's list?
Ever since I told Lois that maybe it would be okay if there were secrets between us I've felt like she's been hiding something. I don't want to use my abilities to spy on Lois so I decided maybe I should try to just coax it out of her.
Your son is so sweet! He invited me for a night of star gazing on the roof and I just couldn't help myself.
And what's with her buying Clark a telescope for crying out loud? Symbolic much?
You absolutely cannont tell him this: I was planning to drop the L bomb!
After all this time it seems like Clark still hasn't learned. I watch Lois talk about how much she loves your son and I get all these flashbacks of the heartache Lana went through because of his secret.
But don't worry, Mrs. K, the L bomb hasn't landed and even if it had I assure you I haven't taken advantage of your sweet little boy. At least not yet!
Has Clark mentioned we have a new boss? Or had a new boss? I mean the new boss is still at the Planet but... I'll get to that later.
Did I ever mention what a bitch Clark's former boss can be? She walks around LuthorCorp like she owns the place!
OK, maybe she does kind of own the place but Oliver's office? That should be off limits!
Did you get our latest campaign contribution? Oliver and I have been talking and we wondered if you'd consider running for governor?
Can you believe the governor pardoned Ray Sachs? The man throws me off the side of a building and I can't even get my parking tickets to go away! His vendetta agaist the Blur alone ought to be enough to keep that low life locked up forever!
Unfortunately things that happened at work have complicated things with Lois.
I know you're wondering when is it ever not complicated with Lois. Or with anyone in my life for that matter.
Things are more complicated than ever if that's a possibility.
But Ray Sachs is the least of my problems. Somehow our latest editor found out Clark and I were dating. And even worse he apparently has something against people being happy! I don't think I've ever seen the man smile.
Our new editor assigned us a story about Ray Sachs. Did you hear they let him out of jail? And by assigned us a story I don't mean as a team. The two of us, one story, one desk, and one job at the end of the day. I was afraid Lois was going to take his head off.
And he wanted us to compete not just for a story but for a job! Just because we're a couple. Believe me I wanted to give him a piece of my mind but your ever level headed son stopped me. Clark had this crazy idea that if we got a really good scoop on Sacks together we'd both get to keep our jobs.
Don't get me wrong, I love your son to peices, but sometimes he's just so naive!
Can you believe our current governor is in somebody's pocket? This tech mogul Maxwell Lord saw to it that Ray Sachs and a bunch of other people your son helped put behind bars had their sentences reversed.
But I figured what the heck. I can't fight Clark for a story. If he's not going to let some grumpy faced editor break us up as a team I'm not either. We'd work together and let the chips fall where they may. But for the first time in a long while I was actually glad when Clark suggested we split up to cover more ground. The last thing I wanted was for him to end up in Sach's cross-hairs too.
In typical Lois fashion she wasted no time in confronting Sachs and of course I ended up having to save her life. That's when I discovered Lois has been talking to someone impersonating me, impersonating the Blur that is.
I got nowhere with Sachs but I did discover this punk kid who snapped a picture of the Blur and intended to sell it to our dubious former DA. And I was hot on the perp's trail too when all of a sudden Clark shows up out of nowhere and gets on my case about who I talk to on the phone! I could always kind of tell that Clark was jealous of my other boyfriends but I don't understand his problem with the Blur. I mean, yes, maybe the difference is that this time Clark and I are dating but it's not like that with the Blur!
I knew I had to figure out who this impostor was but Lois was so defensive. I've only been jealous over Lana up until now. Who knew you could be jealous of yourself? Or in this case someone pretending to be you? It got me so rattled I had to check in with Chloe.
Clark and I figured out the Sachs connection to the Governor when he dropped by to talk about Lois. Can you believe he actually stole Lois phone? When Clark steals a phone you know he's got it bad.
I can't believe I stole Lois' phone. I knew Chloe could track her down without it but I guess I was too upset up to think clearly.
I must have dropped my phone when Sachs' goons were manhandling me in the alley.
You know, I ought to send him the bill for a new one.
I knew if I didn't let the Blur know pronto that a candid photo of him was running around lose sooner or later the top was going to get blown off his secret identity.
Did I mention I've been talking to the Blur? It was supposed to be a secret but since Clark found out he's probably already told you.
Anyway I had to hoof it over to the nearest pay phone and let him know before heading out and trying to take care of the picture myself.
I was able to work my techno magic to track down Lois and figure out where she was headed. It seems like no matter how amazing a technical feat I perform anymore I'm lucky to get so much as a thank you. I wonder if Clark would be more appreciative of my efforts if I wore fishnets? Oliver certainly favors them.
Of course finding Lois was easy as pie for Chloe. With a quick stop by the farmhouse to change into the Tux from Chloe's wedding I was able to fit right in with all the crooks at Sach's welcome back party.
It took a little improvisation to get into the DA's sleazy soiree but I've found that in a pinch a pretty face and a tight butt can get me into just about anywhere. Unfortunately sometimes it also requires bunny ears and being stuffed into an oversize pastry confection. Long story short I had everything under control until Clark barged in. But thanks to some quick thinking I was still able to save the Blur's secret identity despite Clark's interference!
Just as I was about to swipe any evidence linking me to the Blur Lois popped out of a giant cake in a bunny outfit. And then she hit me!
I was able to salvage the Blur's identity despite Clark. Unfortunately he did happen to get me fired.
I can't believe Lois got us fired!
Mrs. K, I'm not kidding whenI say it had to be about the worst day of my life. Little did I know it was going to get even worse. I had this horrible fight with Clark on the way out of our former place of employment and then before I can even get to my car Sachs' goons kidnapped me again!
We seriously have to figure out how to get Clark's job back for him. He can't fix that tractor to save his life.
But I have to admit I kind of missed messing around with the old tractor. Maybe being a farmer is a better secret life than metropolitan reporter. Why can't Lois like the farm like Lana did?
And the last thing we need is for Clark to start backtracking again.
Lana loved riding our horses but unless it has ten foot tires and 400 horses under the hood Lois isn't interested.
Speaking of Lois, Chloe came through again. This man named Maxwell Lord had captured her in hopes that reading her mind would reveal the Blur's identity.
Can you believe Sachs was just working for some other guy who was also after the Blur's identity? I knew that low life couldn't have a million dollars!
I'm sure you've heard of this guy named Maxwell Lord. If he ever made any contributions to your campaign you need to give them back now! As in yesterday now.
Both Sachs and this Lord guy work for a corrupt government agency. No offence mom, but sometimes I hate the government! I got to Lois just in time to save her and protect my secret.
The Blur saved my bacon and kicked some serious bad guy ass! He is so awesome yet it was probably just all in a day's work for that mysterious super dude.
I wanted so badly to tell Lois everything about myself right then and there. But as much as it tore at both our hearts she was right. Knowing who I am, who the Blur is, would just put her in even more danger than she already is.
Please tell Clark there is absolutely no need to be jealous. All I ever did with the Blur was let him touch my shoulder, honest!
It turns out one of Clark's old enemies had been impersonating the Blur and tricking Lois into working for him, Zod.
When Chloe told me it was Zod who had been impersonating me, putting Lois in danger, and it was all possible because of a situation I created I felt a pit in my stomach.
In the end Clark did what he needed to do, just like always. I'm proud of him for that but as his friend I just wish doing what needs to be done didn't have to break his heart so often, you know? Of course you know. You're his mom.
And really, there's no reason for Clark to be jealous anymore. He broke up with me, the Blur did. He told me I'll never hear from him ever again.
I guess technically we didn't break up because we weren't dating or anything. I'm dating Clark and I love "L" Clark more than anything or anyone.
I don't know which was worse, finally realizing how vulnerable contacting her through a secret identity left Lois or watching her take in the news I could never contract her ever again. All I can do is just hope that on some level she understands and the side of me that I can show her is enough.
The news from the Blur hit me harder than I thought it would. And even though I was still reeling from that and having just lost the only job I was ever any good at I still showed up for my date with Clark. Mrs. K, your son is so understanding. When I told him about the Blur he took it so much better than I ever expected. And the look in his eyes when he asked me if he were enough for me -- it made me melt and want to cry at the same time.
I don't know where things will go with Lois. She's been one of the few things good in my life for a while now. I hope I haven't lost her.
If anyone deserves a happy ending it's your son. I wish I knew how to help him find it.
Sincerely,
Chloe Sullivan
Mrs K, I know when you decided to be with Jonathon you left behind a lot. A career, the big city, even your family. Was Jonathon enough for you? Did you ever feel that maybe something was missing?
Lots and lots of love,
Lo
Think maybe you could visit Kansas sometime soon?
Love your son,
Clark.
The intention was to write it in a way that the various voices would be obvious. But in case they aren't you can differentiate Clark's letter as grey, Lois' letter as blue and Chloe's letter as red.
Dear Mom,
The past few days have been pretty hectic even for me. Just when I thought things couldn't get any worse than discovering Zod has abilities guess what? They got worse.
Dear Mrs. K,
I wish you could see the telescope I bought for Clark!
Dear Martha,
Can you believe Lois doesn't know how to use Craig's list?
Ever since I told Lois that maybe it would be okay if there were secrets between us I've felt like she's been hiding something. I don't want to use my abilities to spy on Lois so I decided maybe I should try to just coax it out of her.
Your son is so sweet! He invited me for a night of star gazing on the roof and I just couldn't help myself.
And what's with her buying Clark a telescope for crying out loud? Symbolic much?
You absolutely cannont tell him this: I was planning to drop the L bomb!
After all this time it seems like Clark still hasn't learned. I watch Lois talk about how much she loves your son and I get all these flashbacks of the heartache Lana went through because of his secret.
But don't worry, Mrs. K, the L bomb hasn't landed and even if it had I assure you I haven't taken advantage of your sweet little boy. At least not yet!
Has Clark mentioned we have a new boss? Or had a new boss? I mean the new boss is still at the Planet but... I'll get to that later.
Did I ever mention what a bitch Clark's former boss can be? She walks around LuthorCorp like she owns the place!
OK, maybe she does kind of own the place but Oliver's office? That should be off limits!
Did you get our latest campaign contribution? Oliver and I have been talking and we wondered if you'd consider running for governor?
Can you believe the governor pardoned Ray Sachs? The man throws me off the side of a building and I can't even get my parking tickets to go away! His vendetta agaist the Blur alone ought to be enough to keep that low life locked up forever!
Unfortunately things that happened at work have complicated things with Lois.
I know you're wondering when is it ever not complicated with Lois. Or with anyone in my life for that matter.
Things are more complicated than ever if that's a possibility.
But Ray Sachs is the least of my problems. Somehow our latest editor found out Clark and I were dating. And even worse he apparently has something against people being happy! I don't think I've ever seen the man smile.
Our new editor assigned us a story about Ray Sachs. Did you hear they let him out of jail? And by assigned us a story I don't mean as a team. The two of us, one story, one desk, and one job at the end of the day. I was afraid Lois was going to take his head off.
And he wanted us to compete not just for a story but for a job! Just because we're a couple. Believe me I wanted to give him a piece of my mind but your ever level headed son stopped me. Clark had this crazy idea that if we got a really good scoop on Sacks together we'd both get to keep our jobs.
Don't get me wrong, I love your son to peices, but sometimes he's just so naive!
Can you believe our current governor is in somebody's pocket? This tech mogul Maxwell Lord saw to it that Ray Sachs and a bunch of other people your son helped put behind bars had their sentences reversed.
But I figured what the heck. I can't fight Clark for a story. If he's not going to let some grumpy faced editor break us up as a team I'm not either. We'd work together and let the chips fall where they may. But for the first time in a long while I was actually glad when Clark suggested we split up to cover more ground. The last thing I wanted was for him to end up in Sach's cross-hairs too.
In typical Lois fashion she wasted no time in confronting Sachs and of course I ended up having to save her life. That's when I discovered Lois has been talking to someone impersonating me, impersonating the Blur that is.
I got nowhere with Sachs but I did discover this punk kid who snapped a picture of the Blur and intended to sell it to our dubious former DA. And I was hot on the perp's trail too when all of a sudden Clark shows up out of nowhere and gets on my case about who I talk to on the phone! I could always kind of tell that Clark was jealous of my other boyfriends but I don't understand his problem with the Blur. I mean, yes, maybe the difference is that this time Clark and I are dating but it's not like that with the Blur!
I knew I had to figure out who this impostor was but Lois was so defensive. I've only been jealous over Lana up until now. Who knew you could be jealous of yourself? Or in this case someone pretending to be you? It got me so rattled I had to check in with Chloe.
Clark and I figured out the Sachs connection to the Governor when he dropped by to talk about Lois. Can you believe he actually stole Lois phone? When Clark steals a phone you know he's got it bad.
I can't believe I stole Lois' phone. I knew Chloe could track her down without it but I guess I was too upset up to think clearly.
I must have dropped my phone when Sachs' goons were manhandling me in the alley.
You know, I ought to send him the bill for a new one.
I knew if I didn't let the Blur know pronto that a candid photo of him was running around lose sooner or later the top was going to get blown off his secret identity.
Did I mention I've been talking to the Blur? It was supposed to be a secret but since Clark found out he's probably already told you.
Anyway I had to hoof it over to the nearest pay phone and let him know before heading out and trying to take care of the picture myself.
I was able to work my techno magic to track down Lois and figure out where she was headed. It seems like no matter how amazing a technical feat I perform anymore I'm lucky to get so much as a thank you. I wonder if Clark would be more appreciative of my efforts if I wore fishnets? Oliver certainly favors them.
Of course finding Lois was easy as pie for Chloe. With a quick stop by the farmhouse to change into the Tux from Chloe's wedding I was able to fit right in with all the crooks at Sach's welcome back party.
It took a little improvisation to get into the DA's sleazy soiree but I've found that in a pinch a pretty face and a tight butt can get me into just about anywhere. Unfortunately sometimes it also requires bunny ears and being stuffed into an oversize pastry confection. Long story short I had everything under control until Clark barged in. But thanks to some quick thinking I was still able to save the Blur's secret identity despite Clark's interference!
Just as I was about to swipe any evidence linking me to the Blur Lois popped out of a giant cake in a bunny outfit. And then she hit me!
I was able to salvage the Blur's identity despite Clark. Unfortunately he did happen to get me fired.
I can't believe Lois got us fired!
Mrs. K, I'm not kidding whenI say it had to be about the worst day of my life. Little did I know it was going to get even worse. I had this horrible fight with Clark on the way out of our former place of employment and then before I can even get to my car Sachs' goons kidnapped me again!
We seriously have to figure out how to get Clark's job back for him. He can't fix that tractor to save his life.
But I have to admit I kind of missed messing around with the old tractor. Maybe being a farmer is a better secret life than metropolitan reporter. Why can't Lois like the farm like Lana did?
And the last thing we need is for Clark to start backtracking again.
Lana loved riding our horses but unless it has ten foot tires and 400 horses under the hood Lois isn't interested.
Speaking of Lois, Chloe came through again. This man named Maxwell Lord had captured her in hopes that reading her mind would reveal the Blur's identity.
Can you believe Sachs was just working for some other guy who was also after the Blur's identity? I knew that low life couldn't have a million dollars!
I'm sure you've heard of this guy named Maxwell Lord. If he ever made any contributions to your campaign you need to give them back now! As in yesterday now.
Both Sachs and this Lord guy work for a corrupt government agency. No offence mom, but sometimes I hate the government! I got to Lois just in time to save her and protect my secret.
The Blur saved my bacon and kicked some serious bad guy ass! He is so awesome yet it was probably just all in a day's work for that mysterious super dude.
I wanted so badly to tell Lois everything about myself right then and there. But as much as it tore at both our hearts she was right. Knowing who I am, who the Blur is, would just put her in even more danger than she already is.
Please tell Clark there is absolutely no need to be jealous. All I ever did with the Blur was let him touch my shoulder, honest!
It turns out one of Clark's old enemies had been impersonating the Blur and tricking Lois into working for him, Zod.
When Chloe told me it was Zod who had been impersonating me, putting Lois in danger, and it was all possible because of a situation I created I felt a pit in my stomach.
In the end Clark did what he needed to do, just like always. I'm proud of him for that but as his friend I just wish doing what needs to be done didn't have to break his heart so often, you know? Of course you know. You're his mom.
And really, there's no reason for Clark to be jealous anymore. He broke up with me, the Blur did. He told me I'll never hear from him ever again.
I guess technically we didn't break up because we weren't dating or anything. I'm dating Clark and I love "L" Clark more than anything or anyone.
I don't know which was worse, finally realizing how vulnerable contacting her through a secret identity left Lois or watching her take in the news I could never contract her ever again. All I can do is just hope that on some level she understands and the side of me that I can show her is enough.
The news from the Blur hit me harder than I thought it would. And even though I was still reeling from that and having just lost the only job I was ever any good at I still showed up for my date with Clark. Mrs. K, your son is so understanding. When I told him about the Blur he took it so much better than I ever expected. And the look in his eyes when he asked me if he were enough for me -- it made me melt and want to cry at the same time.
I don't know where things will go with Lois. She's been one of the few things good in my life for a while now. I hope I haven't lost her.
If anyone deserves a happy ending it's your son. I wish I knew how to help him find it.
Sincerely,
Chloe Sullivan
Mrs K, I know when you decided to be with Jonathon you left behind a lot. A career, the big city, even your family. Was Jonathon enough for you? Did you ever feel that maybe something was missing?
Lots and lots of love,
Lo
Think maybe you could visit Kansas sometime soon?
Love your son,
Clark.