The Butterfly Effect
i've never really been a big fan of butterflies. in fact, until today i always thought the image of butterflies were quite played out. but like i say, that was until today. in asian culture, the butterfly symbolizes "life, to be more exact long life". in western culture, it symbolizes "re-birth, life and a new beginning".
in the Japanese culture butterflies are thought to be representative of young maidens and marital bliss. many Japanese families use the butterfly in the family crest design.
why do i bring this up?
i had my ultrasound this morning.
my instincts were right. i knew something was wrong and as soon as i looked up at the ultrasound screen i saw my worst dreams unfold into reality. ed held my hands tightly asking me what was wrong, even before i knew it i had tears streaming down the side of my face. i couldn't see my baby anymore. in its place was an empty void - the same void i now carry in my heart.
this is our second child we've lost, and as if that's not heartache enough, to make matters worse it's almost exactly to the date the same time frame.
i've wanted a new tattoo for a long time. a life line of significan't moments of my life displayed on my body so i never forget and am always reminded of who i am and what i've gone through to get to where i am today. originally i was working on a an asian theme, very Japanese art like, but now i've changed my mind. i'm going to do butterflies.
i now recognize the true meaning of the "butterfly effect" - the idea that the flapping of the butterflies wing represents a small change in the initial condition of our overall system, which causes a chain of events leading to large-scale alterations of events. this is the story of my life which has momentarily stopped here at this second and will, i believe, pick up and start flapping again ...