Catharsis
So Saturday was the memorial service for Aunt Tinkie.
It wound up being a pretty good day -- relatives came, stories were exchanged, kind words were said. It didn't get too morbid or weepy, and was instead a celebration of the impact of one feisty old broad on our lives. The family was well represented, with four generations present, and what I jokingly refer to as "the wedding and funeral crowd". So many cousins!
There was plenty of food -- my bro-in-law usually retreats to the kitchen and stays busy there -- and plenty to drink. It ended up being too hot to do much outside -- a pity after all the time spent cleaning up -- but there was room for people to talk and mingle and they did so happily. The babies were in grand form, there weren't any pissing matches or petty fights, and people seemed genuinely happy to visit with each other despite the circumstances.
I hadn't planned to say anything, feeling that there were plenty of folks there to say stuff. But seeing my mom try to talk about Aunt Tink -- and be overcome with emotions -- I ended up stepping in to try to say what Mom was trying to say. I mentioned how I can't play Dominoes or Yahtzee without thinking of Aunt Erma, or look at candles without being reminded of Aunt Betty, but for Aunt Tink, the triggers are more diverse -- the old Readers Digests, the cookies kept in the fridge, and more than anything else, the long hours spent telling old family stories well into the night. Those long-winded family stories you've heard a hundred times, but Aunt Tink was great at telling them. Amusing how many people had many of those same memories.
It was a long day, though. I arrived around noon to help with setup; people arrived around 1, the ceremony started around 2pm, and by 6pm most folks had gone home. But a significant number of folks decided to stay on, and just keep the festivities going. About 10 of us ended up going over to LongHorn for steak and drinks (I pulled a fast one and snagged the check), and by the time we got done it was close to 11pm.
By the end of the day, it really felt like we'd given a proper send-off to Aunt Tink, someone we all loved and respected, and wished we'd known better. It was good to share that, both for those closest to her and for everyone there harboring a bit of regret for not visiting or calling those we care about as often as we'd like.
It wound up being a pretty good day -- relatives came, stories were exchanged, kind words were said. It didn't get too morbid or weepy, and was instead a celebration of the impact of one feisty old broad on our lives. The family was well represented, with four generations present, and what I jokingly refer to as "the wedding and funeral crowd". So many cousins!
There was plenty of food -- my bro-in-law usually retreats to the kitchen and stays busy there -- and plenty to drink. It ended up being too hot to do much outside -- a pity after all the time spent cleaning up -- but there was room for people to talk and mingle and they did so happily. The babies were in grand form, there weren't any pissing matches or petty fights, and people seemed genuinely happy to visit with each other despite the circumstances.
I hadn't planned to say anything, feeling that there were plenty of folks there to say stuff. But seeing my mom try to talk about Aunt Tink -- and be overcome with emotions -- I ended up stepping in to try to say what Mom was trying to say. I mentioned how I can't play Dominoes or Yahtzee without thinking of Aunt Erma, or look at candles without being reminded of Aunt Betty, but for Aunt Tink, the triggers are more diverse -- the old Readers Digests, the cookies kept in the fridge, and more than anything else, the long hours spent telling old family stories well into the night. Those long-winded family stories you've heard a hundred times, but Aunt Tink was great at telling them. Amusing how many people had many of those same memories.
It was a long day, though. I arrived around noon to help with setup; people arrived around 1, the ceremony started around 2pm, and by 6pm most folks had gone home. But a significant number of folks decided to stay on, and just keep the festivities going. About 10 of us ended up going over to LongHorn for steak and drinks (I pulled a fast one and snagged the check), and by the time we got done it was close to 11pm.
By the end of the day, it really felt like we'd given a proper send-off to Aunt Tink, someone we all loved and respected, and wished we'd known better. It was good to share that, both for those closest to her and for everyone there harboring a bit of regret for not visiting or calling those we care about as often as we'd like.