waiting
Waiting.
We spend half our lives waiting for things never knowing if they're going to arrive or if it's just circumstance that's brought us to this point. Perhaps it's a little of both. Or in the case of waiting for my first child to be born, I don't think my impatience counts so I'd rather not speculate. Johanna is overdue at this point and we're just waiting.
Patrice warned me it would be like this. I recall his exact words, that one morning in Italy as he sat across from me at breakfest dressed in just the welcoming sunlight of the bedroom in our suite. He whispered softly as he leaned forward anmd rested his elbows on just the table, "Near the end of everything, it will seem like time has stopped moving but just wait. It will be worth it in the end."
I remained silent as he spoke to me, observing rather than responding as I was often prone to do with Patrice last summer as we made the most of our time off. I'd become used to the way he'd shift in his chair, leaning his weight to his left side when he spoke. If he were a woman, he'd have too many curves to fit into the corner of it but every angle of his body, fit neatly into where he settled. Every so often he'd rub the back of his neck with just the ends of his fingers, where my lips had kissed him the night before, under the small hairs that fell flat against his skin.
And as he spokme of patience and waiting, I wondered if he knew how much waiting had built up into that moment on holiday. Maybe he'd been waiting all his life to grab my hand and pull me to him. Maybe be'd been as impatient as I was to breathe the same air and share the same space, to watch a face twist in pleasure and lust the way it only does when you feel so completely overwhelmed by emotion for the other person that your whole body tenses. Yet, I know that I'd wait my whole life for just two seconds of his time if we could find the time.
Waiting can drive a person crazy and make them do strange and irrational things. I haven't decided if I'm to that point but I could certrainly use a nudge in the other direction. So many things I want and none of the money in the world could buy them.
We spend half our lives waiting for things never knowing if they're going to arrive or if it's just circumstance that's brought us to this point. Perhaps it's a little of both. Or in the case of waiting for my first child to be born, I don't think my impatience counts so I'd rather not speculate. Johanna is overdue at this point and we're just waiting.
Patrice warned me it would be like this. I recall his exact words, that one morning in Italy as he sat across from me at breakfest dressed in just the welcoming sunlight of the bedroom in our suite. He whispered softly as he leaned forward anmd rested his elbows on just the table, "Near the end of everything, it will seem like time has stopped moving but just wait. It will be worth it in the end."
I remained silent as he spoke to me, observing rather than responding as I was often prone to do with Patrice last summer as we made the most of our time off. I'd become used to the way he'd shift in his chair, leaning his weight to his left side when he spoke. If he were a woman, he'd have too many curves to fit into the corner of it but every angle of his body, fit neatly into where he settled. Every so often he'd rub the back of his neck with just the ends of his fingers, where my lips had kissed him the night before, under the small hairs that fell flat against his skin.
And as he spokme of patience and waiting, I wondered if he knew how much waiting had built up into that moment on holiday. Maybe he'd been waiting all his life to grab my hand and pull me to him. Maybe be'd been as impatient as I was to breathe the same air and share the same space, to watch a face twist in pleasure and lust the way it only does when you feel so completely overwhelmed by emotion for the other person that your whole body tenses. Yet, I know that I'd wait my whole life for just two seconds of his time if we could find the time.
Waiting can drive a person crazy and make them do strange and irrational things. I haven't decided if I'm to that point but I could certrainly use a nudge in the other direction. So many things I want and none of the money in the world could buy them.