worst day every.....drunky time
chem test today. i studied maybe 6 hours. granted i didn't go to all the classes to get all the noes, but i made my own notes and i thought that i would do really well. the first few questions were okay, then i knew a bunch, then i was fucked on one question, so i stalled and was rushed through all this bullshit that wasn't taught and if it was i didn't understand b/c santos doesn't speak english.
45%
i've never, ever, ever gotten a grade that low in my life. the whole way back i prayed/yelled at God. I think I put all this other shit that's going on in my life first and didn't care about the chem test. ahhhh.....just so much to think about and do and be devoted to.
but, i called my probation officer and i can get my alcohol therapy classes delayed, so i have to call ahead and go in in may and sign paperwork and do the classes next year when school starts. so, that's really awesome.
the next 2 weeks are study, study, study. especially for chem. if i get an awesome grade on this test, i can cancel out today's test and get an A in the class.
so, my latest thing is that when i'm upset, or on the verge of crying, i hurt myself. ED, SI, body image, thoughts, etc. it's bad. "ouch christie, what happened to your arm" "I hit a bush".
I am OCD with SI. Bad, bad, bad. my arm looks horrible. i'm just so stressed about finals and getting good grades to keep the scholarships and please everyone. i'm stressed about work this summer and our living situation. i'm just stressed about life.
therefore, i'm drinking. 99 apples is good shit.
brit-i'm so glad that we got to talk today. i miss you so much. i miss the friendship that we had a few years ago. i thank you so much for being so bold and telling me to stop fucking up and getting my life on track. you are one of the reasons that i'm doing so well today. you have this gift of being so mature and helping people get on track with life. i hope that we can start talking more b/c i love being around you. swingset. i'm glad that you'll be in CO next year. I hope that the rest of your semester goes really well. I'm always thinking of you, especially when i saw one of those swinging babay cariadges (sp?) today. good fun. I love you so much!
45%
i've never, ever, ever gotten a grade that low in my life. the whole way back i prayed/yelled at God. I think I put all this other shit that's going on in my life first and didn't care about the chem test. ahhhh.....just so much to think about and do and be devoted to.
but, i called my probation officer and i can get my alcohol therapy classes delayed, so i have to call ahead and go in in may and sign paperwork and do the classes next year when school starts. so, that's really awesome.
the next 2 weeks are study, study, study. especially for chem. if i get an awesome grade on this test, i can cancel out today's test and get an A in the class.
so, my latest thing is that when i'm upset, or on the verge of crying, i hurt myself. ED, SI, body image, thoughts, etc. it's bad. "ouch christie, what happened to your arm" "I hit a bush".
I am OCD with SI. Bad, bad, bad. my arm looks horrible. i'm just so stressed about finals and getting good grades to keep the scholarships and please everyone. i'm stressed about work this summer and our living situation. i'm just stressed about life.
therefore, i'm drinking. 99 apples is good shit.
brit-i'm so glad that we got to talk today. i miss you so much. i miss the friendship that we had a few years ago. i thank you so much for being so bold and telling me to stop fucking up and getting my life on track. you are one of the reasons that i'm doing so well today. you have this gift of being so mature and helping people get on track with life. i hope that we can start talking more b/c i love being around you. swingset. i'm glad that you'll be in CO next year. I hope that the rest of your semester goes really well. I'm always thinking of you, especially when i saw one of those swinging babay cariadges (sp?) today. good fun. I love you so much!