people in the know
I know he was polite, and did not cross the line with his comments. But I still don't like that my neighbors know my business. At the end of August, I announced to the HOA president's wife that Faris and I are no longer together. I had been avoiding it all summer because I knew she doesn't keep conversation simple. This case was no exception and left me crying in front of her in the parking garage.
This week we had some plumbing issues that had her and plumbers going in and out of several of our units. And even though I'm sure my immediate neighbors would be able to guess my situation, I know they know for sure now. I was just leaving the laundry room and my neighbor asked how I was. I gave a simple "good" and he was like "good?"... and then i corrected with "relatively speaking." And he just said "hang in there, things will get better." I just held on as far as my front door and then cried as I crossed the threshold.
I know that I think about it all day long every day still. But it something hurts more when other people bring it up to me.
Besides the hurt and confusion, the other thing I'm battling is just plain fear of faris. He left in such an angry violent state. That is the freshest version of him I have. Despite him saying he wanted to stay friends and be part of my life and the cats, and me being the one saying "no, you can't be part of my life if you do this."... he was the one that cut everything off. He erased me from his social networking profiles and put up this thing like I was going to hunt him down and sabotage him. We discussed just simply taking his name off the deed of our condo, but he wanted to go a step further and take his name off the loan because he doesn't trust me with not "sticking him with the mortgage"... which is a really stupid thing to accuse me of, because he is already completely guilty of doing that to me.
This solidifies my theory of people who are quick to accuse others of something they are already are or often are guilty of.
He is back in America, now. I know this thanks to fucking fed ex, and his band's myspace page. (he had a show last week that hopefully no one went to despite it being free, and it wounded his ego further and made him think introspectively and really learn how stupid and ridiculous he has become). Since he has been back, I've been a ball of nerves, with the big question mark of what he might do/try to do. I had convinced myself that he would still try to fight with me about something since he fought me on so many imaginary problems in our final month. But I hope he has calmed down and is normalizing. I wish I had a way of finding out if that was the case or not. But I don't have a way. I also thought that if he truly is a narcissist, then it is likely that acknowledging me is like acknowledging that internal thing he nearly brought to the surface before running away in total mad man fear. So as long as he pushes me completely out, he doesn't have to acknowledge what he knows is not far beneath the surface. So he will be avoiding me hard. That, as fucked up as it is, is slightly more comforting.
This week we had some plumbing issues that had her and plumbers going in and out of several of our units. And even though I'm sure my immediate neighbors would be able to guess my situation, I know they know for sure now. I was just leaving the laundry room and my neighbor asked how I was. I gave a simple "good" and he was like "good?"... and then i corrected with "relatively speaking." And he just said "hang in there, things will get better." I just held on as far as my front door and then cried as I crossed the threshold.
I know that I think about it all day long every day still. But it something hurts more when other people bring it up to me.
Besides the hurt and confusion, the other thing I'm battling is just plain fear of faris. He left in such an angry violent state. That is the freshest version of him I have. Despite him saying he wanted to stay friends and be part of my life and the cats, and me being the one saying "no, you can't be part of my life if you do this."... he was the one that cut everything off. He erased me from his social networking profiles and put up this thing like I was going to hunt him down and sabotage him. We discussed just simply taking his name off the deed of our condo, but he wanted to go a step further and take his name off the loan because he doesn't trust me with not "sticking him with the mortgage"... which is a really stupid thing to accuse me of, because he is already completely guilty of doing that to me.
This solidifies my theory of people who are quick to accuse others of something they are already are or often are guilty of.
He is back in America, now. I know this thanks to fucking fed ex, and his band's myspace page. (he had a show last week that hopefully no one went to despite it being free, and it wounded his ego further and made him think introspectively and really learn how stupid and ridiculous he has become). Since he has been back, I've been a ball of nerves, with the big question mark of what he might do/try to do. I had convinced myself that he would still try to fight with me about something since he fought me on so many imaginary problems in our final month. But I hope he has calmed down and is normalizing. I wish I had a way of finding out if that was the case or not. But I don't have a way. I also thought that if he truly is a narcissist, then it is likely that acknowledging me is like acknowledging that internal thing he nearly brought to the surface before running away in total mad man fear. So as long as he pushes me completely out, he doesn't have to acknowledge what he knows is not far beneath the surface. So he will be avoiding me hard. That, as fucked up as it is, is slightly more comforting.