Gravity, Chapter Twelve
Fandom: UKISS
Rating: PG
Pairing: JaeVin, ElVin (mentioned)
Chapter: 12/17
Summary: Kevin Woo has resigned. AJ is left with the knowledge that he was not alone in his feelings for the other man and it nearly destroys him. Taking a chance, he follows Kevin to San Francisco in order to try and reclaim the only thing that has ever meant anything to him.
Clinking glasses and quiet conversation fill the air of the restaurant. There's some kind of music playing with lyrics in at least three languages, but I'm not really paying attention. I'm lost in my own thoughts as I watch the bubbles float up through my drink.
A warm hand squeezes my own and I manage to pull my thoughts back into focus. Automatically, I look up and offer a small smile to my girlfriend. She's sitting across the table, looking at me with clear worry on her face. We were talking. I'm sure we were, but I don't remember what about. Maybe her parents' dinner this weekend, or work. It was probably work. I'm not sure.
"Are you okay?" she asks, and I can hear the concern in her voice.
Shaking my head, I hope she can't read past the look on my face. "I'm fine. Sorry for zoning out on you."
That's a plain lie. I'm aware of it, but she probably isn't. We may be together, but she's usually in the dark about anything in my life. She's always busy with her job, her friends. Her life. I've realized that more lately than I ever have before. My problems aren't the sort of thing she would want to hear about. She wants to know if I'm okay tonight and I'll tell her that I am, but that term hasn't really applied to me for days.
She squeezes my hand again before pulling it back and returning to her meal. "You need to rest more. You're going to get sick if you keep this up."
"Yeah," I agree, "you're right. I'll try to rest up."
With that brief conversation, I turn my attention back to my own food and drink. It's not like me to tune out in the middle of a conversation. That's doubly true with her, and I'm mildly embarrassed that my thoughts wandered off on me. Time to pay attention, I guess. After all, we hardly ever get to go out for dinner due to our schedules.
She says something about a meeting that she has at work later tonight. I respond with some meaningless pleasantries. For the first time in a long time, when I smile back at her, it's fake.
Dinner ends and she takes a cab back to her place. Rather than getting a ride myself, I decide to walk back to my apartment. It's a little far, but tonight I kind of feel like I could use the fresh air.
Walking down the sidewalk, it's not our meaningless conversation that I'm thinking about. It's the fact that she thinks that I need more rest. She's right, of course. We're constantly on the go. No matter how busy our days are now, though, this is nothing compared to what it will be like once we start with the actual promotions. I should make use of my free time while I still have some. The best way to do that is probably the one way I've been neglecting lately. I should spend more time with my friends outside of work.
Slipping a hand into my pocket, I fish out my cell phone and dial Eli's number. Even though it's only been a few weeks, it feels like it's been forever since he and I hung out together. It's definitely time to fix that.
The phone rings several times. I figure that Eli's letting it go to voice mail, but then there's a click on the other end.
"Hello?" Eli says. All it takes is one word for me to hear that he's distracted.
"You okay?" I'm wondering if I've called at a bad time. Usually, he's pretty happy to hear from me.
"Yeah, man. I'm better than fine," Eli replies. The distraction is still in his voice, but I can hear excitement there, too. I grin at the phone as Eli chats with someone just out of range of the phone. Maybe he's trying to make the most of his free time, too.
"That's great."
Eli turns his attention back to my phone call. "Sorry, I'm a little distracted. What's up?"
"Thursday night. Are you free?" I ask. "I was thinking we could hang out at my place, watch a movie or something. Maybe get some take-out. We could invite some of the others if you want."
I can hear him chatting off to the side of the phone again. Yeah, he's definitely not alone. Is he hanging out at a bar tonight or something? I can't hear any music playing, and it doesn't seem that loud wherever he is.
"Sure." Eli laughs, and the laughter gets louder as he turns his attention back to the phone. "That sounds awesome. Can we invite Kevin?"
"Kevin?" Why just Kevin? "Sure, I guess. Do y--"
"Sorry, but I gotta go. We're about to head into the theater." Theater. That explains where he is.
"Who's 'we'?"
Eli lets out another laugh into the phone. "Me and Kevin. Gotta go!"
The phone clicks into silence. I pull back, staring at it as it sits harmlessly in my hand. There's the smallest bit of nausea stirring in my stomach as I take in his response. He and Kevin are out watching a movie. That thought shouldn't bother me. I know that as well as anybody. What Eli and Kevin do isn't my business.
My personal resolution to pull my nose out of Eli and Kevin's business makes things easier. It's Tuesday afternoon and I'm feeling much more at ease. Our last few private practice sessions have been going pretty smoothly, but we're picking up the pace. My feet are finally figuring out how to move without screwing anyone else up. Between that and the fact that we're almost out of time, I've been busting my ass. I think that Kevin and I are both ready to be done with this routine.
"Ready?" Kevin says, grinning at me as he sets up the radio to play the song again. He's breathing heavily; this is the third time we've gone through it on our own today, and that's not counting the group practice we had earlier. These private sessions are exhausting and frustrating as hell, but I'm grateful for the help. We're making progress and that makes all the strain worth it.
Taking another long drink of water, I wipe my mouth with the back of my hand. Setting the bottle down, I grin. "Yeah, I'm ready. Let me get into position."
Kevin nods. As soon as I'm in place, the music starts and he comes to stand next to me. It's only about thirty seconds of routine, but every move and motion seems to take forever. I lose myself completely to the rhythm.
And then I realize it.
I did it. I actually got through the problematic section! The music winds up, and I'm panting at the same time that I'm laughing. Kevin is laughing, too. He claps his hands together, applauding as he tries to catch his breath. "You did it!"
"I didn't hit you at all?" I ask skeptically. Did I actually get it right?
Kevin shakes his head. "Nope."
"Holy shit." A wave of elation washes through me as I realize that I've actually managed to get the routine right. "I did it!"
Reaching up, I intercept a high five and let out a shout. Kevin beams at me as we both rest. We don't need to say what we're thinking. Our hard work is finally paying off, albeit a bit later than it should have. Everybody else already knows the dance, and none of them have nearly as many issues with it as I do. Doesn't matter. Right now, I'm king of the world.
Kevin watches me, his eyes smiling along with the rest of him. I return the gaze until things start to feel a little awkward. I don't think I'm the only one feeling the oddness. Kevin pulls back, standing up a little straighter.
"Come on," he tells me. "One more time."
"Again?" I ask, wondering if we'll be able to duplicate success.
He just grins at me. "Again. It's no good if you just do it once."
"Okay, okay. Reset the music." Brushing a little sweat off of my forehead, I move back into position. The CD player starts up and I hear the familiar sounds of Kevin scanning through the song until we get to the right section. Then, before I know it, we're going through it again. It's not that difficult, really. There's a slide and a turn. A few easy motions and my hand lands up his waist as we build the chain that was causing me so much trouble before. So simple, I don't know why I thought it was hard.
As soon as the section finishes, I turn to go into the next set of moves, but Kevin stops and starts clapping. He's grinning ear to ear and I can hear his shout even before I stop moving.
"You did it! You've really got it!" he shouts. I think he's almost more excited about this than I am, but I don't care. We're both laughing as the song plays on in the background.
"I think I do have it," I tell him.
I raise my hand for another high five, but I'm completely caught off-guard by Kevin pulling me into a loose hug instead. He pats me hard on the back as we revel in our success. I guess it's kind of stupid to be so excited about figuring out such a tiny segment of routine, but I feel completely relieved.
After a moment's hesitation, I return the hug. At the same time, Kevin pulls back a bit and suddenly we seem to be tilting backwards. The smooth wood of the practice floor slips out from under my feet and we both lose our balance. Feeling myself tilt, I scrabble to grab anything I can a split second before a solid crack of pain goes shooting through the back of my skull as we hit the mirror and collapse into a pile on the floor.
"Fuck." I'm cursing as I reach up to feel the back of my head, certain that I'm going to find a knot or blood or something. Instead, when I blink my eyes open, I feel an unexpected wave of heat. Kevin is sitting in my lap, his legs splayed over my own hips and thighs. We're tangled together, chests, hips and legs pressed together. His face is less than half an inch from mine, so close that I can practically taste his breath.
Kevin seems to realize our proximity at the same time. "Sorry! Sorry, I just..."
We both scramble apart, trying to untangle ourselves. All that seems to do is send us sprawling again. I let out a groan as my head collides with the wall, sending a new wave of pain through me. I seriously think I've got a bump now, and I should probably do something about that. Get an ice pack or something, I'm not sure, but--
"Ah!"
Kevin's voice against the background of our still-playing music draws me out of my own thoughts. I look up just in time to see him try to stand up only to fall over again. He huddles on the floor, holding one of his ankles with both hands.
In an instant, I'm by his side, the pain in my head all but forgotten. "Hey, are you okay?"
"It hurts," he mumbles, wincing slightly as he runs his hand over his ankle. "I think I twisted it."
A twisted ankle can be a big problem for us. "Let me see."
He moves his hands away and bites his lip as I push his pant leg up a little way. A quick inspection of the damage tells me that nothing is broken, but it's already starting to swell. He needs an ice pack worse than I do.
Rolling his pant leg back down, I pat my knee and get to my feet. "You'll be fine, but you should probably stay off it for a while."
Kevin nods and follows my lead, getting gingerly to his feet. He tries to take a step and fails, stumbling. I manage to catch him before he hits the ground. He smile sheepishly, embarrassed. "Sorry."
"I think maybe we've had enough practice for today," I tell him, offering a grin. "Come on, I'll drive you home."
Kevin is blushing. Despite that, he nods in agreement. "Okay. Let's go."
Kevin's house is completely quiet as we make our way inside. No one else is home yet, and there's something nice about not having to deal with his family right now. I think he's a little more at ease, too, as I help him through the front door. He guides the both of us towards the living room.
Taking a seat on the couch, Kevin smiles sheepishly as I look down and try to decide on a course of action. I had hoped that he might start feeling better on the ride over here, but I can tell that he's still in pain.
"Where's your first aid kit?" I ask. "Might as well get that taken care of."
"My room," he tells me. He's blushing again, but this time I think he's uneasy. I've been to his house before, even in his room, but never without someone else here. Usually several someones. "The cabinet under the nightstand. There's athletic tape next to the box."
Turning, I make my way down the hall. I try my best not to look around his room more than I have to, kneeling on the floor to retrieve the first aid kit and the mentioned tape.
When I get back to the living room, he is still sitting on the couch. His pant leg has been rolled up to his knee. There's a look on his face that tells me that he's uncomfortable, but I'm not really certain whether that's from the injury or if maybe he's starting to become uncomfortable with me being here. Maybe he just doesn't like having to ask for help; he's more independent than most people think.
"You sure you don't want me to take you to a doctor or something?" This is the third time I've asked something like that since we left the practice room. He keeps telling me that he doesn't want anything. We did grab takeout at his insistence, and for some reason I'm focusing on the small spot of sauce still clinging to the skin by his lips.
Kevin offers me a small smile and shakes his head. "I'm sure. You don't even have to do this if you don't want to."
"Don't worry about it." Taking a seat next to the couch, I examine his ankle again. Swollen and tender, but it's not even as bad as I thought it was half an hour ago. He'll be fine, but there's no harm in being cautious. Without further ado, I get to work wrapping it, being care to make the tape tight enough to support without cutting off circulation.
Kevin watches me work quietly, humming softly when the thin fabric of the athletic tape tightens on something sensitive. "I want to ask you a question," he says.
Barely looking up, I respond, "What is it?"
"Why do you want to do a movie night?" He sounds genuinely confused. "This Thursday, I mean. You don't usually do stuff like that."
That's a good question, but I'm not sure whether or not I actually want to answer. While getting closer to Eli was one of the goals, I had ulterior motives. There's no real point in brushing Kevin off, though. I might as well try to be honest. "I wanted to spend some time with you guys. And... Eli and I had a fight. I figured this might be a nice way to apologize."
There's a look on his face that tells me that he really didn't know about the fight. Maybe Eli doesn't remember, or maybe he just didn't feel the need to tell Kevin when he was asking him out.
That thought is surprisingly bitter, which catches me off-guard. I bite my tongue, pushing the thought away and trying to smile instead. The smile turns into surprise when Kevin asks another question.
"What did you fight about?"
Even if I wanted to, I don't know if I can actually answer. What am I supposed to say, that Eli wants him and I had a problem with that even though I... shouldn't have a problem? There's no way I'm telling him that. He is what we had the fight over, and it wasn't actually a fight. At least, Eli didn't think so.
"It wasn't really a fight." That's the best I can come up with on short notice. Probably the best thing I can come up with at all. "It was more of a misunderstanding."
Silence meets my response. I wonder if he can read past the words. He isn't stupid, and I'm sure he's picked up on a little of my tension. Even if he has, he doesn't poke at it or try to dig any deeper. Not really. I appreciate that.
"So if you're apologizing," he says slowly as if contemplating something, "why is Eli bringing pizza?"
Tying off the last of the athletic tape, I grin at him. "Sorriness only goes so far."
That gets me a smile. I smile back as I tug his pant leg back down over the make-shift bandage. "You're all set, I think. Do you want an ice pack or something?"
"That would be nice," he says softly. "There are some baggies in the kitchen. Far left-hand drawer."
Getting back to my feet, I make my way to the kitchen and locate the baggies. Filling the bag with ice from the freezer, I grab a dish towel and wrap the pack so that it won't be too cold. Making my way back out to the living room, I hold it out to him.
"Thank you for this," Kevin says, taking the pack from my hand. "I'm not usually this clumsy."
"Don't worry about it." That's the only response I can give. He really doesn't need to thank me. I don't mind helping him out and, after all, our dance practices were there to help me. "I'm just glad we finally got the routine down."
Kevin's face lights up. "We did. You did."
"Thanks for that."
My thank-you doesn't leave much for him to say, and the silence between us is starting to turn from friendly to awkward. I didn't realize how comfortable I felt just spending time with him, even if it was to help with a twisted ankle. Now that there's nothing left for me to do and it's time to leave, I'm left hanging.
"I guess I should be getting home," I say, scratching my head. "Is there anything else I can get you before I go?"
Kevin shakes his head and shifts on the couch, looking up at me. "No, I'm good." He hesitates. "Are you sure you don't want to stay for a while?"
Yeah, I do want to stay. That's enough to tell me that I need to say no. Our friendship is still developing. Right now, I can't push that. I shouldn't want to agree so easily and I know it.
Shaking my head, I slide my hands into my pockets. "No, sorry. I've got some stuff that I need to do."
With that and a kind good-bye, I turn and make my way out of his house.
Home at my own apartment, the empty rooms are surprisingly lonely. There's an easy reminder that I won't be alone for long waiting for me on the kitchen table. As I set my keys down, I pick up the small slip of paper that has a note on it.
Don't wait up. I'm working a late shift and won't be home until two.
I think Eli might have been right when he said that she's practically living with me. She's here more often than not. I guess I just haven't thought about it much. Sooner or later, I should probably sit her down and talk to her about that.
Looking at the paper again, I crumple it halfway and drop it back onto the table before making my way into the living room. Collapsing on the couch, I let out a hefty sigh.
This is the first time that I've really sat down since we were in the practice room. Not counting the car, I mean. The first chance I've had to think. Kevin twisted his ankle, and I'm still a little concerned, but that isn't what I'm thinking about. Instead, my thoughts are entirely focused on the mess of a pile we fell into. I have no idea how he wound up in my lap, and I don't really care. That lasted for maybe a few seconds, and it's burned into my memory. It's been months since I've felt that kind of electricity, and it all came from a stupid accident.
I know I shouldn't be thinking like this. Even though we were pushed together so rudely, I was still completely comfortable with him. Not just then, but afterwards. Being comfortable around him is fine. Great, even. But it shouldn't feel like that. Like maybe having him that close would be okay. Neither of us meant for it to happen, but having him close like that, it felt right. Right, if Kevin weren't injured. Right, if he had actually wanted to be close like that. Right, if I wasn't over him and he wasn't dating my best friend.
All of these thoughts are too much for me to stomach. Kevin and I had something once, but that time is past. That relationship is past, and I can't let it eat away at me like this. We're friends. That's all this can ever be, all it should be. That's all I want. I'll keep telling myself that until it's true.
Maybe I should stop these extra practices with him. That might help. That way, we won't be alone together and I won't have to try to focus on something else. No risk of another accident like earlier today. It's not like there's much of a point to those private meetings anyway, it's not like there's enough of them left to make a difference. And we've already figured out the routine. Now it just sounds like I'm coming up with excuses.
My thoughts are interrupted by a knock at the front door. Looking up, I can see my girlfriend's silhouette coming in through the door. It's barely past seven. She got off a lot earlier than expected, and that's all the reminder I need that I need to focus on what matters now. Kevin is the past, but this is my present. I've got exactly what I need right here, and that's a lot more important than some worries I might have about my own problematic feelings. I'll just keep telling myself that and hope that I start believing it.
Rating: PG
Pairing: JaeVin, ElVin (mentioned)
Chapter: 12/17
Summary: Kevin Woo has resigned. AJ is left with the knowledge that he was not alone in his feelings for the other man and it nearly destroys him. Taking a chance, he follows Kevin to San Francisco in order to try and reclaim the only thing that has ever meant anything to him.
Clinking glasses and quiet conversation fill the air of the restaurant. There's some kind of music playing with lyrics in at least three languages, but I'm not really paying attention. I'm lost in my own thoughts as I watch the bubbles float up through my drink.
A warm hand squeezes my own and I manage to pull my thoughts back into focus. Automatically, I look up and offer a small smile to my girlfriend. She's sitting across the table, looking at me with clear worry on her face. We were talking. I'm sure we were, but I don't remember what about. Maybe her parents' dinner this weekend, or work. It was probably work. I'm not sure.
"Are you okay?" she asks, and I can hear the concern in her voice.
Shaking my head, I hope she can't read past the look on my face. "I'm fine. Sorry for zoning out on you."
That's a plain lie. I'm aware of it, but she probably isn't. We may be together, but she's usually in the dark about anything in my life. She's always busy with her job, her friends. Her life. I've realized that more lately than I ever have before. My problems aren't the sort of thing she would want to hear about. She wants to know if I'm okay tonight and I'll tell her that I am, but that term hasn't really applied to me for days.
She squeezes my hand again before pulling it back and returning to her meal. "You need to rest more. You're going to get sick if you keep this up."
"Yeah," I agree, "you're right. I'll try to rest up."
With that brief conversation, I turn my attention back to my own food and drink. It's not like me to tune out in the middle of a conversation. That's doubly true with her, and I'm mildly embarrassed that my thoughts wandered off on me. Time to pay attention, I guess. After all, we hardly ever get to go out for dinner due to our schedules.
She says something about a meeting that she has at work later tonight. I respond with some meaningless pleasantries. For the first time in a long time, when I smile back at her, it's fake.
Dinner ends and she takes a cab back to her place. Rather than getting a ride myself, I decide to walk back to my apartment. It's a little far, but tonight I kind of feel like I could use the fresh air.
Walking down the sidewalk, it's not our meaningless conversation that I'm thinking about. It's the fact that she thinks that I need more rest. She's right, of course. We're constantly on the go. No matter how busy our days are now, though, this is nothing compared to what it will be like once we start with the actual promotions. I should make use of my free time while I still have some. The best way to do that is probably the one way I've been neglecting lately. I should spend more time with my friends outside of work.
Slipping a hand into my pocket, I fish out my cell phone and dial Eli's number. Even though it's only been a few weeks, it feels like it's been forever since he and I hung out together. It's definitely time to fix that.
The phone rings several times. I figure that Eli's letting it go to voice mail, but then there's a click on the other end.
"Hello?" Eli says. All it takes is one word for me to hear that he's distracted.
"You okay?" I'm wondering if I've called at a bad time. Usually, he's pretty happy to hear from me.
"Yeah, man. I'm better than fine," Eli replies. The distraction is still in his voice, but I can hear excitement there, too. I grin at the phone as Eli chats with someone just out of range of the phone. Maybe he's trying to make the most of his free time, too.
"That's great."
Eli turns his attention back to my phone call. "Sorry, I'm a little distracted. What's up?"
"Thursday night. Are you free?" I ask. "I was thinking we could hang out at my place, watch a movie or something. Maybe get some take-out. We could invite some of the others if you want."
I can hear him chatting off to the side of the phone again. Yeah, he's definitely not alone. Is he hanging out at a bar tonight or something? I can't hear any music playing, and it doesn't seem that loud wherever he is.
"Sure." Eli laughs, and the laughter gets louder as he turns his attention back to the phone. "That sounds awesome. Can we invite Kevin?"
"Kevin?" Why just Kevin? "Sure, I guess. Do y--"
"Sorry, but I gotta go. We're about to head into the theater." Theater. That explains where he is.
"Who's 'we'?"
Eli lets out another laugh into the phone. "Me and Kevin. Gotta go!"
The phone clicks into silence. I pull back, staring at it as it sits harmlessly in my hand. There's the smallest bit of nausea stirring in my stomach as I take in his response. He and Kevin are out watching a movie. That thought shouldn't bother me. I know that as well as anybody. What Eli and Kevin do isn't my business.
My personal resolution to pull my nose out of Eli and Kevin's business makes things easier. It's Tuesday afternoon and I'm feeling much more at ease. Our last few private practice sessions have been going pretty smoothly, but we're picking up the pace. My feet are finally figuring out how to move without screwing anyone else up. Between that and the fact that we're almost out of time, I've been busting my ass. I think that Kevin and I are both ready to be done with this routine.
"Ready?" Kevin says, grinning at me as he sets up the radio to play the song again. He's breathing heavily; this is the third time we've gone through it on our own today, and that's not counting the group practice we had earlier. These private sessions are exhausting and frustrating as hell, but I'm grateful for the help. We're making progress and that makes all the strain worth it.
Taking another long drink of water, I wipe my mouth with the back of my hand. Setting the bottle down, I grin. "Yeah, I'm ready. Let me get into position."
Kevin nods. As soon as I'm in place, the music starts and he comes to stand next to me. It's only about thirty seconds of routine, but every move and motion seems to take forever. I lose myself completely to the rhythm.
And then I realize it.
I did it. I actually got through the problematic section! The music winds up, and I'm panting at the same time that I'm laughing. Kevin is laughing, too. He claps his hands together, applauding as he tries to catch his breath. "You did it!"
"I didn't hit you at all?" I ask skeptically. Did I actually get it right?
Kevin shakes his head. "Nope."
"Holy shit." A wave of elation washes through me as I realize that I've actually managed to get the routine right. "I did it!"
Reaching up, I intercept a high five and let out a shout. Kevin beams at me as we both rest. We don't need to say what we're thinking. Our hard work is finally paying off, albeit a bit later than it should have. Everybody else already knows the dance, and none of them have nearly as many issues with it as I do. Doesn't matter. Right now, I'm king of the world.
Kevin watches me, his eyes smiling along with the rest of him. I return the gaze until things start to feel a little awkward. I don't think I'm the only one feeling the oddness. Kevin pulls back, standing up a little straighter.
"Come on," he tells me. "One more time."
"Again?" I ask, wondering if we'll be able to duplicate success.
He just grins at me. "Again. It's no good if you just do it once."
"Okay, okay. Reset the music." Brushing a little sweat off of my forehead, I move back into position. The CD player starts up and I hear the familiar sounds of Kevin scanning through the song until we get to the right section. Then, before I know it, we're going through it again. It's not that difficult, really. There's a slide and a turn. A few easy motions and my hand lands up his waist as we build the chain that was causing me so much trouble before. So simple, I don't know why I thought it was hard.
As soon as the section finishes, I turn to go into the next set of moves, but Kevin stops and starts clapping. He's grinning ear to ear and I can hear his shout even before I stop moving.
"You did it! You've really got it!" he shouts. I think he's almost more excited about this than I am, but I don't care. We're both laughing as the song plays on in the background.
"I think I do have it," I tell him.
I raise my hand for another high five, but I'm completely caught off-guard by Kevin pulling me into a loose hug instead. He pats me hard on the back as we revel in our success. I guess it's kind of stupid to be so excited about figuring out such a tiny segment of routine, but I feel completely relieved.
After a moment's hesitation, I return the hug. At the same time, Kevin pulls back a bit and suddenly we seem to be tilting backwards. The smooth wood of the practice floor slips out from under my feet and we both lose our balance. Feeling myself tilt, I scrabble to grab anything I can a split second before a solid crack of pain goes shooting through the back of my skull as we hit the mirror and collapse into a pile on the floor.
"Fuck." I'm cursing as I reach up to feel the back of my head, certain that I'm going to find a knot or blood or something. Instead, when I blink my eyes open, I feel an unexpected wave of heat. Kevin is sitting in my lap, his legs splayed over my own hips and thighs. We're tangled together, chests, hips and legs pressed together. His face is less than half an inch from mine, so close that I can practically taste his breath.
Kevin seems to realize our proximity at the same time. "Sorry! Sorry, I just..."
We both scramble apart, trying to untangle ourselves. All that seems to do is send us sprawling again. I let out a groan as my head collides with the wall, sending a new wave of pain through me. I seriously think I've got a bump now, and I should probably do something about that. Get an ice pack or something, I'm not sure, but--
"Ah!"
Kevin's voice against the background of our still-playing music draws me out of my own thoughts. I look up just in time to see him try to stand up only to fall over again. He huddles on the floor, holding one of his ankles with both hands.
In an instant, I'm by his side, the pain in my head all but forgotten. "Hey, are you okay?"
"It hurts," he mumbles, wincing slightly as he runs his hand over his ankle. "I think I twisted it."
A twisted ankle can be a big problem for us. "Let me see."
He moves his hands away and bites his lip as I push his pant leg up a little way. A quick inspection of the damage tells me that nothing is broken, but it's already starting to swell. He needs an ice pack worse than I do.
Rolling his pant leg back down, I pat my knee and get to my feet. "You'll be fine, but you should probably stay off it for a while."
Kevin nods and follows my lead, getting gingerly to his feet. He tries to take a step and fails, stumbling. I manage to catch him before he hits the ground. He smile sheepishly, embarrassed. "Sorry."
"I think maybe we've had enough practice for today," I tell him, offering a grin. "Come on, I'll drive you home."
Kevin is blushing. Despite that, he nods in agreement. "Okay. Let's go."
Kevin's house is completely quiet as we make our way inside. No one else is home yet, and there's something nice about not having to deal with his family right now. I think he's a little more at ease, too, as I help him through the front door. He guides the both of us towards the living room.
Taking a seat on the couch, Kevin smiles sheepishly as I look down and try to decide on a course of action. I had hoped that he might start feeling better on the ride over here, but I can tell that he's still in pain.
"Where's your first aid kit?" I ask. "Might as well get that taken care of."
"My room," he tells me. He's blushing again, but this time I think he's uneasy. I've been to his house before, even in his room, but never without someone else here. Usually several someones. "The cabinet under the nightstand. There's athletic tape next to the box."
Turning, I make my way down the hall. I try my best not to look around his room more than I have to, kneeling on the floor to retrieve the first aid kit and the mentioned tape.
When I get back to the living room, he is still sitting on the couch. His pant leg has been rolled up to his knee. There's a look on his face that tells me that he's uncomfortable, but I'm not really certain whether that's from the injury or if maybe he's starting to become uncomfortable with me being here. Maybe he just doesn't like having to ask for help; he's more independent than most people think.
"You sure you don't want me to take you to a doctor or something?" This is the third time I've asked something like that since we left the practice room. He keeps telling me that he doesn't want anything. We did grab takeout at his insistence, and for some reason I'm focusing on the small spot of sauce still clinging to the skin by his lips.
Kevin offers me a small smile and shakes his head. "I'm sure. You don't even have to do this if you don't want to."
"Don't worry about it." Taking a seat next to the couch, I examine his ankle again. Swollen and tender, but it's not even as bad as I thought it was half an hour ago. He'll be fine, but there's no harm in being cautious. Without further ado, I get to work wrapping it, being care to make the tape tight enough to support without cutting off circulation.
Kevin watches me work quietly, humming softly when the thin fabric of the athletic tape tightens on something sensitive. "I want to ask you a question," he says.
Barely looking up, I respond, "What is it?"
"Why do you want to do a movie night?" He sounds genuinely confused. "This Thursday, I mean. You don't usually do stuff like that."
That's a good question, but I'm not sure whether or not I actually want to answer. While getting closer to Eli was one of the goals, I had ulterior motives. There's no real point in brushing Kevin off, though. I might as well try to be honest. "I wanted to spend some time with you guys. And... Eli and I had a fight. I figured this might be a nice way to apologize."
There's a look on his face that tells me that he really didn't know about the fight. Maybe Eli doesn't remember, or maybe he just didn't feel the need to tell Kevin when he was asking him out.
That thought is surprisingly bitter, which catches me off-guard. I bite my tongue, pushing the thought away and trying to smile instead. The smile turns into surprise when Kevin asks another question.
"What did you fight about?"
Even if I wanted to, I don't know if I can actually answer. What am I supposed to say, that Eli wants him and I had a problem with that even though I... shouldn't have a problem? There's no way I'm telling him that. He is what we had the fight over, and it wasn't actually a fight. At least, Eli didn't think so.
"It wasn't really a fight." That's the best I can come up with on short notice. Probably the best thing I can come up with at all. "It was more of a misunderstanding."
Silence meets my response. I wonder if he can read past the words. He isn't stupid, and I'm sure he's picked up on a little of my tension. Even if he has, he doesn't poke at it or try to dig any deeper. Not really. I appreciate that.
"So if you're apologizing," he says slowly as if contemplating something, "why is Eli bringing pizza?"
Tying off the last of the athletic tape, I grin at him. "Sorriness only goes so far."
That gets me a smile. I smile back as I tug his pant leg back down over the make-shift bandage. "You're all set, I think. Do you want an ice pack or something?"
"That would be nice," he says softly. "There are some baggies in the kitchen. Far left-hand drawer."
Getting back to my feet, I make my way to the kitchen and locate the baggies. Filling the bag with ice from the freezer, I grab a dish towel and wrap the pack so that it won't be too cold. Making my way back out to the living room, I hold it out to him.
"Thank you for this," Kevin says, taking the pack from my hand. "I'm not usually this clumsy."
"Don't worry about it." That's the only response I can give. He really doesn't need to thank me. I don't mind helping him out and, after all, our dance practices were there to help me. "I'm just glad we finally got the routine down."
Kevin's face lights up. "We did. You did."
"Thanks for that."
My thank-you doesn't leave much for him to say, and the silence between us is starting to turn from friendly to awkward. I didn't realize how comfortable I felt just spending time with him, even if it was to help with a twisted ankle. Now that there's nothing left for me to do and it's time to leave, I'm left hanging.
"I guess I should be getting home," I say, scratching my head. "Is there anything else I can get you before I go?"
Kevin shakes his head and shifts on the couch, looking up at me. "No, I'm good." He hesitates. "Are you sure you don't want to stay for a while?"
Yeah, I do want to stay. That's enough to tell me that I need to say no. Our friendship is still developing. Right now, I can't push that. I shouldn't want to agree so easily and I know it.
Shaking my head, I slide my hands into my pockets. "No, sorry. I've got some stuff that I need to do."
With that and a kind good-bye, I turn and make my way out of his house.
Home at my own apartment, the empty rooms are surprisingly lonely. There's an easy reminder that I won't be alone for long waiting for me on the kitchen table. As I set my keys down, I pick up the small slip of paper that has a note on it.
Don't wait up. I'm working a late shift and won't be home until two.
I think Eli might have been right when he said that she's practically living with me. She's here more often than not. I guess I just haven't thought about it much. Sooner or later, I should probably sit her down and talk to her about that.
Looking at the paper again, I crumple it halfway and drop it back onto the table before making my way into the living room. Collapsing on the couch, I let out a hefty sigh.
This is the first time that I've really sat down since we were in the practice room. Not counting the car, I mean. The first chance I've had to think. Kevin twisted his ankle, and I'm still a little concerned, but that isn't what I'm thinking about. Instead, my thoughts are entirely focused on the mess of a pile we fell into. I have no idea how he wound up in my lap, and I don't really care. That lasted for maybe a few seconds, and it's burned into my memory. It's been months since I've felt that kind of electricity, and it all came from a stupid accident.
I know I shouldn't be thinking like this. Even though we were pushed together so rudely, I was still completely comfortable with him. Not just then, but afterwards. Being comfortable around him is fine. Great, even. But it shouldn't feel like that. Like maybe having him that close would be okay. Neither of us meant for it to happen, but having him close like that, it felt right. Right, if Kevin weren't injured. Right, if he had actually wanted to be close like that. Right, if I wasn't over him and he wasn't dating my best friend.
All of these thoughts are too much for me to stomach. Kevin and I had something once, but that time is past. That relationship is past, and I can't let it eat away at me like this. We're friends. That's all this can ever be, all it should be. That's all I want. I'll keep telling myself that until it's true.
Maybe I should stop these extra practices with him. That might help. That way, we won't be alone together and I won't have to try to focus on something else. No risk of another accident like earlier today. It's not like there's much of a point to those private meetings anyway, it's not like there's enough of them left to make a difference. And we've already figured out the routine. Now it just sounds like I'm coming up with excuses.
My thoughts are interrupted by a knock at the front door. Looking up, I can see my girlfriend's silhouette coming in through the door. It's barely past seven. She got off a lot earlier than expected, and that's all the reminder I need that I need to focus on what matters now. Kevin is the past, but this is my present. I've got exactly what I need right here, and that's a lot more important than some worries I might have about my own problematic feelings. I'll just keep telling myself that and hope that I start believing it.