Inevitable - Part One
Fandom: UKISS
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: SooHoon, mentions of HoonSeop
Word Count: 15,089
Summary: Soohyun looks back over the history of his relationship with Hoon while they wait to meet with management.
A clock ticked loudly somewhere in the cold air of the lobby. That sound, the only sound, was still not loud enough to drown out the noise of Soohyun's thoughts as he tried to calm them. He hated this place. He hated the fact that he had been summoned there, and he dreaded what was to come. Even so, he had known from the very moment everything had begun that this would be inevitable.
And finally, there he was.
This was not one of the large, polished offices that the company enjoyed showing to potential clients and employees. No posters or awards decorated the walls. The paint and plaster were dull, the carpeting cheap and scratchy. Even the chairs were lacking, the upholstery covered with cloth rather than leather. The plant in the corner, half-wilted, seemed to be an afterthought by an underpaid secretary.
Deep breaths did little to calm his worry. He knew that he had to pull himself together. Having a level head was more important; this was not the time to lose his cool. Not now. Everything rested on whatever would transpire over the course of the next few hours.
At his side, Soohyun could feel the presence the person next to him. Even though the air in the room was chilly, Hoon's leg was warm against his. Not one word was said about their coming together. They simply had. And so there they sat, each one taking strength in the other's presence.
Ever reassuring, Hoon patted his back, rubbing his fingers in soft circles as they sat together.
"Just breathe," Hoon murmured. "Calm down. It's going to be fine."
Slowly, Soohyun did as he was told. He flexed his fingers, willing himself to relax. Easier said than done.
"I'm sorry that all of this is happening," Soohyun said.
Hoon let out a quiet sigh. Soohyun did not have to ask why; he had apologized a dozen times before. Through the past week, as the meeting had approached, it had become almost routine whenever they had to discuss the subject. There was no need. Even if an apology had been appropriate, it was too late for simple words to fix the problem. This day and everything that would result from it were the consequences of decisions that he had made long ago.
"You know you don't need to say that," Hoon responded quietly. "I chose to be here. I'm not going anywhere. I've been here since the beginning, haven't I? Do you remember?"
"Yeah, I remember."
~
The volume inside of the room turned up a notch as Soohyun stepped into the familiar offices of the media company. He was late, though only barely. He knew that he should have been on time, but the delay had been unavoidable. Still, the friendly smiles of the people around him told him that his late arrival was not problematic. After all, this was a casual get-together. The business side of things would come later, in a day or two when the paperwork had to be signed and things made more official. Just then, it was just time to meet the new members.
Within five minutes, their usual manager had found him. Smiling politely, Soohyun greeted him and ran through all of the usual pleasantries. He was still adjusting to his new role as leader of U-KISS. All of these formalities seemed much more troublesome than just introducing everyone as a group.
With the proper niceties addressed, the real reason for the meeting approached. Kim Jaeseop was a familiar face. He greeted Soohyun with a smile. Soohyun shook his hand, bowing politely as all the right introductions were made. Those words were just for show; there was no real need to introduce the two of them. After all, they were label mates. Soohyun could fondly remember the last time that U-KISS and Paran had worked together. They had hit things off well enough then, and there had been plenty of promise in the bond that they had formed even before Kibum and Alexander had been taken away from their ranks. AJ was a friend. Now, he was going to become practically family.
Soohyun was satisfied with the decision to bring AJ in as a member of U-KISS. He desperately missed the two members that had let, but he knew that change was inevitable. This time, he hoped, it would be for the better. Not only was AJ a friend, he was also talented. While his vocals needed work, Soohyun had confidence that he would help the rest of them improve in other areas.
With a smile and a polite nod, Soohyun pulled away and continued to mingle. He had expected that someone would introduce him to the other new member, the one that he only knew by name. However, no one made any effort to do so. Instead, the mystery person took the initiative upon himself.
"Nice to meet you," he said, voice slightly breathless. "My name is Yeo Hoonmin. We'll be working together from now on, so please take care of me."
That was the very first impression that Soohyun had of Hoon. He was not at all what the leader had expected. The man in front of him was nervous, trying to cover it up with a too-warm smile and a show of bravery. Even his appearance was not what Soohyun had pictured. His features were plain, his face chubby. He was hardly the stick-thin embodiment of male beauty that the fan girls screamed over. He was just a person, someone that you might see on the street. He wondered why the company had chosen to hire someone who was so very different from the standard they had initially aimed for.
Offering a smile, Soohyun held out his hand. "I'm Soohyun. Welcome to U-KISS."
"Thanks. You can call me Hoon." His smile was returned with another, this one more genuine.
Even though they had just met, Soohyun felt okay with the newcomer. He liked the way that Hoon said hello and he admired the way that he had introduced himself. Maybe working with someone like that would not be so bad.
~
Back in the present, Soohyun sat up a little straighter in his chair. Even then, Hoon was regarding him with that same falsely strong expression. He had seen it countless times, whenever one or both of them was afraid. Someone had to hold the fort. Hoon would put on his best face whenever Soohyun needed strength but had none left to give himself.
Soohyun could not help but feel a surge of gratitude towards the other man for everything that he had given him. He hated the situation in which he found himself. Everything about it was a threat, a serious problem for both of them. If he had so desired, Hoon could have declined to come. Instead, he was right there at his side. Soohyun was glad that he was not alone. He needed to know that there was someone else to help shoulder the burden, to hold the weight of the world beside him.
"How do you do it?" He asked softly.
Hoon looked at him curiously. "What do you mean?"
"You're doing it now, too. You always see the bright side of things," Soohyun explained. "You're always positive. How do you do it?"
In response, some of the false bravery on Hoon's face fell away. The bravado that he put on for everyday wear was gone, letting a little of the sad smile behind it shine through.
"Soohyun," he said, "I know you're worried, but whatever happens in that office doesn't really matter."
Those were the last words that Soohyun needed to hear. Looking at Hoon as though he had lost his mind, the leader shrank in on himself slightly. "Do you have any idea how serious this is? Hoon, we could walk out of there without jobs. They could fire us on the spot if they wanted. And something like this, we'd never get another j--"
"It doesn't matter." Hoon's words were firm as they cut him off. Soohyun stared at him. "Nothing's happened yet. There's no reason to jump to conclusions. Even if it does, we'll still be here, won't we? We'll figure it out."
"I'll figure it out," Soohyun mumbled, glancing away. The words were heavier on his tongue than he had intended. They had a bad taste like gum he had worried at for too long.
"You don't always have to be like that."
The words startled Soohyun out of his inner thoughts. Looking up, he asked, "Like what?"
"The leader. You don't always have to be strong, you know." Reaching out, Hoon smoothed back some of Soohyun's hair, pushing it out of the leader's eyes with care. "You can lean on me if you need to. I won't let you down."
The simple words and soft touch brought a smile to Soohyun's face. Reaching out, he took Hoon's hand in his own. Fingers brushed, coming together and intertwining as he let out a soft breath. He had never really wanted support, and yet Hoon had offered it. That small, simple fact had remained a constant for longer than he realized.
~
Standing outside of the practice room, Soohyun cursed his luck. Inside, only a few feet away, he could hear the sounds of the others talking and laughing as they warmed up. He knew that he needed to go into the gym and get things started. They never seemed to be able to organize themselves without him. Practice would be a moot point until someone took control and got everybody on track. He wanted to go in, but he couldn't. Leaning to the left, he looked down at his right ankle and muttered under his breath. He wished the words were enough to take some of the pain away.
Of all the days for something to go awry, he should have known it would be then. Only the day before, Soohyun had lectured all of the members about skipping practices due to minor injuries, late breakfasts, hangovers or a lack of sleep. Considering that a lack of sleep had contributed to his own minor injury, the last thing he wanted was to have to tell them that they would be useless for practice.
Silently, he found himself wishing that their schedule had involved a vocal rehearsal rather than dancing. No amount of wishful thinking was going to get him out of the situation in which he found himself.
Testing to see if the foot could hold his weight, he let out another string of curses. There was no hope; sooner or later, he was just going to have to go in there and admit it.
The door to the gym opened as that thought crossed his mind. Still laughing at something that one of the others had said Hoon stepped out into the hallway. Soohyun watched as the door slid closed behind him. Hoon began to walk away, but paused. Turning, he came to a halt as he saw Soohyun.
"You okay?" he asked. "You're running a bit late."
Nodding tersely, Soohyun agreed. "I'm fine, just need a minute or two and I'll be in."
Despite the words, he could see from the expression on Hoon's face that the other did not believe him. Some of the others might have, but this was the one person that Soohyun could not seem to get anything past. Somehow, Hoon always knew.
Taking a moment to look him up and down, Hoon frowned skeptically. "Did you hurt your ankle?"
With those few words, any hope of concealing the injury flew right out the window. He could try to deceive Hoon, but there was no real point or purpose in doing so. Letting out a sigh, he nodded. "Yeah, twisted the right one this morning. It hurts like hell. How could you tell?"
"The way you were standing," Hoon replied. "It just didn't look right. Let me see."
Without waiting for permission, Hoon stooped down to get a better look. Watching the mop of brown hair in front of him, Soohyun could barely feel the gentle pressure of the other's fingers as they pulled up his pant leg and prodded the injured flesh. The inspection lasted less than a minute before Hoon tugged the cloth back down and stood up.
"Sit on the bench for a minute. I'll be right back."
Soohyun watched curiously as Hoon stepped back into the practice room. Having nothing better to do, he decided to go ahead and follow the orders. Limping over to the wooden bench that sat against a wall, he stuck his leg out and tried to give it a momentary rest. He wondered idly if Hoon had gone to inform the others that he was injured or if he had something else in mind.
That question was answered as Hoon emerged from the gym several minutes later carrying his gym bag. Giving Soohyun an encouraging smile, he sat down on the floor in front of him and promptly peeled off the leader's shoe as though it was something he did every day.
"So," Hoon remarked, rolling Soohyun's sweatpants up once more, "do I even want to know how you did this?"
Wincing, Soohyun watched as the other man inspected his ankle once more. It was swollen and discolored, worse than it had been. The soft feeling of hands on his skin actually helped, the warmth soothing the injury.
"I tripped over my own feet this morning. Felt like an idiot for it too," Soohyun muttered.
Chuckling, Hoon set the foot down for a minute and fished a roll of athletic tape from his bag. "And you don't even know how to wrap your own ankle? That's definitely not good. It's not broken, though. You'll be fine. Just rest it for a couple of days. Keep your foot like this while I put this on."
"Rest it? I've got practice to lead," Soohyun said, holding as still as possible. His eyes traced the pattern as Hoon wrapped the brightly colored material around his foot and ankle, securing it so that it offered support and pressure.
Glancing up, Hoon frowned slightly. "You don't have to push yourself you know."
"I can't just bow out because of a problem with my ankle, Hoon."
"Who said you did? Just sit to the side for today and tomorrow. You can always keep an eye on us from there," the vocalist told him, finishing off his bandage work. Looking up at Soohyun's face, he smiled kindly. "You don't always have to be so strong."
~
Pulled out of his thoughts by the ticking of the clock, Soohyun looked up at the hands. There was not much time left before the dreaded meeting.
No matter how much he, Hoon or the other members tried to be self-sufficient and handle their own problems, it always came down to management in the end. He hated the fact that he did not have the confidence he knew he would need when facing them. Too many times before, he had found himself in this office or one just like it, having to stand up for one of his friends or co-workers as he paid for their mistakes. Now, the time was approaching when he would have to do the same for himself.
Looking at the man next to him, he found himself smiling at Hoon's strength. Who knew, maybe he was right. Even when Soohyun had failed, Hoon had always encouraged him to keep going. Together, they could accomplish anything. He had heard those words countless time. Each time, he had needed to hear them. Just then, he didn't have to hear the syllables to feel their strength. Maybe there was some truth to them, however simple they might be. He needed to believe that there was.
"Do you regret any of it?" Hoon asked, breaking the silence.
At the harmless question, Soohyun let out a laugh. The sound settled somewhere between being amused or humorless, his voice unable to find an easy medium.
"Regret it?" he said softly. "I never thought I'd have the chance to regret it."
The hand on his tightened. With that simple gesture, Hoon pulled Soohyun's gaze up to meet his own. Curiously, Hoon asked, "What do you mean?"
"You really don't know?" Soohyun asked, amazed when the other shook his head. He would have thought the answer was obvious. "I never thought I'd have you."
~
Cell phones. Soohyun hated them. Ordinarily, he didn't mind them. Just then, he was to the point of wishing them out of existence. He didn't care that the thought was illogical or that anyone else would have thought him crazy if he said it aloud. He didn't care about anything else, because that was all he could think about.
Standing in the kitchen, Soohyun tightened his fist around the glass of water on the counter in front of him and tried to block out the sound. He had poured the glass five minutes before but had not taken a drink. The sound of that stupid idiot chattering away on his cell phone made it impossible to do anything. All that Soohyun wanted to do was retreat to the living room, turn on a movie and relax. He couldn't. Hoon was sprawled all across the couch, chatting away with someone like no one else was around to hear him.
The lack of seating was not the reason that Soohyun hadn't gone out to the living room. The real reason was that he did not want to have to hear Hoon talking with her. Soohyun had no idea who the girl was, but it was definitely someone of the female persuasion. It was not as though Soohyun had tried to eavesdrop, it had just sort of happened that way. Really. And, even if he had been, it wasn't as though the conversation was private, was it? After all, Hoon was right out in the open while he talked.
No, talking was the wrong word for it. He was flirting. Half the words out of his mouth were stupid jokes and cheesy lines that irritated Soohyun like nothing else. Didn't he have any personal restraint? Any self-respect? Half of what he said was just too much for a man to say seriously in the first place. Someone had to draw the line somewhere.
Line after line of complaints ran through Soohyun's mind, each one less sensible than the one before. There was no point in denying why he was cranky. He was jealous. He knew that well enough. Something like that was not easy to ignore, especially when the object of his affections seemed to do everything possible to irritate that one particular emotion.
Jealousy did not matter, not even in the slightest. Neither did the fact that he was damn certain that he was in love with Hoon. After all, he already knew he could never act on it. There was no point in putting himself through the effort of telling the other how he felt and possibly ruining a friendship as a result. Hoon was straight. Straight, and probably taken, if the phone call he was in the middle of was any indication. Soohyun hadn't asked. He didn't want to know.
From somewhere out in the living room, he could hear Hoon cooing the last of his goodbyes. The words dripped with affection, almost sickeningly sweet. The singer never used that tone of voice with anyone else, for which Soohyun was incredibly glad. The pair was borderline ridiculous, only adding to his measure of embarrassment to his irritation.
Then, there was silence. Deciding that it was safe, Soohyun picked up his glass and made his way out to the living room. He wasted no time in crashing on the couch, splashing a little water onto his arm as he did so. Making a grab for the remote, he ignored the look that Hoon gave him.
"What's wrong?" Hoon asked, handing him the remote when Soohyun realized that it was too far for him to snatch by himself.
Grunting, Soohyun shook his head. "Nothing's wrong."
Without turning his head, he could picture the unconvinced look that he was certain Hoon wore. Somehow, even when the lies were flawless, Hoon still knew that he was not being truthful. Soohyun's heart ached dully, reminding him of the real reason he was upset. He wished that he could tell the other what was on his mind. He wished he could say everything that was dragging him down. He wanted to, but he could not.
"Soohyun..." Hoon's voice was soft, reluctant and slightly hurt. Soohyun knew that Hoon had no idea what was bothering him or why Soohyun hated overhearing those conversations.
With a sigh, Soohyun gave up. There was no point in grouching at Hoon. It wasn't his fault. Not really. "Sorry. Don't mean to be grumpy."
With a laugh, Hoon gave him a bright smile and slapped him on the back. Without hesitation, he leaned over and pulled the leader into a suffocating hug.
"If you're grumpy, let's watch something funny together," Hoon suggested, grinning hopefully. "Might cheer you up."
The warmth of Hoon's arms around him lingered just long enough to make an impression. They did nothing to help the feelings churning in his heart.
~
The sound of Hoon's laughter brought Soohyun back to the present. The sound was quiet, amused and honest. Soohyun was baffled. "What's so funny?"
"You really should have said something, you know," Hoon replied, still chuckling. "I don't know why you didn't."
Flushing slightly, Soohyun could not help the slight embarrassment he felt at the comment. "Why do you say that?"
Leaning against him, Hoon smiled. "I thought you would have figured it out ages ago. Most of those phone calls were staged; I wanted to see if I could get a reaction out of you."
"A reaction?" Soohyun arched an eyebrow. "Like what?"
"I was trying to make you jealous. I think it worked."
Of all the things that he and Hoon had talked about over the course of their relationship, that was news to Soohyun. The notion of Hoon's ridiculous, flowery conversations being used against him intentionally brought a smile to the leader's face.
Unable to repress a quiet laugh, he shook his head. "That seems like such a long time ago. Maybe I should have said something, but we're here now."
Silence filled the room, occupying all the space that their worries and concerns left empty. There was nothing uneasy about the quiet companionship. The unease around them only came from the anticipation of the unknown, a fear that neither of them could completely destroy.
"Soohyun?"
"What is it?"
"How long has it been?" Hoon asked quietly. "Since... we got together, I mean."
Soohyun let out an indelicate snort. "That's kind of a tactless question. Aren't you supposed to remember that sort of thing?"
Instantly, a flush crossed Hoon's cheeks. Pulling his hand away from Soohyun's, he smacked him playfully on the thigh. "That's not fair. You don't have any clue either, do you?"
The grin on Soohyun's face turned uncomfortable, the leader unwilling to admit that he wasn't much better with dates than Hoon. The span of time that had passed really had not mattered to him.
Unable to offer a satisfactory answer, he shrugged. "No. Not a clue. We never have sat down and figured it out, have we? Just know it was longer for me, that's all."
Drawing back, Hoon gave him a strange look. "Why do you say that it was longer for you?"
"Well," Soohyun said, "it was. I mean, probably just a couple of months after you joined. You made it impossible to avoid you. It was kind of hard to avoid... things."
Hearing the response, the smile Hoon's face fell a little. He let out a sigh. Soohyun looked at him quizzically, uncertain what part of his answer had been unsatisfactory.
"What's the matter?" Soohyun asked, automatically leaning towards Hoon as he moved backwards slightly.
Hoon shrugged. "That's one thing I still don't get about you. It still bothers me, you know."
"What does?" Soohyun was baffled.
"You're distant. You didn't respond to me when I first joined. Not for the longest time." Hoon ran his tongue across his top lip, thinking. "You still don't, half of the time. Not when people can see."
At that, Soohyun frowned. It was true. There was no denying it. For him, affection was best kept out of the public eye. When he really meant it, it was something that he only wanted to share with Hoon. Not strangers. Still, repeated requests for openness were something he had thought he was trying to accommodate.
Uneasily, he sank in on himself. "Yeah, maybe. Just a little. It still got me you, didn't it?"
~
Standing in the steamy locker room with nothing except a towel to protect his modesty, Soohyun could not believe that Hoon had chosen that moment to start an argument. He should have seen it coming. It was not like the tension had come out of nowhere. Little by little, the pressure had built all day, feeding off of countless moments that had happened for weeks before that. Soohyun had seen it, had felt the unhappiness that was building. He hoped that it would pass. Instead, it had led to this.
Some six feet away, Hoon had his hands balled into fists at his sides. They were clenched so tightly that the skin on his knuckles had turned white. His expression was fixed in an uncharacteristic frown, baby lips pouting as his brows knit together.
"Answer me, Soohyun," he said.
Looking away, Soohyun tried to avoid the painfully direct gaze. He hated confrontations like this. "I told you before, it doesn't matter. You shouldn't think about things so much."
Turning his back to Hoon, Soohyun tried to steady himself. He felt uneasy on his feet as he went about finishing his shower routine, sliding the shampoo bottle back into his duffel bag.
For a moment, only the sound of his pulse echoed in his ears, louder than he remembered. Then, he could hear the sound of someone breathing. He felt the heat of Hoon's hand on his shoulder as the other singer turned him around, not caring when the bag and its contents fell to the floor, scattering.
"I'm not going to leave until you tell me why." Hoon's face was only inches from his own, his emotions so strong that Soohyun could read them in every line on his skin. "It's not like it's that complicated. Why can't you just say it?"
The suddenness of the confrontation startled Soohyun. He stared at Hoon openly for a split second before he remembered that he was supposed to be feigning indifference. Pulling back into himself, he cleared his throat and straightened up, telling himself that he could handle the situation.
Letting his eyes slide away from Hoon's face, Soohyun turned back to his belongings. "I don't even know what you're on about, so I'm not sure what you expect me to say, Hoon."
"You're a really shitty liar, you know. You know exactly what I'm talking about."
For the first time since the argument had started, Soohyun looked back at Hoon and prayed that the other would misinterpret his lack of self-confidence as confusion. Apparently, he had.
With a sigh, Hoon dropped his hand to the side. "The others."
"What about them?" Soohyun asked, not taking his eyes off the vocalist. He knew the nonchalance in his attitude was failing him. Soon, Hoon would be able to see how difficult it was to remain impassive around him.
"You don't treat me the way you treat them," Hoon complained. "You're so damn close with all of them. Whether it's in private, or even just fan service. It's just... different. You'll touch them. You'll let them hug you. You'll actually give them the goddamn time of day."
"Hoon--"
"Let me finish. I'm so sick of seeing you treat them all like that when you give me the cold shoulder. At least the rest of them know you give a damn. I'm pretty sure you give a damn about me, too, but the way you act? It's impossible to tell. I can't figure it out, and its driving me crazy."
By the end of his tirade, Hoon was nearly breathless. Soohyun could feel his hand trembling on his shoulder. He had not pulled away, only tightened his grip as he had finally let loose everything that he had felt.
No matter how much Soohyun wanted to deny it, he would have been lying if he had said that Hoon was wrong. Hoon was right. He had made his point. Soohyun was well aware of the fact that he held himself back. He never gave in to what he really wanted. With all of the other members in the group, it was nothing but play. The touches and hugs were a way to get closer to friends that were more like a second family. Affection between companions and fan service were good for business.
With Hoon, it was more than just goofing off. It was something else entirely, hints and teases of something that Soohyun wanted more of. He had found himself thinking about it and longing for it more and more with each passing day. He knew how far he had already fallen, his heart giving itself away without his permission. He could not bring himself to give in, to touch Hoon the way that he wanted. He could not allow himself to hold him, to fall any more in love with him than he already had.
"We work together," Soohyun told him, his voice far rougher than he cared for. "We're co-workers. You shouldn't be thinking about things like that. It shouldn't matter whether I'm affectionate or not."
Whatever response Hoon had desired, that was not it. The hand on Soohyun's shoulder tightened. Then, as he tried to turn away, Soohyun found himself being forced to stand up straight. Hoon crowded his space, everything about him forcing the leader to move backwards, unable to fight the rough hold that the other had on him.
Even though Soohyun was the taller of the two, he felt an inch high under the intensity of Hoon's gaze. There was the space of a breath between them as their position registered in his mind. Then, Hoon crashed his lips down onto him, taking for himself the response that Soohyun would not give.
Everything was heat and sensation, each nerve in Soohyun's body focused on that single point of contact. He did not have the time or sense to react. He could not even give in or stop the kiss. Before he had the chance to decide what he wanted, Hoon pulled away. Dark eyes clouded with emotion stared back at him as Hoon waited for him to say something.
Soohyun opened his mouth to speak. Instead, a noise suspiciously like a squeak left his throat. He paused, swallowing, and then started again. Uncertainly, he let the words fall from his tongue without his guidance. "So, do you... like me or something?"
"No, you idiot leader," Hoon panted, exasperated. "I love you."
~
"You're wrong," Hoon told him, smiling gently. "You had me a long time before that happened. That was just when you realized it. I can't help that."
Leaning forward and taking another breath, Soohyun smiled at the memory. It was not one of his favorites, if only for the fact that moments like that were best when they involved more clothing than just a towel. That was one fact that they would probably always keep to themselves, regardless of what happened in the future.
The future. Soohyun glanced at the clock once more, a sense of unease creeping over him once more. There were only a few minutes left until the meeting. The sense of impending doom wiped the smile from his lips and turned him pensive once more. In his chest, he could feel his heart beating at an unnaturally slow rhythm, equally unwilling to speed up time.
No amount of words from Hoon could ease the discomfort that he felt. Glancing over at him, Soohyun could feel his resolve. Steadfast, reliable. They had talked about this possibility many times. Each time, Hoon had assured him that he was determined to see things through. That kind of resolution was lacking in the leader; his mind acknowledged that no amount of effort could save people sometimes. Even the best laid plans could go awry. As the leader of UKISS, he knew that very well.
"Are you ready for this?" he asked, holding Hoon's gaze.
"Yes," Hoon replied. There was no false cheer or amusement in his voice. "Try not to worry. Please."
Seeing the last of the false positivity leave Hoon's face, Soohyun felt somehow assured by the real emotion he could see in its place. He needed to know that he was not the only one who had trouble digesting their situation. There had been plenty of time to consider this inevitability. Now, they simply had to see it through.
"I guess it's a miracle things went on this long," Soohyun sighed. "We had a good run."
"You shouldn't say things like that, you know. It's not like anything is ending."
Soohyun's eyebrows lifted as he stared at the floor, giving a silent remark to Hoon's direction. "Maybe if we had told them ourselves it wouldn't have wound up like this. Might have lessened the blow a bit. I'm kind of surprised we weren't found out earlier honestly."
A snort from Hoon drew his attention. Soohyun looked up. Hoon smirked, clearly amused at his own train of thought.
Soohyun arched an eyebrow. "What?"
"Well, we were found out," Hoon pointed out. "Just not by management. Things didn't go so badly that time, did they?"
~
Panting, sweating and hot, Soohyun's mind was swimming. The only thing he could think about was the heat of Hoon's chest against his and the sounds of their heated breaths as the make-out session heated up. Letting out a whine, he pushed his head further back against the cushions of the couch, giving Hoon more skin to devour. The other man nibbled, sucked and kissed his way across the tanned flesh.
Struggling against the cushions, Soohyun shrugged the sleeve of his shirt off the rest of the way. Finally, their clothing count was down to pants only. Things felt so much better when it was just skin, when friction and the sound of Hoon's voice were everything.
Soohyun wanted more. He needed to lose himself completely in the other man. His hands slid down Hoon's body, tickling along lines of thick muscles and sweat as he reached down to grab his ass. Squeezing the muscle in his hands, he delighted in the moan that left Hoon's lips.
"God, H--"
Click.
Soohyun's hand stopped dead on its way to undoing the button of Hoon's jeans. Together, both men swiveled their heads to look at the front door. It was too early. Nobody as supposed to be home for hours. And yet, there, standing in the doorway, was Eli. Wide-eyed and mouth hanging open, he was getting the show of a lifetime. Standing stock-still, he had a front row view of the action taking place on the dorm couch.
No one moved. Then, the realization of what had happened must have struck home for Hoon. Even before his thoughts had cleared, Soohyun could feel him moving as he tried to straighten their clothing. A shirt was grabbed off the back of the couch as the vocalist sat up, coughing loudly and reaching down to fix his own trousers.
"We were just... and we fell over and--" Soohyun stammered, fishing for some sort of excuse that could be used to cover for what they had been doing.
The action came too late. Eli held up a hand, halfway signaling a hello and halfway blocking the two of them from view. Walking quickly, he vanished down the hallway. Even from the living room, Soohyun could hear the loud click of the door as it closed behind him.
"Shit." Soohyun scrambled to get to his feet. Tripping over his shirt on the floor, he fell into the wall. Not bothering to care, he reached down and tried to tug up the zipper on his pants as he stumbled down the hallway, wondering just how many telling hickeys Hoon had left on his chest and neck. He prayed Eli wouldn't notice. Or that, if he did, he'd think they were burns from a hair straightener or something.
Stumbling down the hallway, Soohyun fastened the two buttons on his jeans. Finishing the last one, he pounded on the door of the room that Eli shared with AJ. "Eli, it's not what it looks like. Open up."
"I don't want to think about what it looks like," Eli shouted, the words muffled by the wood.
"Just open the damn door."
Soohyun sighed, sagging against the door frame. Panic and a muted fear of consequences unknown were making his joints ache. This was a disaster. They should never have stayed in the living room. They shouldn't have even been out there in the first place. What was he supposed to say. If Eli decided to tell management, or even the other members, there would be hell to pay.
The door in front of him creaked open, the movement drawing his gaze. From the inch-wide gap, Eli looked out at him. He was blushing brightly. "What?"
There was no point in lying anymore. From experience, Soohyun knew that trying to mislead his friends would only make the situation worse. All the excuses he had given earlier were pointless. Taking a deep breath, he decided to try the best approach he knew.
"Look, sorry, we... weren't expecting anyone," Soohyun said, trying to meet Eli's eyes and failing miserably. Instead, he took to staring at a lamp in the corner of the room, barely visible through the doorway. "Hoon and I are--"
Once more, Eli held up his hand. This time it was clearly intended to stop Soohyun in the middle of his explanation. Still blushing, Eli stared at the door, avoiding his gaze, as well. "Don't worry about it."
"What?"
"I said don't worry about it," Eli repeated, clearly embarrassed. "Kind of already guessed..."
Soohyun blinked. "You're... okay with it?"
For once, Eli met his gaze. "Why wouldn't I be?"
"Well..." Pausing, Soohyun could not see why this was so hard for Eli to figure out. "We're gay."
"Yeah, I kind of figured that one out for myself."
"Oh."
"So," Eli said tentatively, biting his lip, "does that mean Kevin and I are okay, then?"
The words took a moment to register. They were overshadowed by the elation Soohyun felt at knowing that he didn't have to worry about their accidental discovery. As soon as they sank in, Soohyun took a step back. His worry turned to irritation.
The leader once more, Soohyun promptly started flailing his hands at the rapper. "Wait, what do you mean? Seriously? You should have told me!"
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: SooHoon, mentions of HoonSeop
Word Count: 15,089
Summary: Soohyun looks back over the history of his relationship with Hoon while they wait to meet with management.
A clock ticked loudly somewhere in the cold air of the lobby. That sound, the only sound, was still not loud enough to drown out the noise of Soohyun's thoughts as he tried to calm them. He hated this place. He hated the fact that he had been summoned there, and he dreaded what was to come. Even so, he had known from the very moment everything had begun that this would be inevitable.
And finally, there he was.
This was not one of the large, polished offices that the company enjoyed showing to potential clients and employees. No posters or awards decorated the walls. The paint and plaster were dull, the carpeting cheap and scratchy. Even the chairs were lacking, the upholstery covered with cloth rather than leather. The plant in the corner, half-wilted, seemed to be an afterthought by an underpaid secretary.
Deep breaths did little to calm his worry. He knew that he had to pull himself together. Having a level head was more important; this was not the time to lose his cool. Not now. Everything rested on whatever would transpire over the course of the next few hours.
At his side, Soohyun could feel the presence the person next to him. Even though the air in the room was chilly, Hoon's leg was warm against his. Not one word was said about their coming together. They simply had. And so there they sat, each one taking strength in the other's presence.
Ever reassuring, Hoon patted his back, rubbing his fingers in soft circles as they sat together.
"Just breathe," Hoon murmured. "Calm down. It's going to be fine."
Slowly, Soohyun did as he was told. He flexed his fingers, willing himself to relax. Easier said than done.
"I'm sorry that all of this is happening," Soohyun said.
Hoon let out a quiet sigh. Soohyun did not have to ask why; he had apologized a dozen times before. Through the past week, as the meeting had approached, it had become almost routine whenever they had to discuss the subject. There was no need. Even if an apology had been appropriate, it was too late for simple words to fix the problem. This day and everything that would result from it were the consequences of decisions that he had made long ago.
"You know you don't need to say that," Hoon responded quietly. "I chose to be here. I'm not going anywhere. I've been here since the beginning, haven't I? Do you remember?"
"Yeah, I remember."
~
The volume inside of the room turned up a notch as Soohyun stepped into the familiar offices of the media company. He was late, though only barely. He knew that he should have been on time, but the delay had been unavoidable. Still, the friendly smiles of the people around him told him that his late arrival was not problematic. After all, this was a casual get-together. The business side of things would come later, in a day or two when the paperwork had to be signed and things made more official. Just then, it was just time to meet the new members.
Within five minutes, their usual manager had found him. Smiling politely, Soohyun greeted him and ran through all of the usual pleasantries. He was still adjusting to his new role as leader of U-KISS. All of these formalities seemed much more troublesome than just introducing everyone as a group.
With the proper niceties addressed, the real reason for the meeting approached. Kim Jaeseop was a familiar face. He greeted Soohyun with a smile. Soohyun shook his hand, bowing politely as all the right introductions were made. Those words were just for show; there was no real need to introduce the two of them. After all, they were label mates. Soohyun could fondly remember the last time that U-KISS and Paran had worked together. They had hit things off well enough then, and there had been plenty of promise in the bond that they had formed even before Kibum and Alexander had been taken away from their ranks. AJ was a friend. Now, he was going to become practically family.
Soohyun was satisfied with the decision to bring AJ in as a member of U-KISS. He desperately missed the two members that had let, but he knew that change was inevitable. This time, he hoped, it would be for the better. Not only was AJ a friend, he was also talented. While his vocals needed work, Soohyun had confidence that he would help the rest of them improve in other areas.
With a smile and a polite nod, Soohyun pulled away and continued to mingle. He had expected that someone would introduce him to the other new member, the one that he only knew by name. However, no one made any effort to do so. Instead, the mystery person took the initiative upon himself.
"Nice to meet you," he said, voice slightly breathless. "My name is Yeo Hoonmin. We'll be working together from now on, so please take care of me."
That was the very first impression that Soohyun had of Hoon. He was not at all what the leader had expected. The man in front of him was nervous, trying to cover it up with a too-warm smile and a show of bravery. Even his appearance was not what Soohyun had pictured. His features were plain, his face chubby. He was hardly the stick-thin embodiment of male beauty that the fan girls screamed over. He was just a person, someone that you might see on the street. He wondered why the company had chosen to hire someone who was so very different from the standard they had initially aimed for.
Offering a smile, Soohyun held out his hand. "I'm Soohyun. Welcome to U-KISS."
"Thanks. You can call me Hoon." His smile was returned with another, this one more genuine.
Even though they had just met, Soohyun felt okay with the newcomer. He liked the way that Hoon said hello and he admired the way that he had introduced himself. Maybe working with someone like that would not be so bad.
~
Back in the present, Soohyun sat up a little straighter in his chair. Even then, Hoon was regarding him with that same falsely strong expression. He had seen it countless times, whenever one or both of them was afraid. Someone had to hold the fort. Hoon would put on his best face whenever Soohyun needed strength but had none left to give himself.
Soohyun could not help but feel a surge of gratitude towards the other man for everything that he had given him. He hated the situation in which he found himself. Everything about it was a threat, a serious problem for both of them. If he had so desired, Hoon could have declined to come. Instead, he was right there at his side. Soohyun was glad that he was not alone. He needed to know that there was someone else to help shoulder the burden, to hold the weight of the world beside him.
"How do you do it?" He asked softly.
Hoon looked at him curiously. "What do you mean?"
"You're doing it now, too. You always see the bright side of things," Soohyun explained. "You're always positive. How do you do it?"
In response, some of the false bravery on Hoon's face fell away. The bravado that he put on for everyday wear was gone, letting a little of the sad smile behind it shine through.
"Soohyun," he said, "I know you're worried, but whatever happens in that office doesn't really matter."
Those were the last words that Soohyun needed to hear. Looking at Hoon as though he had lost his mind, the leader shrank in on himself slightly. "Do you have any idea how serious this is? Hoon, we could walk out of there without jobs. They could fire us on the spot if they wanted. And something like this, we'd never get another j--"
"It doesn't matter." Hoon's words were firm as they cut him off. Soohyun stared at him. "Nothing's happened yet. There's no reason to jump to conclusions. Even if it does, we'll still be here, won't we? We'll figure it out."
"I'll figure it out," Soohyun mumbled, glancing away. The words were heavier on his tongue than he had intended. They had a bad taste like gum he had worried at for too long.
"You don't always have to be like that."
The words startled Soohyun out of his inner thoughts. Looking up, he asked, "Like what?"
"The leader. You don't always have to be strong, you know." Reaching out, Hoon smoothed back some of Soohyun's hair, pushing it out of the leader's eyes with care. "You can lean on me if you need to. I won't let you down."
The simple words and soft touch brought a smile to Soohyun's face. Reaching out, he took Hoon's hand in his own. Fingers brushed, coming together and intertwining as he let out a soft breath. He had never really wanted support, and yet Hoon had offered it. That small, simple fact had remained a constant for longer than he realized.
~
Standing outside of the practice room, Soohyun cursed his luck. Inside, only a few feet away, he could hear the sounds of the others talking and laughing as they warmed up. He knew that he needed to go into the gym and get things started. They never seemed to be able to organize themselves without him. Practice would be a moot point until someone took control and got everybody on track. He wanted to go in, but he couldn't. Leaning to the left, he looked down at his right ankle and muttered under his breath. He wished the words were enough to take some of the pain away.
Of all the days for something to go awry, he should have known it would be then. Only the day before, Soohyun had lectured all of the members about skipping practices due to minor injuries, late breakfasts, hangovers or a lack of sleep. Considering that a lack of sleep had contributed to his own minor injury, the last thing he wanted was to have to tell them that they would be useless for practice.
Silently, he found himself wishing that their schedule had involved a vocal rehearsal rather than dancing. No amount of wishful thinking was going to get him out of the situation in which he found himself.
Testing to see if the foot could hold his weight, he let out another string of curses. There was no hope; sooner or later, he was just going to have to go in there and admit it.
The door to the gym opened as that thought crossed his mind. Still laughing at something that one of the others had said Hoon stepped out into the hallway. Soohyun watched as the door slid closed behind him. Hoon began to walk away, but paused. Turning, he came to a halt as he saw Soohyun.
"You okay?" he asked. "You're running a bit late."
Nodding tersely, Soohyun agreed. "I'm fine, just need a minute or two and I'll be in."
Despite the words, he could see from the expression on Hoon's face that the other did not believe him. Some of the others might have, but this was the one person that Soohyun could not seem to get anything past. Somehow, Hoon always knew.
Taking a moment to look him up and down, Hoon frowned skeptically. "Did you hurt your ankle?"
With those few words, any hope of concealing the injury flew right out the window. He could try to deceive Hoon, but there was no real point or purpose in doing so. Letting out a sigh, he nodded. "Yeah, twisted the right one this morning. It hurts like hell. How could you tell?"
"The way you were standing," Hoon replied. "It just didn't look right. Let me see."
Without waiting for permission, Hoon stooped down to get a better look. Watching the mop of brown hair in front of him, Soohyun could barely feel the gentle pressure of the other's fingers as they pulled up his pant leg and prodded the injured flesh. The inspection lasted less than a minute before Hoon tugged the cloth back down and stood up.
"Sit on the bench for a minute. I'll be right back."
Soohyun watched curiously as Hoon stepped back into the practice room. Having nothing better to do, he decided to go ahead and follow the orders. Limping over to the wooden bench that sat against a wall, he stuck his leg out and tried to give it a momentary rest. He wondered idly if Hoon had gone to inform the others that he was injured or if he had something else in mind.
That question was answered as Hoon emerged from the gym several minutes later carrying his gym bag. Giving Soohyun an encouraging smile, he sat down on the floor in front of him and promptly peeled off the leader's shoe as though it was something he did every day.
"So," Hoon remarked, rolling Soohyun's sweatpants up once more, "do I even want to know how you did this?"
Wincing, Soohyun watched as the other man inspected his ankle once more. It was swollen and discolored, worse than it had been. The soft feeling of hands on his skin actually helped, the warmth soothing the injury.
"I tripped over my own feet this morning. Felt like an idiot for it too," Soohyun muttered.
Chuckling, Hoon set the foot down for a minute and fished a roll of athletic tape from his bag. "And you don't even know how to wrap your own ankle? That's definitely not good. It's not broken, though. You'll be fine. Just rest it for a couple of days. Keep your foot like this while I put this on."
"Rest it? I've got practice to lead," Soohyun said, holding as still as possible. His eyes traced the pattern as Hoon wrapped the brightly colored material around his foot and ankle, securing it so that it offered support and pressure.
Glancing up, Hoon frowned slightly. "You don't have to push yourself you know."
"I can't just bow out because of a problem with my ankle, Hoon."
"Who said you did? Just sit to the side for today and tomorrow. You can always keep an eye on us from there," the vocalist told him, finishing off his bandage work. Looking up at Soohyun's face, he smiled kindly. "You don't always have to be so strong."
~
Pulled out of his thoughts by the ticking of the clock, Soohyun looked up at the hands. There was not much time left before the dreaded meeting.
No matter how much he, Hoon or the other members tried to be self-sufficient and handle their own problems, it always came down to management in the end. He hated the fact that he did not have the confidence he knew he would need when facing them. Too many times before, he had found himself in this office or one just like it, having to stand up for one of his friends or co-workers as he paid for their mistakes. Now, the time was approaching when he would have to do the same for himself.
Looking at the man next to him, he found himself smiling at Hoon's strength. Who knew, maybe he was right. Even when Soohyun had failed, Hoon had always encouraged him to keep going. Together, they could accomplish anything. He had heard those words countless time. Each time, he had needed to hear them. Just then, he didn't have to hear the syllables to feel their strength. Maybe there was some truth to them, however simple they might be. He needed to believe that there was.
"Do you regret any of it?" Hoon asked, breaking the silence.
At the harmless question, Soohyun let out a laugh. The sound settled somewhere between being amused or humorless, his voice unable to find an easy medium.
"Regret it?" he said softly. "I never thought I'd have the chance to regret it."
The hand on his tightened. With that simple gesture, Hoon pulled Soohyun's gaze up to meet his own. Curiously, Hoon asked, "What do you mean?"
"You really don't know?" Soohyun asked, amazed when the other shook his head. He would have thought the answer was obvious. "I never thought I'd have you."
~
Cell phones. Soohyun hated them. Ordinarily, he didn't mind them. Just then, he was to the point of wishing them out of existence. He didn't care that the thought was illogical or that anyone else would have thought him crazy if he said it aloud. He didn't care about anything else, because that was all he could think about.
Standing in the kitchen, Soohyun tightened his fist around the glass of water on the counter in front of him and tried to block out the sound. He had poured the glass five minutes before but had not taken a drink. The sound of that stupid idiot chattering away on his cell phone made it impossible to do anything. All that Soohyun wanted to do was retreat to the living room, turn on a movie and relax. He couldn't. Hoon was sprawled all across the couch, chatting away with someone like no one else was around to hear him.
The lack of seating was not the reason that Soohyun hadn't gone out to the living room. The real reason was that he did not want to have to hear Hoon talking with her. Soohyun had no idea who the girl was, but it was definitely someone of the female persuasion. It was not as though Soohyun had tried to eavesdrop, it had just sort of happened that way. Really. And, even if he had been, it wasn't as though the conversation was private, was it? After all, Hoon was right out in the open while he talked.
No, talking was the wrong word for it. He was flirting. Half the words out of his mouth were stupid jokes and cheesy lines that irritated Soohyun like nothing else. Didn't he have any personal restraint? Any self-respect? Half of what he said was just too much for a man to say seriously in the first place. Someone had to draw the line somewhere.
Line after line of complaints ran through Soohyun's mind, each one less sensible than the one before. There was no point in denying why he was cranky. He was jealous. He knew that well enough. Something like that was not easy to ignore, especially when the object of his affections seemed to do everything possible to irritate that one particular emotion.
Jealousy did not matter, not even in the slightest. Neither did the fact that he was damn certain that he was in love with Hoon. After all, he already knew he could never act on it. There was no point in putting himself through the effort of telling the other how he felt and possibly ruining a friendship as a result. Hoon was straight. Straight, and probably taken, if the phone call he was in the middle of was any indication. Soohyun hadn't asked. He didn't want to know.
From somewhere out in the living room, he could hear Hoon cooing the last of his goodbyes. The words dripped with affection, almost sickeningly sweet. The singer never used that tone of voice with anyone else, for which Soohyun was incredibly glad. The pair was borderline ridiculous, only adding to his measure of embarrassment to his irritation.
Then, there was silence. Deciding that it was safe, Soohyun picked up his glass and made his way out to the living room. He wasted no time in crashing on the couch, splashing a little water onto his arm as he did so. Making a grab for the remote, he ignored the look that Hoon gave him.
"What's wrong?" Hoon asked, handing him the remote when Soohyun realized that it was too far for him to snatch by himself.
Grunting, Soohyun shook his head. "Nothing's wrong."
Without turning his head, he could picture the unconvinced look that he was certain Hoon wore. Somehow, even when the lies were flawless, Hoon still knew that he was not being truthful. Soohyun's heart ached dully, reminding him of the real reason he was upset. He wished that he could tell the other what was on his mind. He wished he could say everything that was dragging him down. He wanted to, but he could not.
"Soohyun..." Hoon's voice was soft, reluctant and slightly hurt. Soohyun knew that Hoon had no idea what was bothering him or why Soohyun hated overhearing those conversations.
With a sigh, Soohyun gave up. There was no point in grouching at Hoon. It wasn't his fault. Not really. "Sorry. Don't mean to be grumpy."
With a laugh, Hoon gave him a bright smile and slapped him on the back. Without hesitation, he leaned over and pulled the leader into a suffocating hug.
"If you're grumpy, let's watch something funny together," Hoon suggested, grinning hopefully. "Might cheer you up."
The warmth of Hoon's arms around him lingered just long enough to make an impression. They did nothing to help the feelings churning in his heart.
~
The sound of Hoon's laughter brought Soohyun back to the present. The sound was quiet, amused and honest. Soohyun was baffled. "What's so funny?"
"You really should have said something, you know," Hoon replied, still chuckling. "I don't know why you didn't."
Flushing slightly, Soohyun could not help the slight embarrassment he felt at the comment. "Why do you say that?"
Leaning against him, Hoon smiled. "I thought you would have figured it out ages ago. Most of those phone calls were staged; I wanted to see if I could get a reaction out of you."
"A reaction?" Soohyun arched an eyebrow. "Like what?"
"I was trying to make you jealous. I think it worked."
Of all the things that he and Hoon had talked about over the course of their relationship, that was news to Soohyun. The notion of Hoon's ridiculous, flowery conversations being used against him intentionally brought a smile to the leader's face.
Unable to repress a quiet laugh, he shook his head. "That seems like such a long time ago. Maybe I should have said something, but we're here now."
Silence filled the room, occupying all the space that their worries and concerns left empty. There was nothing uneasy about the quiet companionship. The unease around them only came from the anticipation of the unknown, a fear that neither of them could completely destroy.
"Soohyun?"
"What is it?"
"How long has it been?" Hoon asked quietly. "Since... we got together, I mean."
Soohyun let out an indelicate snort. "That's kind of a tactless question. Aren't you supposed to remember that sort of thing?"
Instantly, a flush crossed Hoon's cheeks. Pulling his hand away from Soohyun's, he smacked him playfully on the thigh. "That's not fair. You don't have any clue either, do you?"
The grin on Soohyun's face turned uncomfortable, the leader unwilling to admit that he wasn't much better with dates than Hoon. The span of time that had passed really had not mattered to him.
Unable to offer a satisfactory answer, he shrugged. "No. Not a clue. We never have sat down and figured it out, have we? Just know it was longer for me, that's all."
Drawing back, Hoon gave him a strange look. "Why do you say that it was longer for you?"
"Well," Soohyun said, "it was. I mean, probably just a couple of months after you joined. You made it impossible to avoid you. It was kind of hard to avoid... things."
Hearing the response, the smile Hoon's face fell a little. He let out a sigh. Soohyun looked at him quizzically, uncertain what part of his answer had been unsatisfactory.
"What's the matter?" Soohyun asked, automatically leaning towards Hoon as he moved backwards slightly.
Hoon shrugged. "That's one thing I still don't get about you. It still bothers me, you know."
"What does?" Soohyun was baffled.
"You're distant. You didn't respond to me when I first joined. Not for the longest time." Hoon ran his tongue across his top lip, thinking. "You still don't, half of the time. Not when people can see."
At that, Soohyun frowned. It was true. There was no denying it. For him, affection was best kept out of the public eye. When he really meant it, it was something that he only wanted to share with Hoon. Not strangers. Still, repeated requests for openness were something he had thought he was trying to accommodate.
Uneasily, he sank in on himself. "Yeah, maybe. Just a little. It still got me you, didn't it?"
~
Standing in the steamy locker room with nothing except a towel to protect his modesty, Soohyun could not believe that Hoon had chosen that moment to start an argument. He should have seen it coming. It was not like the tension had come out of nowhere. Little by little, the pressure had built all day, feeding off of countless moments that had happened for weeks before that. Soohyun had seen it, had felt the unhappiness that was building. He hoped that it would pass. Instead, it had led to this.
Some six feet away, Hoon had his hands balled into fists at his sides. They were clenched so tightly that the skin on his knuckles had turned white. His expression was fixed in an uncharacteristic frown, baby lips pouting as his brows knit together.
"Answer me, Soohyun," he said.
Looking away, Soohyun tried to avoid the painfully direct gaze. He hated confrontations like this. "I told you before, it doesn't matter. You shouldn't think about things so much."
Turning his back to Hoon, Soohyun tried to steady himself. He felt uneasy on his feet as he went about finishing his shower routine, sliding the shampoo bottle back into his duffel bag.
For a moment, only the sound of his pulse echoed in his ears, louder than he remembered. Then, he could hear the sound of someone breathing. He felt the heat of Hoon's hand on his shoulder as the other singer turned him around, not caring when the bag and its contents fell to the floor, scattering.
"I'm not going to leave until you tell me why." Hoon's face was only inches from his own, his emotions so strong that Soohyun could read them in every line on his skin. "It's not like it's that complicated. Why can't you just say it?"
The suddenness of the confrontation startled Soohyun. He stared at Hoon openly for a split second before he remembered that he was supposed to be feigning indifference. Pulling back into himself, he cleared his throat and straightened up, telling himself that he could handle the situation.
Letting his eyes slide away from Hoon's face, Soohyun turned back to his belongings. "I don't even know what you're on about, so I'm not sure what you expect me to say, Hoon."
"You're a really shitty liar, you know. You know exactly what I'm talking about."
For the first time since the argument had started, Soohyun looked back at Hoon and prayed that the other would misinterpret his lack of self-confidence as confusion. Apparently, he had.
With a sigh, Hoon dropped his hand to the side. "The others."
"What about them?" Soohyun asked, not taking his eyes off the vocalist. He knew the nonchalance in his attitude was failing him. Soon, Hoon would be able to see how difficult it was to remain impassive around him.
"You don't treat me the way you treat them," Hoon complained. "You're so damn close with all of them. Whether it's in private, or even just fan service. It's just... different. You'll touch them. You'll let them hug you. You'll actually give them the goddamn time of day."
"Hoon--"
"Let me finish. I'm so sick of seeing you treat them all like that when you give me the cold shoulder. At least the rest of them know you give a damn. I'm pretty sure you give a damn about me, too, but the way you act? It's impossible to tell. I can't figure it out, and its driving me crazy."
By the end of his tirade, Hoon was nearly breathless. Soohyun could feel his hand trembling on his shoulder. He had not pulled away, only tightened his grip as he had finally let loose everything that he had felt.
No matter how much Soohyun wanted to deny it, he would have been lying if he had said that Hoon was wrong. Hoon was right. He had made his point. Soohyun was well aware of the fact that he held himself back. He never gave in to what he really wanted. With all of the other members in the group, it was nothing but play. The touches and hugs were a way to get closer to friends that were more like a second family. Affection between companions and fan service were good for business.
With Hoon, it was more than just goofing off. It was something else entirely, hints and teases of something that Soohyun wanted more of. He had found himself thinking about it and longing for it more and more with each passing day. He knew how far he had already fallen, his heart giving itself away without his permission. He could not bring himself to give in, to touch Hoon the way that he wanted. He could not allow himself to hold him, to fall any more in love with him than he already had.
"We work together," Soohyun told him, his voice far rougher than he cared for. "We're co-workers. You shouldn't be thinking about things like that. It shouldn't matter whether I'm affectionate or not."
Whatever response Hoon had desired, that was not it. The hand on Soohyun's shoulder tightened. Then, as he tried to turn away, Soohyun found himself being forced to stand up straight. Hoon crowded his space, everything about him forcing the leader to move backwards, unable to fight the rough hold that the other had on him.
Even though Soohyun was the taller of the two, he felt an inch high under the intensity of Hoon's gaze. There was the space of a breath between them as their position registered in his mind. Then, Hoon crashed his lips down onto him, taking for himself the response that Soohyun would not give.
Everything was heat and sensation, each nerve in Soohyun's body focused on that single point of contact. He did not have the time or sense to react. He could not even give in or stop the kiss. Before he had the chance to decide what he wanted, Hoon pulled away. Dark eyes clouded with emotion stared back at him as Hoon waited for him to say something.
Soohyun opened his mouth to speak. Instead, a noise suspiciously like a squeak left his throat. He paused, swallowing, and then started again. Uncertainly, he let the words fall from his tongue without his guidance. "So, do you... like me or something?"
"No, you idiot leader," Hoon panted, exasperated. "I love you."
~
"You're wrong," Hoon told him, smiling gently. "You had me a long time before that happened. That was just when you realized it. I can't help that."
Leaning forward and taking another breath, Soohyun smiled at the memory. It was not one of his favorites, if only for the fact that moments like that were best when they involved more clothing than just a towel. That was one fact that they would probably always keep to themselves, regardless of what happened in the future.
The future. Soohyun glanced at the clock once more, a sense of unease creeping over him once more. There were only a few minutes left until the meeting. The sense of impending doom wiped the smile from his lips and turned him pensive once more. In his chest, he could feel his heart beating at an unnaturally slow rhythm, equally unwilling to speed up time.
No amount of words from Hoon could ease the discomfort that he felt. Glancing over at him, Soohyun could feel his resolve. Steadfast, reliable. They had talked about this possibility many times. Each time, Hoon had assured him that he was determined to see things through. That kind of resolution was lacking in the leader; his mind acknowledged that no amount of effort could save people sometimes. Even the best laid plans could go awry. As the leader of UKISS, he knew that very well.
"Are you ready for this?" he asked, holding Hoon's gaze.
"Yes," Hoon replied. There was no false cheer or amusement in his voice. "Try not to worry. Please."
Seeing the last of the false positivity leave Hoon's face, Soohyun felt somehow assured by the real emotion he could see in its place. He needed to know that he was not the only one who had trouble digesting their situation. There had been plenty of time to consider this inevitability. Now, they simply had to see it through.
"I guess it's a miracle things went on this long," Soohyun sighed. "We had a good run."
"You shouldn't say things like that, you know. It's not like anything is ending."
Soohyun's eyebrows lifted as he stared at the floor, giving a silent remark to Hoon's direction. "Maybe if we had told them ourselves it wouldn't have wound up like this. Might have lessened the blow a bit. I'm kind of surprised we weren't found out earlier honestly."
A snort from Hoon drew his attention. Soohyun looked up. Hoon smirked, clearly amused at his own train of thought.
Soohyun arched an eyebrow. "What?"
"Well, we were found out," Hoon pointed out. "Just not by management. Things didn't go so badly that time, did they?"
~
Panting, sweating and hot, Soohyun's mind was swimming. The only thing he could think about was the heat of Hoon's chest against his and the sounds of their heated breaths as the make-out session heated up. Letting out a whine, he pushed his head further back against the cushions of the couch, giving Hoon more skin to devour. The other man nibbled, sucked and kissed his way across the tanned flesh.
Struggling against the cushions, Soohyun shrugged the sleeve of his shirt off the rest of the way. Finally, their clothing count was down to pants only. Things felt so much better when it was just skin, when friction and the sound of Hoon's voice were everything.
Soohyun wanted more. He needed to lose himself completely in the other man. His hands slid down Hoon's body, tickling along lines of thick muscles and sweat as he reached down to grab his ass. Squeezing the muscle in his hands, he delighted in the moan that left Hoon's lips.
"God, H--"
Click.
Soohyun's hand stopped dead on its way to undoing the button of Hoon's jeans. Together, both men swiveled their heads to look at the front door. It was too early. Nobody as supposed to be home for hours. And yet, there, standing in the doorway, was Eli. Wide-eyed and mouth hanging open, he was getting the show of a lifetime. Standing stock-still, he had a front row view of the action taking place on the dorm couch.
No one moved. Then, the realization of what had happened must have struck home for Hoon. Even before his thoughts had cleared, Soohyun could feel him moving as he tried to straighten their clothing. A shirt was grabbed off the back of the couch as the vocalist sat up, coughing loudly and reaching down to fix his own trousers.
"We were just... and we fell over and--" Soohyun stammered, fishing for some sort of excuse that could be used to cover for what they had been doing.
The action came too late. Eli held up a hand, halfway signaling a hello and halfway blocking the two of them from view. Walking quickly, he vanished down the hallway. Even from the living room, Soohyun could hear the loud click of the door as it closed behind him.
"Shit." Soohyun scrambled to get to his feet. Tripping over his shirt on the floor, he fell into the wall. Not bothering to care, he reached down and tried to tug up the zipper on his pants as he stumbled down the hallway, wondering just how many telling hickeys Hoon had left on his chest and neck. He prayed Eli wouldn't notice. Or that, if he did, he'd think they were burns from a hair straightener or something.
Stumbling down the hallway, Soohyun fastened the two buttons on his jeans. Finishing the last one, he pounded on the door of the room that Eli shared with AJ. "Eli, it's not what it looks like. Open up."
"I don't want to think about what it looks like," Eli shouted, the words muffled by the wood.
"Just open the damn door."
Soohyun sighed, sagging against the door frame. Panic and a muted fear of consequences unknown were making his joints ache. This was a disaster. They should never have stayed in the living room. They shouldn't have even been out there in the first place. What was he supposed to say. If Eli decided to tell management, or even the other members, there would be hell to pay.
The door in front of him creaked open, the movement drawing his gaze. From the inch-wide gap, Eli looked out at him. He was blushing brightly. "What?"
There was no point in lying anymore. From experience, Soohyun knew that trying to mislead his friends would only make the situation worse. All the excuses he had given earlier were pointless. Taking a deep breath, he decided to try the best approach he knew.
"Look, sorry, we... weren't expecting anyone," Soohyun said, trying to meet Eli's eyes and failing miserably. Instead, he took to staring at a lamp in the corner of the room, barely visible through the doorway. "Hoon and I are--"
Once more, Eli held up his hand. This time it was clearly intended to stop Soohyun in the middle of his explanation. Still blushing, Eli stared at the door, avoiding his gaze, as well. "Don't worry about it."
"What?"
"I said don't worry about it," Eli repeated, clearly embarrassed. "Kind of already guessed..."
Soohyun blinked. "You're... okay with it?"
For once, Eli met his gaze. "Why wouldn't I be?"
"Well..." Pausing, Soohyun could not see why this was so hard for Eli to figure out. "We're gay."
"Yeah, I kind of figured that one out for myself."
"Oh."
"So," Eli said tentatively, biting his lip, "does that mean Kevin and I are okay, then?"
The words took a moment to register. They were overshadowed by the elation Soohyun felt at knowing that he didn't have to worry about their accidental discovery. As soon as they sank in, Soohyun took a step back. His worry turned to irritation.
The leader once more, Soohyun promptly started flailing his hands at the rapper. "Wait, what do you mean? Seriously? You should have told me!"