holding on (1/2)
holding on
leo/irene, 5,976w, pg-15.
a/n: you should all join me in this ship. it's a beautiful ship, but i sail the ship alone.
a/n: i had a really difficult time with this ending so forgive me. it may seem a little rushed????
a/n: does someone want to help me get out of my cliche, kdrama like writing? i need the help.
a/n: there's so many notes, i'm sorry, but this fic turned out way too long, and idk how to stop writing so much.
Alcohol and sex was all Taekwoon could smell when he took a step into the club. This was definitely the last place he would like to be spotted, but Hakyeon was getting married soon, and he decided that he needed an epic bachelor’s party that may possibly end up with one of their friends getting laid. Why he ever hung out with such a lame group of boys remains a mystery, but he and Hakyeon had been best friends since forever, and he couldn’t not attend his bachelor’s party.
Standing in the doorway, a sigh leaves his lips already as he looks around with the hopes of finding his friends. He’s soon interrupted by a slight shove. It’s annoying, but he’s at a club so he doesn’t hold the person up to it.
Not until he hears the apology.
His ears perk up at the sound of a familiar voice, and he can’t believe the sight in front of his eyes. He almost pinches himself to make sure he isn’t dreaming, but with the way the female in front of her says his voice, he knows he isn’t.
“Taekwoon-ah.”
Her voice is still the same soft voice that he remembers, and he’s surprised he can even hear her over the loud music, but it’s like the rest of the club silenced itself, and the only thing he could hear was her. While her voice stayed the same, her eyes were different. A lot different. They used to be filled with dreams and passion, but now they were empty. Completely empty.
“Bae Joohyun. What are you doing here?” Looking down at her, he’s at a loss for words. There’s so much he wants to ask her, including what she’s been doing for the five years since high school ended, what she’s doing now, why she suddenly left, and why she’s dressed like that-
“I can’t talk right now,” she interrupts his thoughts, and he can’t help but notice that her voice is shaking as if she was scared of something. He wants to grab her and pull her into his embrace so he can tell her that everything is going to be okay, but he doesn’t know anything about her anymore. And so he just stands there in silence. Like a fool, an idiot, and just like that day she walked away from him.
Grabbing a random waiter that was walking by, she grabbed the poor fella’s pen right out of his pocket and then grabbed his own wrist. Before he could ask her what she was doing, her number was quickly scribbled across his palm and as quickly as she reappeared in front of his eyes, she had walked away. Again. For the second time in his life.
“Taekwoon hyung already got a girl’s number, and he’s been here for like five minutes! This is so unfair!” Sanghyuk had a slight pout on his face that had everybody else in the room laughing, but Taekwoon was too engrossed in his own thoughts. He was positive that was Bae Joohyun he had seen, but he couldn’t imagine what she would be doing in a place like this. Of course, she was probably thinking the same thing. That is if she was thinking about him at all.
His thoughts were giving him a headache as there were so many things passing through his mind. Frustrated, he grabbed a random glass that was on the table and shot down whatever was in it. The liquor burned his throat, he was never great at drinking, but it was exactly what he needed.
“Did you guys see that? Taekwoon hyung is actually drinking!” An arm is thrown around his shoulder by the youngest, and Taekwoon is too tired to even shrug it off like he usually does. He’s acting odd, and he knows it, but he doesn’t have the energy to think about it at the moment. The only thing lingering in his head is Joohyun.
Staring down at the number scribbled across his palm, he quickly takes out his phone and saves it in case something happens that night, and he loses it.
He wasn’t going to lose her again. Not if he could help it.
The rest of the night passes by like a blur, and he doesn’t remember most of it until the next day when Hakyeon wakes him up in the morning, telling him he’s going to need help recovering from his awful hangover, and boy was he right. The moment he woke up, he couldn’t even remember where he was and how he got there. Thankfully nothing must have happened because it ended up just being Hakyeon’s place.
They’re at the dining table, and Taekwoon is busy eating, but he’s not an idiot to realize that his friend had been staring into his soul for the last ten minutes.
“Do you want to eat too, or do you want something from him?” He puts down his spoon, a frown making its way across his face because of the uncomfort. He wasn’t sure if the food was going down his throat or through his nose because of Hakyeon’s intense stare.
The boy across from him clears his throat before tilting his head to one side. Taekwoon knew the look Hakyeon had across his face. It was the same one he used to give Jaehwan back in high school when he was about to question him about the missing food from his lunchbox.
Before Hakyeon can start questioning him, Taekwoon shakes his head, bringing a hand up to support his head that was pounding. “I know what you’re thinking-”
“You were acting different yesterday,” his friend states the obvious to him, and he can’t help but roll his eyes. “Like really different. You should have seen your face. You looked like you saw a ghost or something-”
“Almost.” The words slip out of his mouth almost on accident, but he’s been itching to tell Hakyeon since last night anyway so it’s not a total accident. “It might have been worse.” The confused look on his friend’s face deepens, and he can’t help but chuckle just a bit before taking a sip from the glass of water that was set out for him. “I saw Joohyun.”
It must take his friend a moment to realize who he’s talking about, but the moment he figures it all out, Hakyeon’s face is identical to his own yesterday. A grim smile had settled across his face as he rubbed the nape of his neck.
“Joohyun? As in Bae Joohyun? As in the one that just disappeared all of a sudden-”
“Yes. That one. What other Joohyun do we know?” The words come out a bit harsher than he had planned, but the look on his friend’s face tells him that he’s not hurt at all; he’s worried.
Running a hand through his hair, he tries his best to collect his thoughts, but the only thing on his mind is her. She had been the only thing for the past 7 years, and he feels like an absolute fool for not being able to forget her.
But then again, they say that a man’s first love is impossible to forget.
( They’re in their first year of high school when they first meet.
Taekwoon was sitting in his seat, trying his best to get Hakyeon off his back about what he was doing last night. His best friend had always been too nosy, but he didn’t mind it all that much.
Then she walked in. A transfer student from Daegu, and the moment he laid his eyes on her, he thought she was beautiful. She still had an accent, but he found it cute, and she was obviously shy with the way she couldn’t seem to meet eyes with anybody except the floor. Taekwoon was never a man of many words as well, and it almost made him relieved to find someone similar to him.
It didn’t help that she ended up sitting next to him. They were both too shy to say hello, and Hakyeon had to introduce Taekwoon to her, but all his embarrassment seemed to wash away with her smile, and her polite introduction, her daegu accent sounding like a beautiful melody to his Seoul ears.
They sort of naturally become friends after that. She’s amazing at math and physics, and he kind of sucks at both of those so she helps him out. Meanwhile, she despises world history and literature, and he was always fond of that, and so he helps her out. It’s sort of a win-win situation.
It’s hard for him to forget the moment he realized that he actually liked her. Like, like like her. It was hard for him to admit it, but when he saw her in that baby blue dress for homecoming, he couldn’t deny it anymore.
Taekwoon didn’t believe in romance. he thought that it was all lies made up by big corporations so they could sell their romantic comedies or fantasy romances. But all those thoughts came crumbling down that night when he saw her coming out of her house. He had asked her out as friends, and she was more than excited. Apparently she always wondered what Seoul dances were like because the ones at Daegu were nothing special.
Seoul dances weren’t special either is what he replied with, but he realized that his thoughts would change after the night with her. What made the night special wasn’t the dance itself, but it was who you spent it with.
After that night, he could feel himself slowly falling for her. Every little thing she did had his heart racing, and he couldn’t even properly help her out with her history homework anymore because he was too busy staring at her beautiful face.
He was afraid of sharing his thoughts to anybody, but thankfully he didn’t have to because Hakyeon catches on fast, and he always seemed to know Taekwoon better than he did himself. It was Hakyeon who told him he should go for it, and that the worst that could come out of it would be awkwardness for a while. (“but she’s joohyun. she’ll get over it faster than you could even deny the words ever came out of your mouth.”)
That’s the story of how Jung Taekwoon ended up confessing to Bae Joohyun. It consisted of numerous stutters, mess-ups, and bites of the lip due to uncertainty, but Joohyun was basically an angel from heaven, and she laughed at everything with her bright laugh and accepted the shabby single rose he had held out to her.
Everything about their story screamed cliche, and he hated cliches, but he loved Joohyun. His whole life was an oxymoron because Joohyun herself was a cliche. A sad, pitiful cliche that just needed someone to hold onto her, and he tried. He tried.
He really tried. )
It’s just like the day Hakyeon pushed Taekwoon to confess.
His best friend had been on the phone with him for about an hour now simply listening to him stutter and contemplate all the pros and cons of calling her, and Hakyeon’s so sick of it that Taekwoon’s sure the phone’s just on speaker phone, and he’s walked away from it.
Believing that he’s bothered his friend enough, he finally hangs up, staring at the number that he had inserted into his phone but couldn’t bring himself to press ‘dial’. A deep groan left from his throat as he lied back down onto his bed. The last time he was this nervous was when he had asked her out years ago.
“I can’t do this,” is what he tells himself as he slowly gets up at the sound of his door ringing. He assumes it’s most likely Hakyeon because he always comes around with pizza whenever Taekwoon is having a hard time.
He makes his way to the door, an obvious frustrated expression on his face as he opens it up.
“Hakyeon, you should know that my door is basically always open-”
But Hakyeon’s not alone. No, there’s a surprise. Hakyeon and his fucking surprises. His brain stops functioning properly because he’s standing there absolutely frozen. She looks a little different, but then again, the location is much different from yesterday. A white blouse, jeans, and sneakers; she hasn’t changed at all.
Reading Taekwoon’s mind like always, Hakyeon welcomes himself in, dragging Joohyun in with him. “Can you believe who I met at the pizza store just now? Bae Joohyun! How long has it been since we last saw her?”
“6 years,” he answers almost too quickly, and he can hear his friend snickering under his breath. “But who’s keeping count, right?” Good job at trying to keep it subtle, Jung Taekwoon. He’s mentally slapping himself, but it looks like she’s almost as nervous as he is, and he isn’t sure if that’s an assurance or a worry.
Everything about this situation is too uncomfortable for him. And probably for her as well. The only person that seems to be enjoying the awkwardness is Cha fucking Hakyeon, and he’s ready to kill his friend, but Joohyun was always against violence.
Several silent moments go by, and Taekwoon is still standing in front of the doorway, not sure what to do. It seems that Joohyun has relaxed a little because she’s looking around the house, and he can’t help but silently curse under his breath because his apartment is absolutely filthy, and this is not what he wanted to show her.
“The place isn’t usually this dirty, I swear.” Nobody asked him, but he felt that he had to clarify that. However, knowing Joohyun, that was probably the last thing on her mind. She was probably trying to observe how he had set everything up, trying her best to avoid the pictures of them on the wall that he hadn’t been able to take down.
“It’s a nice place,” she speaks for the first time since she’s walked into his house. “But I’ll look around later. Right now, I think the pizza is getting cold and cold pizza is not the best tasting.” An awkward smile spread across her face as she makes her way to his kitchen. “I’ll grab the plates.”
It takes him a moment to realize that this is her first time at his apartment, and she most likely doesn’t know where the plates are. “Wait! You’re not going to be able to reach them,” he says as he follows her behind.
And just like he expected, she’s struggling to reach the plates that are placed on the highest shelf. “You’re never going to be able to reach them,” he explains as a sigh leaves his lips. “Bae Joohyun, you haven’t grown one bit. Still the same height.” The words almost come out naturally, and he hasn’t realized that he had brought up the past until she’s staring at him with a startled expression on her face.
However, he’s too occupied with the plates to realize anything, and it’s only after he’s standing right behind her, reaching up over her head to grab the fine china. Their height difference was always something that Joohyun had stated that she liked about their relationship. Something about how girls like being able to lean on a guy’s shoulders, and that his shoulders were absolutely the best. It’s during moments like these where he understands what she means.
His face is far above her’s, but even this distance seems too close for them anymore. Their bodies are flushed together, and he can see her face turning a bright red. He’s awfully too embarrassed himself to move, and it takes her pushing him away from her for him to realize what really happened. But before he can start apologizing (for what?), she’s already making her way out of the kitchen, fanning herself.
He completely forgets Hakyeon’s still there as he chases behind her, grabbing for her wrist, but she’s become faster, and she’s already putting her shoes on, blabbering out some excuse about how she has to go home because her dog needs to be fed or something.
Ignoring his friend’s confused face, he slowly drops down to take a seat on his couch, waving for Hakyeon to leave.
His best friend knows him too well because he silently walks out, leaving Taekwoon by himself.
And it’s sad because he’s so used to it.
part ii.
leo/irene, 5,976w, pg-15.
a/n: you should all join me in this ship. it's a beautiful ship, but i sail the ship alone.
a/n: i had a really difficult time with this ending so forgive me. it may seem a little rushed????
a/n: does someone want to help me get out of my cliche, kdrama like writing? i need the help.
a/n: there's so many notes, i'm sorry, but this fic turned out way too long, and idk how to stop writing so much.
Alcohol and sex was all Taekwoon could smell when he took a step into the club. This was definitely the last place he would like to be spotted, but Hakyeon was getting married soon, and he decided that he needed an epic bachelor’s party that may possibly end up with one of their friends getting laid. Why he ever hung out with such a lame group of boys remains a mystery, but he and Hakyeon had been best friends since forever, and he couldn’t not attend his bachelor’s party.
Standing in the doorway, a sigh leaves his lips already as he looks around with the hopes of finding his friends. He’s soon interrupted by a slight shove. It’s annoying, but he’s at a club so he doesn’t hold the person up to it.
Not until he hears the apology.
His ears perk up at the sound of a familiar voice, and he can’t believe the sight in front of his eyes. He almost pinches himself to make sure he isn’t dreaming, but with the way the female in front of her says his voice, he knows he isn’t.
“Taekwoon-ah.”
Her voice is still the same soft voice that he remembers, and he’s surprised he can even hear her over the loud music, but it’s like the rest of the club silenced itself, and the only thing he could hear was her. While her voice stayed the same, her eyes were different. A lot different. They used to be filled with dreams and passion, but now they were empty. Completely empty.
“Bae Joohyun. What are you doing here?” Looking down at her, he’s at a loss for words. There’s so much he wants to ask her, including what she’s been doing for the five years since high school ended, what she’s doing now, why she suddenly left, and why she’s dressed like that-
“I can’t talk right now,” she interrupts his thoughts, and he can’t help but notice that her voice is shaking as if she was scared of something. He wants to grab her and pull her into his embrace so he can tell her that everything is going to be okay, but he doesn’t know anything about her anymore. And so he just stands there in silence. Like a fool, an idiot, and just like that day she walked away from him.
Grabbing a random waiter that was walking by, she grabbed the poor fella’s pen right out of his pocket and then grabbed his own wrist. Before he could ask her what she was doing, her number was quickly scribbled across his palm and as quickly as she reappeared in front of his eyes, she had walked away. Again. For the second time in his life.
“Taekwoon hyung already got a girl’s number, and he’s been here for like five minutes! This is so unfair!” Sanghyuk had a slight pout on his face that had everybody else in the room laughing, but Taekwoon was too engrossed in his own thoughts. He was positive that was Bae Joohyun he had seen, but he couldn’t imagine what she would be doing in a place like this. Of course, she was probably thinking the same thing. That is if she was thinking about him at all.
His thoughts were giving him a headache as there were so many things passing through his mind. Frustrated, he grabbed a random glass that was on the table and shot down whatever was in it. The liquor burned his throat, he was never great at drinking, but it was exactly what he needed.
“Did you guys see that? Taekwoon hyung is actually drinking!” An arm is thrown around his shoulder by the youngest, and Taekwoon is too tired to even shrug it off like he usually does. He’s acting odd, and he knows it, but he doesn’t have the energy to think about it at the moment. The only thing lingering in his head is Joohyun.
Staring down at the number scribbled across his palm, he quickly takes out his phone and saves it in case something happens that night, and he loses it.
He wasn’t going to lose her again. Not if he could help it.
The rest of the night passes by like a blur, and he doesn’t remember most of it until the next day when Hakyeon wakes him up in the morning, telling him he’s going to need help recovering from his awful hangover, and boy was he right. The moment he woke up, he couldn’t even remember where he was and how he got there. Thankfully nothing must have happened because it ended up just being Hakyeon’s place.
They’re at the dining table, and Taekwoon is busy eating, but he’s not an idiot to realize that his friend had been staring into his soul for the last ten minutes.
“Do you want to eat too, or do you want something from him?” He puts down his spoon, a frown making its way across his face because of the uncomfort. He wasn’t sure if the food was going down his throat or through his nose because of Hakyeon’s intense stare.
The boy across from him clears his throat before tilting his head to one side. Taekwoon knew the look Hakyeon had across his face. It was the same one he used to give Jaehwan back in high school when he was about to question him about the missing food from his lunchbox.
Before Hakyeon can start questioning him, Taekwoon shakes his head, bringing a hand up to support his head that was pounding. “I know what you’re thinking-”
“You were acting different yesterday,” his friend states the obvious to him, and he can’t help but roll his eyes. “Like really different. You should have seen your face. You looked like you saw a ghost or something-”
“Almost.” The words slip out of his mouth almost on accident, but he’s been itching to tell Hakyeon since last night anyway so it’s not a total accident. “It might have been worse.” The confused look on his friend’s face deepens, and he can’t help but chuckle just a bit before taking a sip from the glass of water that was set out for him. “I saw Joohyun.”
It must take his friend a moment to realize who he’s talking about, but the moment he figures it all out, Hakyeon’s face is identical to his own yesterday. A grim smile had settled across his face as he rubbed the nape of his neck.
“Joohyun? As in Bae Joohyun? As in the one that just disappeared all of a sudden-”
“Yes. That one. What other Joohyun do we know?” The words come out a bit harsher than he had planned, but the look on his friend’s face tells him that he’s not hurt at all; he’s worried.
Running a hand through his hair, he tries his best to collect his thoughts, but the only thing on his mind is her. She had been the only thing for the past 7 years, and he feels like an absolute fool for not being able to forget her.
But then again, they say that a man’s first love is impossible to forget.
( They’re in their first year of high school when they first meet.
Taekwoon was sitting in his seat, trying his best to get Hakyeon off his back about what he was doing last night. His best friend had always been too nosy, but he didn’t mind it all that much.
Then she walked in. A transfer student from Daegu, and the moment he laid his eyes on her, he thought she was beautiful. She still had an accent, but he found it cute, and she was obviously shy with the way she couldn’t seem to meet eyes with anybody except the floor. Taekwoon was never a man of many words as well, and it almost made him relieved to find someone similar to him.
It didn’t help that she ended up sitting next to him. They were both too shy to say hello, and Hakyeon had to introduce Taekwoon to her, but all his embarrassment seemed to wash away with her smile, and her polite introduction, her daegu accent sounding like a beautiful melody to his Seoul ears.
They sort of naturally become friends after that. She’s amazing at math and physics, and he kind of sucks at both of those so she helps him out. Meanwhile, she despises world history and literature, and he was always fond of that, and so he helps her out. It’s sort of a win-win situation.
It’s hard for him to forget the moment he realized that he actually liked her. Like, like like her. It was hard for him to admit it, but when he saw her in that baby blue dress for homecoming, he couldn’t deny it anymore.
Taekwoon didn’t believe in romance. he thought that it was all lies made up by big corporations so they could sell their romantic comedies or fantasy romances. But all those thoughts came crumbling down that night when he saw her coming out of her house. He had asked her out as friends, and she was more than excited. Apparently she always wondered what Seoul dances were like because the ones at Daegu were nothing special.
Seoul dances weren’t special either is what he replied with, but he realized that his thoughts would change after the night with her. What made the night special wasn’t the dance itself, but it was who you spent it with.
After that night, he could feel himself slowly falling for her. Every little thing she did had his heart racing, and he couldn’t even properly help her out with her history homework anymore because he was too busy staring at her beautiful face.
He was afraid of sharing his thoughts to anybody, but thankfully he didn’t have to because Hakyeon catches on fast, and he always seemed to know Taekwoon better than he did himself. It was Hakyeon who told him he should go for it, and that the worst that could come out of it would be awkwardness for a while. (“but she’s joohyun. she’ll get over it faster than you could even deny the words ever came out of your mouth.”)
That’s the story of how Jung Taekwoon ended up confessing to Bae Joohyun. It consisted of numerous stutters, mess-ups, and bites of the lip due to uncertainty, but Joohyun was basically an angel from heaven, and she laughed at everything with her bright laugh and accepted the shabby single rose he had held out to her.
Everything about their story screamed cliche, and he hated cliches, but he loved Joohyun. His whole life was an oxymoron because Joohyun herself was a cliche. A sad, pitiful cliche that just needed someone to hold onto her, and he tried. He tried.
He really tried. )
It’s just like the day Hakyeon pushed Taekwoon to confess.
His best friend had been on the phone with him for about an hour now simply listening to him stutter and contemplate all the pros and cons of calling her, and Hakyeon’s so sick of it that Taekwoon’s sure the phone’s just on speaker phone, and he’s walked away from it.
Believing that he’s bothered his friend enough, he finally hangs up, staring at the number that he had inserted into his phone but couldn’t bring himself to press ‘dial’. A deep groan left from his throat as he lied back down onto his bed. The last time he was this nervous was when he had asked her out years ago.
“I can’t do this,” is what he tells himself as he slowly gets up at the sound of his door ringing. He assumes it’s most likely Hakyeon because he always comes around with pizza whenever Taekwoon is having a hard time.
He makes his way to the door, an obvious frustrated expression on his face as he opens it up.
“Hakyeon, you should know that my door is basically always open-”
But Hakyeon’s not alone. No, there’s a surprise. Hakyeon and his fucking surprises. His brain stops functioning properly because he’s standing there absolutely frozen. She looks a little different, but then again, the location is much different from yesterday. A white blouse, jeans, and sneakers; she hasn’t changed at all.
Reading Taekwoon’s mind like always, Hakyeon welcomes himself in, dragging Joohyun in with him. “Can you believe who I met at the pizza store just now? Bae Joohyun! How long has it been since we last saw her?”
“6 years,” he answers almost too quickly, and he can hear his friend snickering under his breath. “But who’s keeping count, right?” Good job at trying to keep it subtle, Jung Taekwoon. He’s mentally slapping himself, but it looks like she’s almost as nervous as he is, and he isn’t sure if that’s an assurance or a worry.
Everything about this situation is too uncomfortable for him. And probably for her as well. The only person that seems to be enjoying the awkwardness is Cha fucking Hakyeon, and he’s ready to kill his friend, but Joohyun was always against violence.
Several silent moments go by, and Taekwoon is still standing in front of the doorway, not sure what to do. It seems that Joohyun has relaxed a little because she’s looking around the house, and he can’t help but silently curse under his breath because his apartment is absolutely filthy, and this is not what he wanted to show her.
“The place isn’t usually this dirty, I swear.” Nobody asked him, but he felt that he had to clarify that. However, knowing Joohyun, that was probably the last thing on her mind. She was probably trying to observe how he had set everything up, trying her best to avoid the pictures of them on the wall that he hadn’t been able to take down.
“It’s a nice place,” she speaks for the first time since she’s walked into his house. “But I’ll look around later. Right now, I think the pizza is getting cold and cold pizza is not the best tasting.” An awkward smile spread across her face as she makes her way to his kitchen. “I’ll grab the plates.”
It takes him a moment to realize that this is her first time at his apartment, and she most likely doesn’t know where the plates are. “Wait! You’re not going to be able to reach them,” he says as he follows her behind.
And just like he expected, she’s struggling to reach the plates that are placed on the highest shelf. “You’re never going to be able to reach them,” he explains as a sigh leaves his lips. “Bae Joohyun, you haven’t grown one bit. Still the same height.” The words almost come out naturally, and he hasn’t realized that he had brought up the past until she’s staring at him with a startled expression on her face.
However, he’s too occupied with the plates to realize anything, and it’s only after he’s standing right behind her, reaching up over her head to grab the fine china. Their height difference was always something that Joohyun had stated that she liked about their relationship. Something about how girls like being able to lean on a guy’s shoulders, and that his shoulders were absolutely the best. It’s during moments like these where he understands what she means.
His face is far above her’s, but even this distance seems too close for them anymore. Their bodies are flushed together, and he can see her face turning a bright red. He’s awfully too embarrassed himself to move, and it takes her pushing him away from her for him to realize what really happened. But before he can start apologizing (for what?), she’s already making her way out of the kitchen, fanning herself.
He completely forgets Hakyeon’s still there as he chases behind her, grabbing for her wrist, but she’s become faster, and she’s already putting her shoes on, blabbering out some excuse about how she has to go home because her dog needs to be fed or something.
Ignoring his friend’s confused face, he slowly drops down to take a seat on his couch, waving for Hakyeon to leave.
His best friend knows him too well because he silently walks out, leaving Taekwoon by himself.
And it’s sad because he’s so used to it.
part ii.