A realization of stupidity...
So after sitting around playing a new video game and pretty much wasting a day off yesterday(minus an hour trip to the gym). I found myself thinking about life. It started out with me being very hard on myself, looking around at the apartment and realizing it could use a cleaning, looking at the laundry in my washer and dryer thinking it could be finished, and feeling the light grumble from my stomach saying that I should go make some food.
With all that on staring me right in my face I still didn't have the motivation to get off my couch and do something about it. It would only take about 15 minuets to do all of the above but it was almost like I was tied down to my seat. So I then thought about life outside of my apartment, thinking about the summer, thinking about drunken nights, thinking about my friends and my family, and then thinking about women. This lead me to wonder why I am being so hard on myself. If you look at me on paper, I am and have a pretty solid foundation. I am relatively healthy and only getting healthier. I have a solid career. live in my own apartment, and have a car. Great Friends/Family. I am no expert in the matter but I assume those are all things that girls look for? am I wrong?
So why do I sit back, why am I not pushing forward and making things happen. The answer was stated above. I am WAY to hard on myself. I think to myself what would we talk about during the date, I don't really follow anything going on in society, definitely not politics or anything, so how would I keep her interested with conversation. This now leads to another issue I have, I try to plan everything out...which is just stupid...I mean if you look at the few dates I have been on in the last year...they went fairly well, although the activities may have been sort of planned out, the conversation wasn't...but there was rarely an awkward silence...I actually don't remember any awkward silences...so why do I think about the negatives, when I should be thriving off my positives? I mean I know those "paper" qualities aren't all it comes down too, all they do is help me get to the date, then it's all on me...failure is the only fear when going there...but who cares? if you do fail it's not really a failure it was just not meant to be...get up, dust yourself off and be happy for the experience...
Another thing, why am I so caught up on this issue? I am fine being single, I have a pretty good life...I don't know why I am constantly thinking being single is so wrong. Sure my life is missing that companionship, which is something I long for...but again, who cares? what is meant to be will be...
In all seriousness I think the big thing I have been pushing to change doesn't need to be changed, I really should take a step back, and stop pushing it, it will put me in a much better place, a place where I am not under pressure...just enjoy life as it comes to me, and go from there
With all that on staring me right in my face I still didn't have the motivation to get off my couch and do something about it. It would only take about 15 minuets to do all of the above but it was almost like I was tied down to my seat. So I then thought about life outside of my apartment, thinking about the summer, thinking about drunken nights, thinking about my friends and my family, and then thinking about women. This lead me to wonder why I am being so hard on myself. If you look at me on paper, I am and have a pretty solid foundation. I am relatively healthy and only getting healthier. I have a solid career. live in my own apartment, and have a car. Great Friends/Family. I am no expert in the matter but I assume those are all things that girls look for? am I wrong?
So why do I sit back, why am I not pushing forward and making things happen. The answer was stated above. I am WAY to hard on myself. I think to myself what would we talk about during the date, I don't really follow anything going on in society, definitely not politics or anything, so how would I keep her interested with conversation. This now leads to another issue I have, I try to plan everything out...which is just stupid...I mean if you look at the few dates I have been on in the last year...they went fairly well, although the activities may have been sort of planned out, the conversation wasn't...but there was rarely an awkward silence...I actually don't remember any awkward silences...so why do I think about the negatives, when I should be thriving off my positives? I mean I know those "paper" qualities aren't all it comes down too, all they do is help me get to the date, then it's all on me...failure is the only fear when going there...but who cares? if you do fail it's not really a failure it was just not meant to be...get up, dust yourself off and be happy for the experience...
Another thing, why am I so caught up on this issue? I am fine being single, I have a pretty good life...I don't know why I am constantly thinking being single is so wrong. Sure my life is missing that companionship, which is something I long for...but again, who cares? what is meant to be will be...
In all seriousness I think the big thing I have been pushing to change doesn't need to be changed, I really should take a step back, and stop pushing it, it will put me in a much better place, a place where I am not under pressure...just enjoy life as it comes to me, and go from there