lost

[justratmore]

i dont know what to do
i feel so lost
i was feeling so awful and then i started feeling hopeful
that maybe
just maybe
things might work out
who knows they might still
but ive never felt more lonely and alone than right now
staying in the same apt, same room, same bed, i thought id feel some closeness
some warmth back
but all i feel is cold
cold
cold
cold
and lonliness
i know he hurts too
why wont he let me in
i just want to help make it better
he says i cant
then for me
do it for me
not for you
if you really do care
let me try
let me in
i cant stand this feeling of being totally alone and totally helpless at the same time

i guess its my fault too
i didnt really build a good solid friend base here
didnt find people that i could really count on
i didnt need them
i had him
he was all i needed
everyone else seemed so peripheral
and now that the main focus is gone
all im left with is the periphery
most of which is his friends
im so alone
my so called best friend wont even talk to me
i dont have anyone
no one
not a fucking soul
and all i need
all i want
is that one
just a hug
a touch
a kiss
a warm smile
but all i get is cold