White Elephant Christmas
So, Christmas with the family was eventful. Scott came along. Met everyone for the first time. I was preparing him beforehand for everyone...well, mainly my grandparents. They're the ones he should be fearful of. Mungah: the woman who gave me my sense of humor asked me if she should bring condoms with for me and Scott. Grandad: the manic-depressive who hums and picks his scabs...things you have to be prepared for, and seeing as though Mungah was pretty much my mother, she's a bit protective. She didn't want me to have sex until I was 35...or even older if she had her way. So, I feared for Scott's well-being. We get in Mungah's car. Mungah: "So, I hear Linsey's been trying to prepare you for meeting us." Scott: "Yeah, I'm not really worried, though." Mungah & Grandad: *Maniacal laughter* That was the kind of laughter that said: "You FOOL!"
I hadn't seen a lot of people in a really long time. I had forgotten my aunt Rebecca's husbands name. I had to ask Mungah for a refresher. "It's Rick, right." "No, Ron." Close enough. I also forgot a couple of my cousin's names. There's just too damn many of them, and they're relatively new to the clan. I hardly see them anyway. White Elephant eventually got underway. The first few gifts were lame. One was a clear snowman figurine that lit up. Wow, that's horrible. Whatever. Then there was a small fondue set and a pampered chef measuring cup/bowl thing. What the fuck? That's a good gift. What's wrong with these people. Then Grandad chose Scott's gift. Here comes the good stuff. We had gone to Dig-N-Save...yeah. While there I picked up a gold transformer looking thing and started trying to transform it. Then I let out a shriek and dropped it. There was a bug in it. I think it was a cockroach, but Scott thinks it was a grasshopper. Whatever it was, I made him step on it. Eww. I ended up pretty much choosing all the stuff that we used, but he's new at this, so he has a chance to get the hang of it. His consisted of 1)Fabio's workout video, 2)Grandpa's musical workshop video, 3)Two lovely half-assed duck cross-stitches, 4)a trophy for Low Putts sans the golf club. Good times. Mine went to Mungah's sister Kitty Rae: 1)the Emotions record with all the greatest love songs of who cares what era, 2)great big granny sun glasses complete with bi-focal crescents, 3)a picture of some God type figure holding a crystal ball in front of a unicorn and a rainbow, 4)Jack-in-the-box lamp...extra creepy, and 5)wood mount for the wall with a painting of an old car on it. Lovely. Now that's how you do up White Elephant. Scott, the poor bastard, ended up with some Shrimp cocktail sauce, Hoisin sauce, and electric clothes tent dryer thingy, and the dreaded Angel. The Angel is the one gift that is re-gifted every year. It's an ugly thing that the lucky person who gets it has to repaint and keep on display in their home until the next White Elephant year...so Scott is pretty much required to come next year. I was about to say out loud, "I don't want to have to see that in our living room!" since we're moving in together, but at least this I thought of before saying and thought better than to say it out loud. We'll just wait on that.
My uncle commented afterwords that he really liked Scott, and I think everyone felt the same way, including Mungah & Grandad. About a block from my apartment on the way back, I realized I forgot my purse at my aunt's house. At least Scott had a key, I just told them that he had my key...not that he has his own set. Baby steps. Once me and Scott were on our way to the door, Mungah yells out the window: "Do you need any condoms at all?" "No, we're fine, thanks." She drives off and go into the gate. She starts yelling my name and is in reverse: "Are your condoms in your purse?" "No, I have some in a drawer."
Good times.
I hadn't seen a lot of people in a really long time. I had forgotten my aunt Rebecca's husbands name. I had to ask Mungah for a refresher. "It's Rick, right." "No, Ron." Close enough. I also forgot a couple of my cousin's names. There's just too damn many of them, and they're relatively new to the clan. I hardly see them anyway. White Elephant eventually got underway. The first few gifts were lame. One was a clear snowman figurine that lit up. Wow, that's horrible. Whatever. Then there was a small fondue set and a pampered chef measuring cup/bowl thing. What the fuck? That's a good gift. What's wrong with these people. Then Grandad chose Scott's gift. Here comes the good stuff. We had gone to Dig-N-Save...yeah. While there I picked up a gold transformer looking thing and started trying to transform it. Then I let out a shriek and dropped it. There was a bug in it. I think it was a cockroach, but Scott thinks it was a grasshopper. Whatever it was, I made him step on it. Eww. I ended up pretty much choosing all the stuff that we used, but he's new at this, so he has a chance to get the hang of it. His consisted of 1)Fabio's workout video, 2)Grandpa's musical workshop video, 3)Two lovely half-assed duck cross-stitches, 4)a trophy for Low Putts sans the golf club. Good times. Mine went to Mungah's sister Kitty Rae: 1)the Emotions record with all the greatest love songs of who cares what era, 2)great big granny sun glasses complete with bi-focal crescents, 3)a picture of some God type figure holding a crystal ball in front of a unicorn and a rainbow, 4)Jack-in-the-box lamp...extra creepy, and 5)wood mount for the wall with a painting of an old car on it. Lovely. Now that's how you do up White Elephant. Scott, the poor bastard, ended up with some Shrimp cocktail sauce, Hoisin sauce, and electric clothes tent dryer thingy, and the dreaded Angel. The Angel is the one gift that is re-gifted every year. It's an ugly thing that the lucky person who gets it has to repaint and keep on display in their home until the next White Elephant year...so Scott is pretty much required to come next year. I was about to say out loud, "I don't want to have to see that in our living room!" since we're moving in together, but at least this I thought of before saying and thought better than to say it out loud. We'll just wait on that.
My uncle commented afterwords that he really liked Scott, and I think everyone felt the same way, including Mungah & Grandad. About a block from my apartment on the way back, I realized I forgot my purse at my aunt's house. At least Scott had a key, I just told them that he had my key...not that he has his own set. Baby steps. Once me and Scott were on our way to the door, Mungah yells out the window: "Do you need any condoms at all?" "No, we're fine, thanks." She drives off and go into the gate. She starts yelling my name and is in reverse: "Are your condoms in your purse?" "No, I have some in a drawer."
Good times.