50 THiNGS Y0U SH0UlD KN0W AB0UT GUYS (dude that's how it was in the title)
So I got this in an e-mail and it was so crappy that I had to add my comments and a few of Kass'.
1. Guys hate mommys. (ummmm okay then they should really look into therapist in their area because mommy issues are so not attractive)
2. "Hey, are you busy?" or "Are you doing something?" ~ two phrases guys open with to stop from stammering on the phone. (they should invest in a better vocabulary because dumb guys aren't attractive either)
3. Guys may be flirting around all day but before they go to sleep, they always think about the girl they truly care about. (really I thought that it was they think about who they wish they were with)
4. Before they call, guys try to plan out a little about what they're gonna say so there aren't awkward pauses, but once he's on the phone he forgets it all and makes it up
as he goes. (instead of wasting time planning what they're going to say they should plan what they're going to do to sweep you off your feet)
5. Guys go crazy over a girl's smile. (in that case the girl should get a better dental plan that's not so scary)
6. Guys will do anything just to get you to notice him. (ohhhh so that's their excuse for all the idiotic things they do) ((bull crap they'll act like a complete ass that's what is -- Kass))
7. Guys hate it when you talk about your ex-boyfriend or ex love-interest. Unless they're goin for the let-her-complain-to-you-and-then-have-her-realize-how-wonderful-and-nice-you-are method. (if you're such a loser that you can't look good on your own then that's just sad)
8. A guy who likes you wants to be the only guy you talk to. (then the insecure jerk can just get over it because no one dictates who I'm friends with)
9. Boyfriends need to be reassured often that they're still loved. (again insecurity is not a good quality)
10. Don't talk about your guy friends to your boyfriend. (dude again with the insecurity if he can't handle the heat of my friends then he can get the hell out of my kitchen)
11. Guys get jealous easily. (thank you Sherlock we weren't aware of that)
12. Guys are more emotional than they'd like people to think. (so all bits of anger are what exactly) ((they might get laid more often if they showed some -- Kass))
13. Giving a guy a hanging message like "You know what?!..uh...never
mind.." would make him jump to a conclusion that is far from what you are thinking. And he'll assume he did something wrong and he'll obsess about it trying to figure it out. (you know what happens when you assume something)
14. Guys are good flatterers when courting but they usually stammer when they talk to a girl they really like. (so who exactly courts a girl that they don't like?)
15. Guys hate asking parents for money to buy girls presents. So they come up with ideas like saving their lunch money for a week. But it never works because guys are always hungry so they end up asking the parents for money anyway. (wait humans get hungry? why didn't someone tell me before now??) ((Then get a damn job you scrub and quit begging mommy and daddy -- Kass))
16. Girls are guys' weaknesses. (I can think of a few more creative things that should scare them) ((and your point is what? -- Kass))
17. Guys are very open about themselves. (so when they say "no I'm not married" or "I'm twenty...ish" that's being open?) ((What a load of horseshit!!! -- Kass))
18. It's good to test a guy first before you trust him. But don't let him wait too long. (if you don't know if a guy is trustworthy or not that's usually a pretty good clue that he isn't) ((he and his hand can have all the fun they want till I trust him -- Kass))
19. Your best friend, whom your boyfriend seeks help from about his problems with you may end up being admired by your boyfriend. (if he's that big of a loser that he gets distracted more than I do, then I wouldn't want him and considering my best friend has completely opposite taste in guys than I do it would be rather one sided admiration)
20. If a guy tells you about his problems, he just needs someone to listen to him. You don't need to give advice. (ummm right I don't do just sitting there and smiling very well)
21. A usual act that proves that the guy likes you is when he teases you. (and then they obtain the maturity of a 4th grader and stop)
22. Guys love you more than you love them if they are serious in your relationships. (so it's cool if you're a girl in a serious relationship and you don't love the guy?)
23. Guys will brag about anything. (oh and girls won't?)
24. Guys use words like hot or cute to describe girls. We rarely use beautiful. If a guy
uses that, he likes you. (I don't need a guy to tell me to know that I'm friggin beautiful)
25. Guys think WAY too much. One small thing a girl does, even if she doesn't notice it can make the guy think about it for hours, trying to figure out what it meant. (A guy's thinking depends WAY too much on exactly which brain they happen to be thinking with and it is normally the teeny little bitty one in their boxers)
26. Guys seek for advice from girls not other guys. Because most guys think alike, so if one guy's confused, then we're all confused. (who wants a guy that's as dumb as the others and can't think for himself?)
27. Any guy could write out a rulebook or advice book for flirting, but no guy can write out a book about relationships. (I beg to differ I'm met plenty of guys that can't flirt to save their lives)
28. Try to be as straightforward as possible. (but I'm fond of being diagonal)
29. A guy has to experience rejection, because if he's too-good-never-been-busted, never been in love and hurt, he won't be mature and grown up. (I can think of some more reasons why guys aren't mature... #1 they're guys)
30. If the guy does something stupid in front of the girl, he will think about it for the next couple days or until the next time he spends time with the girl. (if I spent days thinking about every stupid thing I do in front of guys I'd never think about anything else *no comments from the peanut gallery*)
31. No matter how much guys talk about asses and boobs, personality is key. (well duh boobs and butts will sag with time but a bad personality is there to stay)
32. Guys learn from experience not from the romance books that girls read and take as their basis of experience. (then explain the creepy dudes who write romance books)
33. Guys worry about the thin line between being compassionate and being whipped. (they should stop worrying so much and get me another soda)
34. If a guy looks unusually calm and laid back, he's probably faking it and is spazzing inside. (all guys are spazzes. got it)
35. When a guy says he is going crazy about the girl, he really is. Guys rarely say that. (then he should have his medication upped in dosage)
36. When a guy asks you to leave him alone, he's just actually saying,
"Please come and listen to me." (really because when I tell someone to leave me alone I'm just actually saying "get away from me before I get really angry)
37. Guys don't really have final decisions. (indecisiveness is so not sexy)
38. If a guy starts to talk seriously, listen to him. It doesn't happen that often, so when it does, you know something's up. (rule number one of dating is don't date a loser who doesn't take something seriously)
39. If your best guy friend seems to avoid you or is never around when you're with your boyfriend, he's probably jealous and likes you. (so when I'm trying to give my friends time alone with their bfs and not be the third wheel does this mean that I'm secretly trying to steal their guys who I have no interest in?)
40. When a guy looks at you for longer than a second, he's definitely thinking something. (yeah omg look at the piece of broccoli in her teeth)
41. Guys like femininity not feebleness. (and how do they feel about feminist?)
42. Guys don't like girls who punch harder than they do. (and I don't like weak guys so it works out)
43. A guy has more problems than you can see with your naked eyes. (then I guess it's a good thing I wear contacts)
44. Don't be a snob. Guys can be intimidated and give up easily. (if they give up easily then they weren't that interested in the first place)
45. Everything in moderation. Put on makeup, wear perfume. Just not too much. (first of all I'll put on makeup when I dang well feel like it and at no other time and secondly when was the last time a guy noticed a girl was wearing perfume on some random day??)
46. Guys talk about girls more than girls talk about guys. (that's called stalking)
47. Guys hate rejection, but they hate being led on even more. (wait guys know the meaning of being led on??? I never would have guessed by how well they can do it)
48. Guys really think that girls are strange and have unpredictable decisions and are MAD confusing but somehow are drawn even more to them. (I am strange and have unpredictable decisions and are MAD confusing. they just have to deal with it and move on)
49. A guy would give anything to be able to read a girl's mind for a day. (and then give everything else to forget what he read)
50. No guy can handle all his problems by his own. He's just too stubborn to admit it. (that's what friends and therapist are for)
wow so after that nice little tirade about guys I'm guessing it'll be a while before I get a date.
1. Guys hate mommys. (ummmm okay then they should really look into therapist in their area because mommy issues are so not attractive)
2. "Hey, are you busy?" or "Are you doing something?" ~ two phrases guys open with to stop from stammering on the phone. (they should invest in a better vocabulary because dumb guys aren't attractive either)
3. Guys may be flirting around all day but before they go to sleep, they always think about the girl they truly care about. (really I thought that it was they think about who they wish they were with)
4. Before they call, guys try to plan out a little about what they're gonna say so there aren't awkward pauses, but once he's on the phone he forgets it all and makes it up
as he goes. (instead of wasting time planning what they're going to say they should plan what they're going to do to sweep you off your feet)
5. Guys go crazy over a girl's smile. (in that case the girl should get a better dental plan that's not so scary)
6. Guys will do anything just to get you to notice him. (ohhhh so that's their excuse for all the idiotic things they do) ((bull crap they'll act like a complete ass that's what is -- Kass))
7. Guys hate it when you talk about your ex-boyfriend or ex love-interest. Unless they're goin for the let-her-complain-to-you-and-then-have-her-realize-how-wonderful-and-nice-you-are method. (if you're such a loser that you can't look good on your own then that's just sad)
8. A guy who likes you wants to be the only guy you talk to. (then the insecure jerk can just get over it because no one dictates who I'm friends with)
9. Boyfriends need to be reassured often that they're still loved. (again insecurity is not a good quality)
10. Don't talk about your guy friends to your boyfriend. (dude again with the insecurity if he can't handle the heat of my friends then he can get the hell out of my kitchen)
11. Guys get jealous easily. (thank you Sherlock we weren't aware of that)
12. Guys are more emotional than they'd like people to think. (so all bits of anger are what exactly) ((they might get laid more often if they showed some -- Kass))
13. Giving a guy a hanging message like "You know what?!..uh...never
mind.." would make him jump to a conclusion that is far from what you are thinking. And he'll assume he did something wrong and he'll obsess about it trying to figure it out. (you know what happens when you assume something)
14. Guys are good flatterers when courting but they usually stammer when they talk to a girl they really like. (so who exactly courts a girl that they don't like?)
15. Guys hate asking parents for money to buy girls presents. So they come up with ideas like saving their lunch money for a week. But it never works because guys are always hungry so they end up asking the parents for money anyway. (wait humans get hungry? why didn't someone tell me before now??) ((Then get a damn job you scrub and quit begging mommy and daddy -- Kass))
16. Girls are guys' weaknesses. (I can think of a few more creative things that should scare them) ((and your point is what? -- Kass))
17. Guys are very open about themselves. (so when they say "no I'm not married" or "I'm twenty...ish" that's being open?) ((What a load of horseshit!!! -- Kass))
18. It's good to test a guy first before you trust him. But don't let him wait too long. (if you don't know if a guy is trustworthy or not that's usually a pretty good clue that he isn't) ((he and his hand can have all the fun they want till I trust him -- Kass))
19. Your best friend, whom your boyfriend seeks help from about his problems with you may end up being admired by your boyfriend. (if he's that big of a loser that he gets distracted more than I do, then I wouldn't want him and considering my best friend has completely opposite taste in guys than I do it would be rather one sided admiration)
20. If a guy tells you about his problems, he just needs someone to listen to him. You don't need to give advice. (ummm right I don't do just sitting there and smiling very well)
21. A usual act that proves that the guy likes you is when he teases you. (and then they obtain the maturity of a 4th grader and stop)
22. Guys love you more than you love them if they are serious in your relationships. (so it's cool if you're a girl in a serious relationship and you don't love the guy?)
23. Guys will brag about anything. (oh and girls won't?)
24. Guys use words like hot or cute to describe girls. We rarely use beautiful. If a guy
uses that, he likes you. (I don't need a guy to tell me to know that I'm friggin beautiful)
25. Guys think WAY too much. One small thing a girl does, even if she doesn't notice it can make the guy think about it for hours, trying to figure out what it meant. (A guy's thinking depends WAY too much on exactly which brain they happen to be thinking with and it is normally the teeny little bitty one in their boxers)
26. Guys seek for advice from girls not other guys. Because most guys think alike, so if one guy's confused, then we're all confused. (who wants a guy that's as dumb as the others and can't think for himself?)
27. Any guy could write out a rulebook or advice book for flirting, but no guy can write out a book about relationships. (I beg to differ I'm met plenty of guys that can't flirt to save their lives)
28. Try to be as straightforward as possible. (but I'm fond of being diagonal)
29. A guy has to experience rejection, because if he's too-good-never-been-busted, never been in love and hurt, he won't be mature and grown up. (I can think of some more reasons why guys aren't mature... #1 they're guys)
30. If the guy does something stupid in front of the girl, he will think about it for the next couple days or until the next time he spends time with the girl. (if I spent days thinking about every stupid thing I do in front of guys I'd never think about anything else *no comments from the peanut gallery*)
31. No matter how much guys talk about asses and boobs, personality is key. (well duh boobs and butts will sag with time but a bad personality is there to stay)
32. Guys learn from experience not from the romance books that girls read and take as their basis of experience. (then explain the creepy dudes who write romance books)
33. Guys worry about the thin line between being compassionate and being whipped. (they should stop worrying so much and get me another soda)
34. If a guy looks unusually calm and laid back, he's probably faking it and is spazzing inside. (all guys are spazzes. got it)
35. When a guy says he is going crazy about the girl, he really is. Guys rarely say that. (then he should have his medication upped in dosage)
36. When a guy asks you to leave him alone, he's just actually saying,
"Please come and listen to me." (really because when I tell someone to leave me alone I'm just actually saying "get away from me before I get really angry)
37. Guys don't really have final decisions. (indecisiveness is so not sexy)
38. If a guy starts to talk seriously, listen to him. It doesn't happen that often, so when it does, you know something's up. (rule number one of dating is don't date a loser who doesn't take something seriously)
39. If your best guy friend seems to avoid you or is never around when you're with your boyfriend, he's probably jealous and likes you. (so when I'm trying to give my friends time alone with their bfs and not be the third wheel does this mean that I'm secretly trying to steal their guys who I have no interest in?)
40. When a guy looks at you for longer than a second, he's definitely thinking something. (yeah omg look at the piece of broccoli in her teeth)
41. Guys like femininity not feebleness. (and how do they feel about feminist?)
42. Guys don't like girls who punch harder than they do. (and I don't like weak guys so it works out)
43. A guy has more problems than you can see with your naked eyes. (then I guess it's a good thing I wear contacts)
44. Don't be a snob. Guys can be intimidated and give up easily. (if they give up easily then they weren't that interested in the first place)
45. Everything in moderation. Put on makeup, wear perfume. Just not too much. (first of all I'll put on makeup when I dang well feel like it and at no other time and secondly when was the last time a guy noticed a girl was wearing perfume on some random day??)
46. Guys talk about girls more than girls talk about guys. (that's called stalking)
47. Guys hate rejection, but they hate being led on even more. (wait guys know the meaning of being led on??? I never would have guessed by how well they can do it)
48. Guys really think that girls are strange and have unpredictable decisions and are MAD confusing but somehow are drawn even more to them. (I am strange and have unpredictable decisions and are MAD confusing. they just have to deal with it and move on)
49. A guy would give anything to be able to read a girl's mind for a day. (and then give everything else to forget what he read)
50. No guy can handle all his problems by his own. He's just too stubborn to admit it. (that's what friends and therapist are for)
wow so after that nice little tirade about guys I'm guessing it'll be a while before I get a date.