There is a Kazuha in a black suit today. She looks like she could be yakuza or a turk. She might be a bit odd, especially combined with the fact she's got a katana and a tanto blade
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Oh, the rage is familiar. Hattori eyes Kazuha, mentally dismayed at the changes between her best friend and the girl in front of her. The soup she carries is meant for Conan, but -- Kazuha needs it more, Hattori decides, taking a seat on one of the lobby's plush armchairs.
"No, more the girl thin'." Even if Heiji was still an incredibly pretty girl.
But it's enough to make her brain stall on that impulse.
"And no. I'm mad at the hotel. I was kind of....in the middle of needin' ta talk ta ya about somethin' and ya were probably gonna be really mad at me."
And now she looks guilty.
"Also about possible ways of dealin' with the new crazy."
'Usually a boy'? Hattori couldn't help but feel annoyed by that -- with everyone's reality so wildly different, did anyone have the right to decide what was normal or not? But her annoyance took second place to Kazuha's confession.
Well, she was more referring to the games that could change things. Like make her a pony or someting.
"I slept with someone. After I've confessed ta Heiji and we're...I don't even KNOW, however ya'd define a relationship in a murdercave!" Kazuha said, wrapping her arms around herself and looking away. "And I'm afraid ta talk ta Heiji because I don't know if I'll be able ta say it ta him without doin' somethin' ta make it worse first for the same reason I couldn't stop myself from doin' that!"
The tears were already coming because thinking about it made her want to cry. And there was no hope in even trying to stop it.
Okay, so maybe she couldn't help. Hattori reached out to put a hand on Kazuha's arm -- even if she couldn't understand her, maybe she could at least make her feel a bit better. "Ya wanna cry, get it out now, Kazu. Go on -- you'll feel better. An' you'll be able to think better after it too."
"I can't not cry!" It's not even light tears, they're really already streaming and there's a bit of a hitch in her voice that says she's barely holding back the sobs.
"Queen's took away my inhibitions! If I didn't want ta run ta him as much as I wanted ta run away, I would have done somethin' by now. I can't go, I'd probably want ta be near him and not want ta leave and act all couply and it's so hard ta stop myself if I don't have somehtin' else ta focus on, but I can't hide it from him either!"
Kazuha took it, trying to wipe away the tears. "Damn it...stupid Queen, stupid Izaya takin' the stupid symbol, got infected then, stupid Blaze. It's all....so stupid and not FAIR. It makes it even harder ta do my job, but how do I ask a god that no, I don't want their influence over my mind?"
She wouldn't blame her. It's just hard to stop the torrent of emotion once it started and it was better to get it out.
Though there's a bit of a manic laugh at that. "Only if they're psychic. Parrot says I need a heart game or a person who can go inta the mind ta get rid of it. He's been insistent I see Heiji so the normal blanks know since our hands get tied easily."
((ooc: I'm really sorry, but I'm finding it really hard to reply to this thread since there's just so much that Hattori doesn't get. I hope you'll understand and won't mind if I leave things here?))
"Let me know when ya done, Kazuha. I got soup."
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Slowly, she looked over.
And stared.
"...well, that's one way ta avoid jumpin' ya."
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But it's enough to make her brain stall on that impulse.
"And no. I'm mad at the hotel. I was kind of....in the middle of needin' ta talk ta ya about somethin' and ya were probably gonna be really mad at me."
And now she looks guilty.
"Also about possible ways of dealin' with the new crazy."
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She indicated the chair next to hers. "Ya want to see if tellin' me about it all will help any?"
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She paused at that. Would it help? Could make it worse. But she wanted to tell, she didn't want to hide, tell, tell, tell.
Oh, damn it, it was in her head now and Kazuha sits down. "I slept with someone."
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"Wait -- what?"
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"I slept with someone. After I've confessed ta Heiji and we're...I don't even KNOW, however ya'd define a relationship in a murdercave!" Kazuha said, wrapping her arms around herself and looking away. "And I'm afraid ta talk ta Heiji because I don't know if I'll be able ta say it ta him without doin' somethin' ta make it worse first for the same reason I couldn't stop myself from doin' that!"
The tears were already coming because thinking about it made her want to cry. And there was no hope in even trying to stop it.
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"Queen's took away my inhibitions! If I didn't want ta run ta him as much as I wanted ta run away, I would have done somethin' by now. I can't go, I'd probably want ta be near him and not want ta leave and act all couply and it's so hard ta stop myself if I don't have somehtin' else ta focus on, but I can't hide it from him either!"
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"Dunno anything about gods, Kazu, but there's gotta be someone here who does. We'll work it out once yer feelin' better."
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Though there's a bit of a manic laugh at that. "Only if they're psychic. Parrot says I need a heart game or a person who can go inta the mind ta get rid of it. He's been insistent I see Heiji so the normal blanks know since our hands get tied easily."
That...probably didn't help.
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