Laugh at that.
Everything is harrendous. I am a sick fucking shit bag who needs therapy ASAP. The black is swarming and screams echo in my ears. My temples are throbbing with incessant tension. Why are those people giving me that look? Why are you reading my entries? Do you really care? No. You don't care. If you really cared then I wouldn't be alone crying my eyes out, gripping my head and cursing beneath my breath. I wouldn't be alone, naked on the bathroom floor in a fetal position, wishing I was never born. Wishing I never made the choices I made that led me to the ground. I am scum with the tile on the bathroom floor. I made myself that way. I am doing the thing I do so well. I am feeling sorry for myself again. I am crying for myself alone. Because my friends are not really there. I don't feel like I have friends even though I know that isn't true. Everything I believe in, my foundation of reality, in essense, my sanity is falling apart. Why do I try to please people? I TRY SO FUCKING HARD, and for WHAT? For WHAT? For a thanks? No. For a pat on the back? No. For fame? Maybe? For shallow stupidity of the human condition from which I suffer. I want it to end. This world is too much trouble for any sane person to be corrupted into. In other words, we are born into corruption. We come into this world as one and leave as one. LONELY ASS MOTHER FUCKERS. I hate this. I love to cuss. I love to tell it like it needs to be told. BECAUSE YOUR MOTHER DIDN'T! NO. No one tells it the way it is, in public. No one wants to give weight to what is weighing us down. I hope I at least leave an impression before I die. I don't want to die. But death is all around. It's part of life. I think I'm a Christian? lol I go to church and fall asleep. I try to pray at night, but end up lost in this black oblivion. I think I am in hell. This is hell. Yep. Oh enough about me. Enough! No one needs to hear this chitter chatter. This IS my Journal though! I hope I'm not really that alone. I mean, someone must know this feeling.