I've got all my life to live, I've got all my love to give
So, its been almost a month. Each day, my heart hurts a little less, and becomes a bit more whole. Each day, what his voice fades a little more til its just a dull ringing in my ears. Its not so easy to remember what it felt like when he held me, what his kisses were like, or even the exact shade of blue his eyes were. Even the details of our "home" aren't so clear anymore. I don't look for my phone to ring at 9:45 when he's getting off work, and the DOC lingo isn't a second language to me anymore. No more dinners to cook, or houses to clean by myself anymore. No more miserable nights spent wondering exactly where I stand with him or worrying if the next thing I do will make him mad enough to yell and pick a fight with me.
In the past month, I've grown to like me and the person that I really am. I didn't think I could survive independent of the person my life had revolved around for so long, but I've proved to myself and everyone else that I'm stronger than I ever dreamed. I've done more than just survive, I've actually lived. I've rekindled old friendships, kept friends I thought would leave with him, and made new ones. I've gotten a new job, and while its exhausting, I'm feeling more fulfilled than ever before in my life. And, yes, I'm starting to open my heart up again. Now, I'm not diving into a relationship....I'm enjoying being single, but the idea isn't such a foreign concept anymore, and I can see myself falling in love again, someday in the future. And yes, I have kissed someone else, been held by someone else, and no, it wasn't as weird as I thought it would be.
Life is going well, and I'm moving forward! Its all good..... : -)