(no subject)
I spent a lot of today feeling like nobody cared. And then I'm sitting in Womack's room after school waiting for CAS Council to start, and Marcus Toop comes in, and it is the first time I have seen him since before spring break. And he sees me sitting there, and immediately stops, and says "Are you going to Penn?" And I smile and nod and he looks so happy and I think he was about to hug me. It was so weird, because he cared so much, and he's just a casual acquaintance that I talk to on random days in homeroom or in the parking lot.
I have difficulty reconciling that someone like that can care so much, while I feel like some of the people I know a lot better care so little. I think we all need to take a step back from our academic pursuits and take a second to just appreciate each other. I confess: I didn't get invited to any scholarship weekends. I didn't meet 1000 drunk kids and get lots of free money to buy food with. I haven't spent time in any exotic places, nor will I probably be able to do so anytime soon. I have a short attention span and probably don't give school the attention it deserves right now. I am extremely devoted to and crazy about a boy that doesn't go to our school but who has been there for me whenever I've needed him for the last two years. Why do I feel like these pieces of me alienate me from my friends so much? Why do I find myself walking 6 feet behind my friends who are actively engaged in conversation and don't seem to notice my absence......every day?
Yeah, I know. You're mad at me for being honest. Sorry. Sorry for the typical passive-agressive livejournal emo post. But there's stuff that I just can't say to some of you because I have no clue how you'll react. It's just so....weird. I'm in. I'm out. I'm in.
I'm out.
The band banquet was much less emotional than I anticipated. I am so numb regarding the whole thing. I remember people crying hysterically sophomore year and I figured that would be me someday, but the only tears I nearly shed were for Arnold, feeling sorry that the parents treat him like such a nobody and hoping that things will work out for him next year. But I will miss those kids who I sat with tonight, and I'm glad I went (and did marching band, for that matter) to chill with them.
Um.....okay. Out.
I have difficulty reconciling that someone like that can care so much, while I feel like some of the people I know a lot better care so little. I think we all need to take a step back from our academic pursuits and take a second to just appreciate each other. I confess: I didn't get invited to any scholarship weekends. I didn't meet 1000 drunk kids and get lots of free money to buy food with. I haven't spent time in any exotic places, nor will I probably be able to do so anytime soon. I have a short attention span and probably don't give school the attention it deserves right now. I am extremely devoted to and crazy about a boy that doesn't go to our school but who has been there for me whenever I've needed him for the last two years. Why do I feel like these pieces of me alienate me from my friends so much? Why do I find myself walking 6 feet behind my friends who are actively engaged in conversation and don't seem to notice my absence......every day?
Yeah, I know. You're mad at me for being honest. Sorry. Sorry for the typical passive-agressive livejournal emo post. But there's stuff that I just can't say to some of you because I have no clue how you'll react. It's just so....weird. I'm in. I'm out. I'm in.
I'm out.
The band banquet was much less emotional than I anticipated. I am so numb regarding the whole thing. I remember people crying hysterically sophomore year and I figured that would be me someday, but the only tears I nearly shed were for Arnold, feeling sorry that the parents treat him like such a nobody and hoping that things will work out for him next year. But I will miss those kids who I sat with tonight, and I'm glad I went (and did marching band, for that matter) to chill with them.
Um.....okay. Out.